Ok so as I was reading FF there were so many lines that I just didn't want to forget so I kept them in a word document. Thing is I didn't write down the names of the FF they came from. But I'm sure you can find them in the 60 or so stories I've favorited on my fanfiction.net account.

Follow link: www.fanfiction.net/u/1675367/

There are to many to count so I'm going to put up a shorter list here. I have the full one on the main page of my profile on Dokuga. Every single one of these made me laugh out loud. I like to read it to get me in a happy writing mood.



- I heard what he said, but I pretended I hadn’t. That was something I was not ready to give answers about. Being human is nice sometimes, you can make those with superhuman abilities think you aren’t as adept at doing things as you are, and they just take it in stride. Suckers.

-She dares narrow her eyes at me? How intimidating does she think she looks with her hands balled up into little fists, she looks no fiercer than Rin does when she is picking flowers.

-"Hey! I knew what I was doing! .... kinda." Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed dangerously.

-Sesshoumaru's eyes widened noticeably, and his whole being stilled. Kagome thought he looked stunned.

-This whole exchange was lost on the humans present. None of them spoke possessive demon fluidly enough to have caught it.

-Wearily, Kagome used what was left of her failing strength to lift her head so that she could see the one that had come to her aid at the last minute…the VERY last minute…more like second actually.

-He would have bet his left arm. Oh, wait; he didn’t have a left arm. Pity.

-Sesshomaru lifted an eyebrow at the girl. The energy around him was becoming nearly annoying. Surely, it was not enough to cause any real harm to him; but still, it wasn’t very good for his skin.

-Inu Yasha is practicing death glares with some trees. Poor, innocent trees.

-How come he is most devastating when he’s monosyllabic?

-Oh great gods, all eight thousand of you.

-Maybe if he cut out her tongue? But then she’d probably moan quite a bit.
And why did that thought make his ears tingle?

-If he didn’t know better… no, best not to think of it. Thinking of it would only acknowledge it and acknowledging insignificant things only made them feel important. He’d already learned that lesson from his dealings with his half-brother.


-I continued to stare at her while a million and one ‘why’ questions were going through my head before I had finally decided that this was a waist of my time.


-"Cos' they'll eat Jaken first."

-“Please?” Kagome battered her eyelids.
“That’s disgusting.”
“Oh okay, I’m disgusting, now help me out! You idiot!”

-No, must’ve been his imagination. Yes, that was it. His imagination. He still wasn’t sure he possessed one though.

-while Inuyasha was busy saving Kikyo….of course. ‘Why is she always there, when we’re trying to fight anyway?’

-No fights were ever pretty in the feudal era, especially when it involved fighting for a female.

-Amused you, did I, she wanted to snap back, then bash him over the head with her first aid kit. Though she was pretty sure that wasn’t what it was intended for.

-Sesshoumaru could feel the anger in her aura, and it honestly frightened him slightly. Once again, he wondered what his own defense to purification was.

...and thats the edited version.

This is one of my favortie stories:: Simply Business by Mikazuki Tsuki
Its a great story.
Well this si one of my favortie part of the story::

As soon as they entered the scent of frying foods and cooking meat filled the air. Kagome giggled at Sesshoumaru’s grimace.

“I guess Mr. Businessman isn’t used to fatty, oily, junk huh?”

The look he gave her could have frozen over hell. “I would rather still be living after fifty, with out the use of dialysis.”

Kagome stuck out her tongue and pulled him over to the line.

“Well if you are to completely make up for your ‘...inexcusable behavior,’” she made quote marks in the air as she mocked him, “Then you’ll order something.”

Sesshoumaru rolled his amber eyes, “I am not order—”

“Then I’ll order for you. Simple as that.”

She sounded like a reprimanding mother, with caused Sesshoumaru to let out a wry chuckle. Kagome hadn’t heard it however for, she suddenly grinned, “We’re up.”

The cashier was a young man with a flirty grin and twinkling dark eyes. He seemed hell bent on working his charm.

“So,” he leaned over seductively and purred, “Can I help you?”

It was a miracle itself that Sesshoumaru didn’t run out of that place, scarred completely for life.

The partial innuendo was aimed towards him.

Kagome covered her mouth to smother her giggles.

“Hi,” she tried to ignore the guy’s annoyed glare, “Um two number 1’s and two large orders of fries. One cherry slushy and one coke slushy... Um and one order of those chicken strip things...Oh! And two of those Oreo cake things...”

