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Naomi (Chapter 15) - Wed 23 Feb 2011

 

AWWWWW so sweet... T ^ T There are no words.... I love this.


Naomi (Chapter 14) - Wed 23 Feb 2011

Haha I finally looked up what the palanquin was =D I first just imagined a carriage drawn by horses, but I was completely wrong! 

Woaw-wee! That was an action packed chapter! The beginning had me freaking out! Thankfully Rin was saved, although I never actually expected her to die since your story has more of a romantic and fluffy undertone and killing Rin off goes against that. =D

In this chapter some things that were missed...

Ryo hadn’t said much sense (since) their journey back to the palace began.

“Miss Ryo is not interesting (interested) in getting to know Rin. Please Kagome-san?” Kagome’s head ducked slightly in a pained flinch as she felt the fire flicking off of Ryo.

 His tone was decidedly less teasing and his reference to Sheshin (Seishin) was much more neutral than his earlier taunts of ‘beast.’ 

Refocusing his thoughts back to their conversation at hand he asked, “Is this Sesshomaru to assume that your fathers (father’s) training did not include learning to ride (+side) saddle?”

It made him wonder exactly what this young woman had been through in her sort (short) years, for she was young to be a miko out of training, let alone so battle hardened

Energized by miss-placed (misplaced) jealousy and his own anger with himself for feeling that way, he surged into battle.

She looked like she was about to charge the creature which inflicted upon her her (the?) injury when from behind him [a charges’] (his charge’s?) scream caught her attention.

She was shamed (ashamed) to admit she desperately wanted to be back in that powerful circumference.

Hope this is helpful to you.

<3


Naomi (Chapter 13) - Wed 23 Feb 2011

Your descriptions of Sesshomaru are just wonderfully written. I feel like I can see him right in front of me, and not just words. You are pretty much painting a moving picture in my head!!! <3 Wonderful!

PARTY! \(^ v ^)/ awwww They are falling for each other!! I love it when you talk about the butterfly feelings you get when you like someone =D I can almost feel it when I read.

 So again, I read carefully =P...

As Rin chirped happily at the wears (wares) Kagome was deep in thought about the demon lord, most of those thoughts stemming from the market itself. This place seemed to represent the goals that the demon lord had for his lands as a whole.

Her heart fluttered at the idea of ever being familiar enough to we (be) wrapped in the strength and comfort of his embrace.

 especially when she’d turn to gaze up at him with a charming smile in response to his wards’ (ward’s) antics.

Hope this helps! ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!


Naomi (Chapter 12) - Wed 23 Feb 2011

BWUAHAH Private Onsen =D

We all know how much she loves them baths!                 

I was sad when I thought that Kagome was actually going to be left behind. When she asked for her weapons I thought she was gonna do some angry target practice until they came back. But boy, she just carges right in doesn’t she? =D and Yay the horse is hers!

Some things that I was able to pick up on for this chapter...

. those strange void demons -->forgot the t in those

There is also some sort of coding error 1/3 of the way down where the ‘<p>’ is showing. 

Again the [‘s] of something belong to something else.

Unnoticed ahead, (I)inuyasha’s ears twitched and he nearly missed tripping over a upturned root in the path. Sesshomaru was intentionally bating (baiting) the miko... he was actually flirting!

Anyhoo...I looove the story and the progress that you are making with the relationship. Slowly building it through interactions. It’s such a good read =D


helikesitheymikey! (Chapter 16) - Wed 23 Feb 2011

*squees happily* SHIPPO! we're gonna see Shippo right? is he gonna stay with her? probably one of the safest places to be because of the attacks. plus he and Rin can conspire together.*snickers*

LOVE IT!

PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

bet if Kanga has a hard time taking no for an answer he's getting roasted. also wonder just how many *and who all* girls will be seduced and sent away


Naomi (Chapter 11) - Wed 23 Feb 2011

AHA! I knew the horse was going to come back =D Sigh, Sesshomaru is such a sweetie underneath and so protective =] Knight in shining armor to hold her in his protective embrace... <3

AND YAY TO YOUR NEW BETA!!! (only one thing I think they missed)

For by loosing Kagome, he’d be loosing a great asset not only to his kingdom, but to himself. --> losing


Naomi (Chapter 10) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

Aw....the sweetness of it all >.< I can feel my heart clenching. Grr stupid Sesshomaru, you must get over your pride and learn to love humans!

I thought it was a good chapter, and the secret garden that Kagome found is cool. Although the yoga threw me off since I feels a little out of place. I would have imagined her just meditating lol.

So again, I read carefully just in case you and your betas forgot anything =D

Miroku would be vexed to know she hadn’t practiced their carefully choreographed routine sense (since) meeting Inuyasha.

 Not much surprised him, but when he caught sight of the miko in his mothers (mother’s) garden, her body twisted in a seemingly impossibly (impossible) pose 

Kagome payed (paid) little head (heed) to Padmaja’s warnings.

 How you conducted yourself whilst in his lordships (lordship’s) presence was nothing short of wild

Padmaja was particularly in-sensed (incensed) because yesterday had been an obvious challenge

 

There are a coupe place where you write lords instead of lord’s and other similar things. I think it was possessions need an apostrophe.

Normally such ceremony's (ceremonies) were held during special occasions or the new year

“Of course it does!” she relied (replied) curtly. 

 too nervous of making a mistake to chance loosing (losing) her concentration.

 

<3


Marulover (Chapter 16) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

AWESOME!  I LOVE this story, and the growing relationship between them!  You write very well, and I can't wait for more! Please update soon!  It's a great story, I can't wait to see what you do with it!


