ah the struggles of parenthood. I'm certainly not looking forward to the day either of my kids are dating.

Amy I think your teen is just reacting the way she did because, deep down, she knows you are right and doesn't want to face that fact. She probably just interprets what is actually your expressed concern as "mom is judging me by the friends I keep. and if mom is saying negative things about my friends/boyfriend the its because she thinks I can't make my own choices"

You know... that typical thing teenagers do where they read WAY too much in to things, and make a mountain out of a mole hill.

No offense to the teens here because not all teens are the same, but lets be honest... this is a general truth of all teens which transcends gender and generation.

Hang in there sugar... you just raise her the best you can, and be there when she needs you. At this age thats the most you CAN do. And you seem to be doing a great job. xoxoxo

insomniac_amy wrote:
It was a first date, he asked her out and they didn't have any pre agreement to go dutch. I wouldn't have had such a problem with it if he had at least bought thier snacks. When me and my husband were dating I always offered to pay, he never let me, but I wouldn't have minded.

I'm thinking that had you included this bit of info in the initial post, this thread would not have gotten so long.

Wow, seriously- what are this boy's parents teaching him? I agree with everyone in this thread- whoever asks should 'expect' to pay for that first date- even if your date won't let you pay for them (or pay at all, since a lot of guys out there are still old-fashioned enough that when the girl who asked them out goes to pay for something, they insist on 'being a gentleman', for whatever that means and paying instead), it's that he didn't even make the offer that is making everyone reading this thread go 'uh . . . wait, what? Are you kidding me?'

Maybe you should give your daughter time to wait and see...

if she goes on another date with this guy, very calmly ask her if this guy is paying, on their second date... because "its only fair you paid last time"

However it comes out... and whoever pays, the person not paying should try to keep things cheap in my opionion, when me and my fiancee go out? I know hes pretty broke most of the time- so when he offers to pay for dinner, I offer to split something with him, we both eat, and im not bleeding his wallet for every last penny.

First dates are hard thought- some young girls will do whatever it takes to sort of hold onto a guy they really like...

looool Freya I gotta admit that you are probably right I was really too tired to be trying to post anything serious at the time, but I have enjoyed reading all the responses

MoxyMikki, I can only hope that I am doing a good job with her. This is her senior year so it's probably my last year to try and cram all the wisdom I can into her while she's still home. I find it so funny that we are so full of contradictions when it comes to our kids. You know there is the whole teach them to walk and talk only to tell them to sit down and shut up and then we spend all the years in between teaching them to be independent and make their own decisions only to "question" them every chance we get. I guess that's part of our "growing up" and learning as parents, or at least it has been in my case.


That's a good idea to wait and see what happenens next time! That and I think I will send her with only enough money to pay her own way.

Hey! I want to stir this pot too! Tell your daughter that if the boy isn't treating her with courtesy and consideration, then he isn't seeing how special and valuable she is. The lout has a treasure beside him and he's treating her like a convenience? I don't think so. If he doesn't recognize his good fortune that she agreed to be seen with him, then toss him out with the trash!

While that sounds like a very good idea.... my daughter tends to be the type that the more I dislike and question a guy and his motive's. The more attractive he becomes. Sometimes I think my kid is brain damaged

When my hubby and I were just dating in highschool, if he didn't have the money to pay for us to go do something, he didn't want to go do it. He wouldn't even hear of me paying for anything. If this guy your daughter is seeing doesn't have the funds to pay, which might be the reason he didn't offer, there are tons of free things to do. For that matter, once my son is old enough to date, if he isn't working or earning money somehow, he better figure out inexpensive things to do with lady friends. You shouldn't have to fund your child's entertainment past a certain age, let alone their significant other's entertainment too.

It may be naughty, but I would be inclined to invite the young man's parents out for a meal to "get to know them". Just to see if there is any common courtesy lingering there...

Yeah me and my husband have came up with an 'action plan' concerning our girls when they do start hanging out with friends or going out on dates.

A set amount of money they can take with them to pay for things, an understanding that if they want to they can pay for everything or if they want to that it is okay to ask/tell the other people/person to pay for something.

And like I said in my earlier comment that it is not okay for the person or people they are with to expect them to pay for everything.


Example: I love her to death but my friend 'Tina' takes the cake, I used to be nice and buy her lunch whenever we hanged out but it got to the point to where she would take one bite and throw away the food. When I stopped paying for her she amazingly stopped hanging out with me! lol

A guy who is a user will watch for this willingness to pay for things and do things for him. A user or pathological narcissist will not hang around a female who does not pay for things, and wait on him, and will move on to another victim. Thus, it is best, at the beginning of a relationship, to make sure he pays AT LEAST his fair share, and not offer much in the way of assistance of any kind. Then, if he splits, you know he was looking for someone he could freeload off of.