Jakotsu with a small roll of his eyes pointed to a glass case that showcased the sweets, inside was her desired cake.

Kagome smiled, “Yeah, that one. Two of those.”

His glare was really making her nervous. Hopefully he wouldn’t spit in her food. He repeated the order.

Kagome nodded and the man behind the register looked at Sesshoumaru, though spoke to her, “Anything else, miss?”

She turned to Sesshoumaru, “Anything else?” He did not even humor her by scanning the menu. He simply deadpanned, “I believe you’ve got it all covered.”

“I wish I could have all of you covered.”

Sesshoumaru cringed at the young man who continued to flirt with him. Well if it could even be called flirting...

A short glance at his name tag informed him that his name was Jakotsu. Jakotsu fluttered his eyelids, “Here or to go?”

Before the words, ‘to go’ could even leave his mouth, Kagome had already chirped out, “Here, please!”

Jakotsu once again shot her a dirty look, “Well then. That’ll be 15.95.”

Sesshoumaru once again gave a shudder, as he handed the money to Kagome to give in. She gave him a knowing smile and handed over the designated amount.

Jakotsu groaned in frustration, mumbling more to himself than Sesshoumaru, “I hate when they play hard to get. But the challenge is fun.”

Kagome pushed Sesshoumaru along before he could hurt the poor guy.

But could you blame him? I mean did Sesshoumaru look in the mirror at all?

He was freakin’ gorgeous...

Kagome blushed, ‘Not that I in particular think that he’s gorgeous... But some people might, and I understand how but—Crap. I just dug myself into a hole, didn’t I?’

She sighed.

“Order up!”

Here's (what I thought to be) a very funny line from forthright's Unspoiled, said by a very young Sesshoumaru after watching Kagome jump in and out of the now (or then... something like that) not-so-dry Bone-Eater's well... several times:

"Are you trying to drown yourself? You're not very good at it."

lol. He's very blunt (like his older self), but so innocent at the same time. It's adorable. ^.^

I love this author. She is amazing. This is from Pregnancy Woes by sesshou_lover

So she wasn't completely innocent in her wanting Sesshoumaru around. He was gorgeous, the perfect specimen to feature in her erotic imaginings, especially after she once caught him naked. Oh boy was that ever something. If it had been within her power she was pretty sure she would have raped him on the spot.

Her inner muscles clenched together. She hoped she was far enough away that Inuyasha's sensitive nose couldn't pick up her rising arousal. She didn't want to have to explain that she thought about forcing his half brother down to the ground while she rode him like a bronco.

A lecherous grin spread over her features, a grin that if Miroku saw, he'd be proud of. She just bet Inuyasha would be completely floored if she told him that.

I crack up every time i read it.

Lol we were actually discussing something like this in chat...and mine comes from Crack by Kai.

"BWEEE"

...that is all xD

And that was the crux of it

Lol - guess who wrote this?!

Resmiranda - Tales from the House of the Moon

And of course...

BWEEEEEE!!! (Crack by Kai) I founds me a miko...

From She Who the Prophecy foretold by Sunset Miko
This scene was totally brilliant, just so you know Kagome and Sesshoumaru are in the hot springs!

“That’s enough now. Down boy!” She giggled even harder as his eyes narrowed. “What? I need to take a look at those cuts on your leg.”

Realizing what that would mean, Sesshoumaru immediately tried to get his boy to go down as she had put it. ‘Think, think, think! She can’t see me like this! Ummm…Naraku… Kikyo…Naraku with Kikyo…Damn it! It’s not working! Oh, Jaken! Jaken in a kimono… Jaken naked.’ He shuddered in disgust at the thought. ‘Yeah, that did it. Thank Kami for Jaken naked. Wait, no, I didn’t just think that.’

This one's from Making the Most of Purgatory by Resmiranda.
It always made my heart ache.

"A dog is just like a wolf that is half-human, and Sesshoumaru was a youkai who felt so human he might as well have been hanyou."

From Kagome357's one-shot "The Binky" on ff.net, what an exasperated Sesshoumaru says when he finally figures out what a binky is, after his toddler daughter had been screaming for one:

“For the love of mass murder!”

From "Passion" by CirraAnna, "Into the West, part I" (one of the best out there if you've never read it, in my opinion)plus I am paraphrasing because the chp is very long.