NightQueen (Chapter 16) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

Absolutely love this story!  Can't wait to see more of Kanga I think he will be impressed with Kagome as much as Sesshoumaru is! I'm totally excited to see Shipo!  Can't wait for the next chapter!!!!


ashley (Chapter 16) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

You officially have a new fan! I can't believe this is your first fanfiction on here! It's AMAZING! you keep all of the original characters the same even though the story is completly different! Know that I will be following religiously! I hope you update soon!


Naomi (Chapter 9) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

Aw Rin is so cuuuute =D Haha shuffling her food around. Although I find it weird that no one else wanted to talk to her when it was Sesshomaru who introduced Rin to the ladies. 

I am now very curious about the stallion...is he EVIL? Or just a misunderstood sweetie?

I'm off to read more!

This is section has the grammar stuff that I picked out during my read...

none could perform to the Lords (Lord’s) standards better than Sesshomaru himself.

As beasts of nature youkai are not generally moved by showy ornamentation, although most do appreciate the finer luxuries due ones (one’s) station. 

One comment: I’m not sure if you are supposed to capitalize ZABUTON as it is just a word from another language. Maybe italicizing it without the capital would work better? While I was reading it, the capital Z made me think that it was something super important until I looked it up.

 Today would mark the day when his future bride, and mother figure to Rin would meet (the sentence itself is fine except that you haven’t said who they will meet)

Unlike his other wives, who’s (whose) sole purpose was fulfilled upon consummating their marriage vows

 It would spare them the cold and clinical upbringing he was forced to endure under his fathers (father’s) care

There he waited for his potentials to arrive, while musing over his constant consideration for a tiny humans (human’s) pleasure.

At half past 11 (usually the number is spelled out, unless it is very long)

the girls with which she had shared enjoyable lite (light) conversation at the evening meeting of candidates the night before.

 and Kagome was not surprised to find that both girls came form (from) influential families

Aiko and Hitomi exchanged wounded and stunned expressions at the un-instigated jarb (jab?) from the young woman in front of them.

Kagome answer (answered) sweetly, and Rin looked at her wide eyed.

Sesshomaru mused over his wards (ward’s) behaviour

“oh(Oh)... um, thanks”

 “He’s mischievous little bugger. Quite a hand full (handful) that one.”

 

 Again, great chapter! 


Leah (Chapter 16) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

Yay! Update soon, I'm dying to read the next chapter, literally. Congrats too! You deserve it. One note: borders, not boarders. Boarders are people to whom you rent rooms, borders are lines between territories.


Naomi (Chapter 8) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

Sniff...Sesshomaru seems so cold right now, hopefully Kagome can mellow him out a bit. Another great chapter which I really enjoyed. I like Aiko, she's smart and perceptive and will hopefully be a loyal friend to Kagome.

Padmaja =D What a nice demoness she is! ORANGE KIMONO!!! I want to draw it so bad...if you have time and don't mind, send me a PM with it's descriptions? 

For this chapter...I found a couple grammar issues and spelling mistakes...(haha probably because you lost your beta around here? In order of reading...)

Digging in her heals (heels)

Impersievable’ flutter of cloth --> unperceivable? (MS word said there is no imperceive...?)

soft feminine giggles filled the room <halfway down ‘S’ not capitalized>

“Over the span of the next several weeks you will all be met with a series of challenges which will measure your worth, as his lordships(lordship's) wife

and their departure will be immediate and without insident. (incident)

house of the West --> if this is the title of the place, I think you need to write it with a capital H

“If a potential does particularly well, his lordship may grant her private time in his presence. I would suggest those given such a privilege to use that opportunity to gain his favor as his time is scarce and will otherwise be split among the other potentials.<--forgot the closing quotation

 You are permitted appropriate use of the library, and common rooms, unless you are otherwise engaged in the lords(lord's) service.

It was Aiko and Kagome however, who seemed to have quickly developed a friendship, however.

“You should brows (browse) the wardrobe.

 

That's it...<3 Now I'm going to read the next chapter =D


Naomi (Chapter 7) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

Hey!! =D I'm still reading now that class is over.

I found two tiny errors in the writing....

First is the one where the ladies are choosing their clothing. When you said they can keep whatever they 'ware' --> it should be 'wear'.

Second is the description of Kagome, where you described her as 'plane' instead of 'plain'.

That's all I could find. Plus I really love the time you took to describe Sesshomaru's features, I felt like I was standing in Kagome's place and looking up at him =D

Great job! ...on to chapter 8!


sophie (Chapter 16) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

hilarious and highly entertaining ^_^ could not stop reading until I reached the most recent post (walked away red-eyed but thrilled, looking forward to more, thank you for sharing!)


loli (Chapter 16) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

This is such a great story! I enjoy evey word.


sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 16) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

as always i lvoe this! so interesting, and i cant wait for more! i like that though kagome's the only one actually injured she's not begging for anything while all those sempering females are. so silly! but i LOVES it! morea please *wiggles update bribery c0okies at you*


Naomi (Chapter 6) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

Aw...it's so sweet ^^. Inuyasha is such a caring hanyou teehee.

Now that you talked about the rest of the group, I know where they are and what they are doing! YAY

I'm guessing in the future they will come visit Kagome at the citadel while she is undergoing the tests?


Naomi (Chapter 5) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

O.O Evil shadowy thingies! When you started mentioning voids...my mind immediately jumped to Miroku.

I was thinking he would be trying to 'save' Kagome and would then realize that she was in no danger and join the group or something =D

The battle was epic and awesome hehe...15 minutes of reading left.


Naomi (Chapter 3) - Tue 22 Feb 2011

nyyahah! stupid Inuyasha, you shouldn't be so childish and hide in a tree =D Especially when she's got arrows hehe

 

I'm loving this so far and I'm gonna keep reading till I have to go to school ^^


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