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Does this synopsis make my story look fat?
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TOPIC: Does this synopsis make my story look fat?
#85955
Melinda
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Does this synopsis make my story look fat? 4 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 1
Hi my name is Melinda. I'm a first-time fanfiction author and I have a problem we all struggle with, the dreaded synopsis.

Please read my new story "The Strange Life of Kagome Higurashi" and tell me if you think the synopsis gives you a good idea of what to expect from the story or if it should be reworded to match it better. More than half of it is posted,and the last few chapters will be up in the next week. It will have a happy ending, as that is the only kind I like to write.

dokuga.com/fanfiction/story/8053/1

Thanks!

ADMINISTRATIVE EDIT: Rated MA
 
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Last Edit: 2013/01/12 11:57 By MoxyMikki.
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#85957
Texanlady
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Re:Does this synopsis make my story look fat? 4 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 27
Oh my gosh! You're topic line is so hilarious! I clicked on this just because of that line!
 
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#85960
laenfante
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Re:Does this synopsis make my story look fat? 4 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 11
You, too?
 
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#85963
Sp@ceMonkey
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Re:Does this synopsis make my story look fat? 4 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 3
Clever title for the thread.

I don't have the time to check out the whole fic, but on the summary I can offer some suggestions, just based on what my experience has been with fan-fiction.

1) you have some spelling errors, ("since" should be "sense", "Buyo", not "Boyou"), which will turn some of the more intense spelling sticklers off, just on that alone. 2) I would be careful about repetition and giving too much away. Foooooor example....

"How is it "(should there be a "that" here? Try saying it out loud to get the flow: I'm not sure about the wording.) nothing in Kagome's life is even remotely normal? (This is fine, though it sounds like a casual conversation. If that's what you were going for, keep it.)

"In this story" (I don't know about anybody else, but every English teacher I ever had griped at me about "telling people what they already know" -- In this case we don't need the "in this story", because we know it's a story, and that this summary is going to tell us what's in it. The qualifier is superfluous. If there is another qualifier-- if the story takes place in a month, or if the main events happen in one night or weekend, you can change it to something like: "In one weekend she managed to... eat Buyo, etc.)

"she eats the family cat, (simpler to just say "Buyo") gets mysterious stripes in unusual places, (comma added) and gets knocked up by a demon before she even knows his name or face. This is a cheeky, funny story with fluff and a drop of lemon (but no full citrus). My since of humor is sometimes dark (as poor Boyou can attest). One thing I can say is that this story's original! lol enjoy! ( Personally-- this is just me-- I'm automatically suspicious when anyone comes out and tells me anything they've written or made is funny. You can keep it more casual by just saying, "Fun and fluffy, with a drop of lemon, this is one ride you don't want to miss!" if you want to keep the advertising tone.)

The "name or face" line is great. Really makes me wonder how she managed to pull that off, makes me want to read.

The rest is good too. I wouldn't recommend using any text speak in a summary-- many readers have a major hate-on for text speak, and will avoid like the plague any story they think might use it.

lastly-- (if it were me, you don't have to pay any attention if you don't like this)-- I would cut some parts: "a drop of lemon" is enough without the "(no full citrus)" and telling us about your sense of humor isn't necessary, try something shorter, like "a little dark", and considering Buyo was apparently eaten by Kagome, we pretty much know he's not too fond of your sense of humor. Poor kitty!

This is lightyears ahead of where my first summary was: It's interesting, and drops hints without giving away the whole plot. I would streamline a little, and you'll be in business! Good job!
 
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#85986
Melinda
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Re:Does this synopsis make my story look fat? 4 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 1
Wow sp@ce monkey, thanks for the suggestions! I really appreciate the thought you took to help me improve my description I'll take your suggestions and re-write it tonight.

I'm glad you guys liked the title of my thread, it made me chuckle when I thought of it.
 
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