Kagome and Sesshomaru have been having a secret relationship and have just been reunited after a long period away from each other..... they are in the hotspring, with Sesshomaru having worked his way south, and has slipped under the water (much naughtiness ensues, remember Sess is under the water and cannot be seen) just before Kagome's big finish she looks up and sees Shippo, he asks her when she is going back to camp, and she tells him that she will come soon..........

a few more moments pass, Sess is still under the water, exploring parts unseen...Inuyasha tries to get close to the spring and she sits him, he leaves after much arguing....she finally gets to finish, and he pops back up above the water...she asks him how hw could hold his breath so long, and he replies "well, I am a demon"

Here's one, it's from "Falling Stars" by Celyia. It can be found on ASS.
Sesshy: "You are a fool, human. One that demeans the very world by your mere exixtence."
Kagome: "Oh, nasty. Oddly flowery, but nasty."

Lol this is one from my own story "The Missing Bone" Chapter Two, where Sesshy sees the dreaded 'newspaper of doom' and runs away

'DO. NOT. WANT!'

X3

"Good God, your made of sexy"

from piratequeen405's latest chapter of "Dancing with Scissors"

ps Im not telling you how she uses it, I don't want to spoil the fruity goodness

I believed this to be hilarious. It is Unspoiled by Forthright

It is young Sesshoumaru speaking about Kagome.

“I am keeping her,” Sesshoumaru firmly added.

Rallying a little, Hisoka cleared his throat and reasonably pointed out, “You cannot simply pick up a stray human, milord. The people of her village will be furious; entire wars have been started for lesser reasons.”

The boy slowly shook his head. “This human says she is lost. She has no village.”

“A wanderer?” frowned the neko-youkai. “Hnn... I find it hard to believe that a human woman would be traveling alone. Does she have a name?”

Sesshoumaru blinked. “I did not ask,” he admitted. After a moment’s pondering, he inquired, “Should I name her?”

Great Fanfiction! A must read!

I have a feeling that I just have to put it in here..

I knew you'd marry me by MissTeak

“Higurashi Kagome!”

She frowned, for she hated it when they called her by her entire name. She hated it too, when they made fun of her name, as “Kagome” was also a famous Japanese brand selling fruit and vegetable juices, and tomato ketchup.

Stopping in her tracks, she whirled around to see little Sesshoumaru five feet behind her…down on his knee.

“Taisho Sesshoumaru!” She called out, taking in the sight of his childish face frozen in a mask of concentration and determination. “What are you doing?”

He was on his knee, she realized. Just like the scene she saw on TV.

“Will you marry me?”

.
.
.
.

“I’ve got a ring.” He said, in a voice that was meant to tell Kagome how much better he was than Inuyasha. “And it’s PINK.”

-----

hehe I remembered to have read a similar story to this one on paperback and it's just so cute..

From Misconceptions And Misunderstandings by Time on my hands [chapter 60]

-

“Thank you for standing with me.”

“Where else would I be, but at your side?”

Clawed fingers gently caressed her cheek.

“Promise me you will always be by my side.”

She nuzzled into the warm hand.

“Always. For as long as you want me.”

He leaned down, to brush his lips against hers.

“Forever.”

-

yay! I kinda like how Sess respond to Kagome..

Here is one from recent update of Dirty Laundry leads to... by lady_myth

Kagome leaned to her side, hands covering her breasts once more at the Dai’s proximity, peeking around him to see the spectacle.

She really wished she hadn’t.



OH. MY. KAMI.

She had been greeted with the sight of not one, but two upraised, bare asses. Gen and Gin were posed, kimono hiked up, on their hands and knees, presenting their bared sex to the Great Daiyoukai.

"Kagome felt the terrifying thrill of arousal die instantly at the sight.

Ohmykamiohmykami, myeyesmyeyesmyeyes!

A vicious, deafening roar penetrated through her and the Daiyoukai disappeared, only to reappear behind the two. Gen and Gin scrambled to get away from the murderous male, but were too slow. Both shrieking females were air-mailed out of the clearing: care of Sesshoumaru’s Black Boot Express.

Kagome stared in shock, unable to believe what she had seen.

Dear Kamis, why haven’t you invented brain-bleach yet? WHY?"

Black boot express had me laughing like crazy,my family got little bit worried about me

I love this one from Kanna37's Fetch:
The only reason he was even there was because she'd thrown the universally understood 'if you ever want to get laid again' look at him.

All males understood that look instinctively - and knew not to fight it.

It never ended well for those who did.

WiccanMethuselah wrote:
From my new favorite crack!fic, Mokomoko Plus Miko:

Sesshoumaru stood up, wiped the blood from his lips, and answered, "I do not spoon."

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Srsly. I can't quit laughing and I'm s'posed to be QUIET right now.

~~Wiccan~~

And it's because of this line that I will now be off to read Mokomoko Plus Miko. (scurries away)

I would also like to add one from lady_myth's "Dirty Laundry leads to..."
It's a short converstation between Kagome and Sango.


“I’m fine! I swear! If I need help I’ll scream bloody murder or—” Kagome’s hands began to glow a soft peach color, “—zap, zap like I usually do.”

“Zap zap?”

“Shut up! Or I’ll zap zap you!”

Definitely one of my favorite lines of all time...

Warning, kinda.. long. XD

From the story Hallowed Desire by Demonlordlover:

He gave a short nod. “Now, you will explain what you meant by it being ‘that time of the month.’” Even if the detour in conversation had proven fruitful, he wanted to get back to her original concern.

Reminded of her coming chore, Kagome groaned. “I have to balance my checkbook.”

Of all the things she could have said, that was not what he was expecting. “Balance your checkbook.” All the sighs and groans for that simple endeavor?

She pouted. “I’m not exactly algebraically gifted, if you take my meaning, Sesshoumaru. Add to that the fact that I hate going through all the receipts and check stubs. I put it off as long as I can, but every month I make sure to tally up everything so I don’t overspend.”

Appalled, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes briefly. He took a deep breath, then turned incredulous eyes on her slumped figure. “You do not keep track of your finances but once a month?”

“I know, I know. The thing is, stuff just gets piled up. I get too busy to bother with it.” She offered a bright, hopeful smile. “Today is the day that I have marked off to do it. And, it just so happens that there is a financial guru right here before me.”

He wryly noted, “I assume you are speaking of myself.”

“Please?” she begged. “It takes me forever and a day to get through it. I’m not asking you to do all the work. I’ll go through all the receipts and give you the numbers. I just need help tallying everything up and making sure I haven’t made any mistakes.”

Unable to resist, the impulse to delve into her financial affairs as thoroughly as he was her life impossible to quell, Sesshoumaru nodded. Kagome squealed in thanks and jumped up to retrieve her purse from the kitchen table. When she returned, she kneeled by his feet and upended the contents of the satchel on the coffee table. Under his watchful eye, she began to sort through the various bits of paper to find the receipts.

“You keep your receipts in your purse,” he stated blandly after running a hand over his eyes at the sight of the growing pile of small squares of white paper.

Kagome paused, looking over her shoulder at the resigned words. “Of course. Where else would I keep them?”

“A folder, in a filing cabinet, preferably with a lock, perchance?” came his sardonic reply.

“Pshaw.” She waved a hand dismissively before turning back to her task. “I don’t have the room for a filing cabinet. Besides, isn’t that going overboard just for some receipts?”

Talking to the back of her head, Sesshoumaru’s irritated glare had no affect. “What of your important papers? Birth certificate, banking statements, others of that nature?” Half of him dreaded the answer, while the other half leaned forward in semi-anticipation of her off-the-wall comment.

He was not disappointed.

She didn‘t even pause in the act of tossing an empty gum wrapper into the discard pile. “Oh, I keep those in the freezer along with the credit cards.”

“The freezer.”

Something in his voice must have given her pause, because Kagome swiveled her head around in time to catch his sour expression. “Yeah. I read somewhere that thieves never think to look in the freezer. It’s okay, because I’ve got the corn and sausages on top of it. Kinda like a disguise, you know? Blending into the surroundings and all that.”

Well, the first one is a I/K story, but still funny as all get out. The second is a S/K.

Kagome held up the picture to the camera and stuffed it into an envelope. "See?" she said after licking the envelope closed. "I admit that you have a sense of humor. Dark humor, but that's okay."

"Thank you for the compliment, Ms. Higurashi."

"You're welcome, Naraku." Kagome shoved the envelope through the slot in the door. "It's a picture of an apple."

"Yes, I saw."

Kagome smiled. "I wanted you to have a fond remembrance of when you offered the apple to Eve."

Hearing that, Inuyasha stuffed a fist in his mouth in an attempt not to laugh. Her ability to curse was becoming legendary.

Trapped - moonsilver (google it and you can find it. it is not on ff.net)

------------------------------------------------------

Kagome didn’t answer. She slowly but surely turned to Souta, whose mouth hung open while his fork lay forgotten on his plate. She carefully examined him and said, “Are you gonna tell me you’re secretly an evil boy genius?”

He met her eyes. “I’m failing science.”

Bad Company - ShadowBluebell

One of my favorites!
This is Coffee Shop Girl by Akay


Inuyasha sat up on the couch and met Sesshomaru's eyes. "Hey big bro, how you been?"

He looked at his sibling, but didn't answer. Kagome came from out of her room and looked at him. "Oh, you made it."

"Indeed." He answered while watching as the little girl went back to playing the game with Shippo. "What have you and Rin decided upon?"
He watched Kagome walking around picking up some stray items of Rin's before answering. "Origami lessons." He arched a brow at her, but she didn't see it for her back was turned to him. She said it so nonchalantly that it sounded as if she was serious.

"Origami?" he asked her and suddenly the noise level in the room lowered to whispers.

Kagome turned around and faced him. "Well, yeah. Rin saw someone doing it on television and decided she wanted to try it." She explained while placing Rin's toys in her bag. "Is that a problem?"

The whispers stopped and all eyes were on them. Sesshomaru looked over her shoulder and to the three figures sitting on the couch watching them. As soon as they noticed him looking their way both Shippo and Inuyasha jumped into a false conversation.

"So, I said to my doctor: Hey doctor, what's wrong with me? And he said . . . "

"Guys?" Kagome called out to them, cutting Shippo off. "Can you two possibly take Rin downstairs with you and we'll be right behind you?"

"Uh, sure. Come on Squirt." Inuyasha said as he stood up and stretched. "Let's leave these two to battle it out." Watching as the three of them exited Kagome's apartment, he looked at her. When the door closed Kagome was about to say something, but Sesshomaru stopped her when he suddenly opened the door and in fell Inuyasha and Shippo. Rin was standing behind them bewildered.

"I believe she said downstairs." He hissed irritated.

Inuyasha smirked, "Right. That she did. Come on you two. They want to be alone." he said grabbing Shippo up off the floor and dragging him downstairs. Rin happily followed behind them while laughing.

Info: From Birth by animegus farmus <-- on FF...
Summary: From the moment he saw her he knew she was his - too bad they'd decided she was meant for someone else.
Complete - Inuyasha - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,874 - Reviews: 31 - Published: 2-5-10 - Sesshomaru & Kagome

Lines:

When he was eighteen Inuyasha's life was over...

Sesshoumaru was going to kill him. Nothing was going to stop him this time, not even Kagome. He'd been in the middle of an important business meeting when he got the call. In real world perspective there was no way the situation was more important than his meeting, but Sesshoumaru had lost that perspective long ago. All he knew, all he cared about, was that Inuyasha had gone to the high school prom...and hadn't taken Kagome with him.

They'd been planning it for weeks and she'd been looking forward to it. Prom was important to girls. Being stood up by their prom date amounted to the end of the world to a teenager. Izayoi had been beside herself when she called. Whatever his boss might have said on the matter died abruptly on his tongue when the phone shattered in Sesshoumaru's hand. Eyes blood red, youkai crackling, Sesshoumaru took his usually shortest route – shattered window – out of the building and raced homeward with all the speed he could muster.

"You did what?!" Inutaisho asked, flabbergasted.

"I called Sesshoumaru. He left her all alone. She's sitting up there in her prom dress. Someone needs to talk to her and Sesshoumaru has always been best at that," Izayoi tearfully replied.

"Are you trying to get Inuyasha killed?"

"Wha-at?"

"Sesshoumaru has been completely and instinctively head over heels for the girl since she was born. If he decides Inuyasha has hurt her in any way he's going to kill the boy."

"But...but I always thought Inuyasha and Kagome would make a match of it."

Her statement was met by a veritable explosion of youki as Sesshoumaru passed overhead on route to the shrine.

"Really Izayoi, if you want Inuyasha to live to be much older you have to stop saying things like that."