Broken by Aly

Broken Thoughts Turned Memories

Disclaimer: Have Not, Do Not, Will Not own Inuyasha.

*Aly comes into the picture fortified with full body pillow armour* Ahem...yes, so, while I realize that you all must hate me...greatly, I would like to take this time to announce to the world that I dislike both math and history...greatly! I'd say hate but my friend always says that hate is one step away from love and I'd rather be as far away from love while still retaining my indescribable distain for both subjects. Anyhow, I realize that I took forever(again) in getting a chapter out to you all and I really am sorry and I realize that I'm a terrible person so on and so forth. So, really, I cote we get past all this and finally get onto the VERY belated update of Broken...shall we?

Kagome slowly blinked, her vision turning from black nothingness to fuzzy outlines and eventual shapes as light entered her vision. The first thing to hit her was panic. She had no idea where she was, everything looked strange and unfamiliar. But slowly things started to seep back into her brain. Sesshomaru coming to her apartment and turning feral on her. She probably passed out at some point, but none of that explained why she was in a strange room and on a bed that felt like a silk wrapped cloud.

Kagome tried to sit up and winced. She hurt, sure, her arms hurt like hell from the claw marks, but that wasn't it, it was like her whole body was opposed to movement. Like her muscles had ceased up and wouldn't let her move. Suddenly Kagome was rather scared, when was the last time she had eaten? Well, she hadn't eaten a true meal in months, but when was the last time she ate...something. She couldn't remember.

Then again, she didn't even know where she was...had Seshsomaru gotten so angry that he had killed her and she was in some kind of limbo? No, that made no sense, she was definitely on a bed and she hurt too much to be dead. Still, that didn't really get anywhere. The fact that she couldn't move didn't help her situation any.

Kagome winced as the pain signals her stomach was sending her finally made their way into her brain. So, apparently her stomach also felt a need to revolt against her. She felt sick, she was between nauseous and fainting. Obviously she had gone far too long with absolutely no nutrition. Maybe she should rethink her diet?

Kagome almost laughed at that thought. As if, why would she care? So what if she was hungry, she couldn't move anyway so maybe that was just a sign. Still, if she couldn't move wouldn't it have been fair for her pain receptors to stop working? She felt like her body was straining against itself and her skin felt as though it was constantly tightening and squishing her insides. It was agony.

A sudden sound in the darkened room she lay in broke her out of her pain filled mussing to focus on the painful rectangle of light broken only by the outline of someone standing in the now open doorway.

"Good, you're finally awake, I was beginning to wonder..." Kagome allowed Sesshomaru's smooth voice to roll over her and she couldn't decide if she needed to hear more or if she wanted to cut her ears off for fear of hearing his baritone voice ever again. As Seshsomaru moved further into the room, allowing more light to flood the darkened space Kagome wanted to shrink back but she didn't have the energy and moving hurt.

So instead she lay there, waiting for the inevitable pain, she was sure Sesshomaru was angry still, but maybe it was better this way, because with his anger she could at least pretend to justify killing off her unborn child. Yes, hell, he might even drive her to the clinic and pay for it, especially since Kagome wasn't sure if she had the money to even pay for an abortion. When was the last time she had worked? She couldn't remember, it had all gotten so hazy and disjointed.

The urge to puke her guts out came but there was nothing in her stomach to heave, so she was forced to painfully roll onto her side and dry heave, gasping for the oxygen that wouldn't come. It wasn't morning sickness, it was her body's reaction for going without any food for so very long.

Kagome was surprised when she felt Sesshomaru's long finger brush against her face and push her hair back to sit behind her ear.

"Kagome. Kagome I need you to focus on me now all right?" But she couldn't do it, she was still gasping for air and it felt as though her airway had closed over. She couldn't breath, she was choking and a paralyzing fear gripped her. She was choking, there was no air, her lungs were burning and she was still gagging on imaginary bile and suddenly she didn't want to die. But none of that mattered anymore because she was dying, her lungs were giving out and she was burning up inside and she just wished.

She wished that she could have known what it felt like to be truly loved. Kagome wished that she had never fallen down the well, but then she wished that her time in the past had never come to an end. But mostly she wished that al the pain would just leave. Because the pain was too much and it was surrounding her, dragging her down into the inky darkness where death was waiting and she didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

But then she was back, choking and sputtering and crying from the lack of oxygen and the stifling fear. And she vaguely realized that Sesshomaru was shaking her and hugging her and stroking her hair all in at the same time in a lucrative attempt to stop her from giving in, from giving up. And for the pathetic life of her she couldn't understand why.

She couldn't understand why he even bothered, and for that matter, why he even cared. It was Sesshomaru after all, the stoic Lord of the West. The taiyoukai that didn't give a hanyou's ass about anyone but himself. Yet he had stopped her from giving into death. Kagome looked up at him with streaming eyes, a look of confusion on her face.

When their eyes met Kagome saw a myriad of emotions swirling in his golden depth, there was everything from the expected anger to hurt and pain and confusion; frustration...and then there was something that she knew but didn't feel like identifying so she let it slip her by.

"Damn it Kagome, I didn't bring you here so you could die on me! Now you are going to do exactly what I say until you're able to actually walk out of this room on your own or so help me, I'll chain you to the bed and force you to eat. Understand?" Kagome didn't really, why would he care? But she was too tired to do anything but nod her head once before going limp in Sesshomaru's arms and allowing him to position her back on the bed.

She heard Sesshomaru sigh before he got up off the bed, the silky cloud shifting to accumulate for the lost weight.

"Don't do anything stupid, I'll be right back with some food, you have to eat and I'd prefer to not have to take you to the hospital, chances are they'd try to give you a plethora of drugs and while they may not harm a human child a youkai pup, even a hanyou could be greatly harmed by them." Kagome didn't really listen to him, she couldn't make sense of what he was saying anyway, it sounded like he actually cares, like he was talking about the child in the long run but that was impossible. After all, Sesshomaru had no qualms about announcing his hatred for both humans and hanyous to the world.

She chalked it up to a combination of no sleep, no food and a near death experience, it was obvious that she was hallucinating. Kagome settled for staring into nothing and ignoring him, he probably wasn't even there anyways. Maybe she was in hell and she was being forced to see something that she could never have, she was going to get to see a semi-concerned and perhaps even caring Sesshomaru before it would all be ripped away from her.

Yes, that made sense. Still, she felt a small and of pain at the thought that this Sesshomaru was just a figment, because that meant that her secret hope for him to love her in some way never had a chance, not even the slightest. And now her hope was being used against her to prove to her how ridiculous her dream was. Still, the part that hoped for his love, that tiny spark of her that protested against dying flared to life at the possibility that she wasn't dreaming and that everything was actually real. But she snuffed her hope out before it could really take root, she didn't need her own hope to be the crushing blow that finally brought her down.

Kagome was so lost in her own musings that she didn't even notice that Seshsomaru had left until he returned, a tray laden with various food held in one arm and a bottle of water in the other. He slowly made his way over to her and set the tray and water down on a side table that had escaped her notice thus far. He settled onto the bed and propped her up against the headboard so that she was in a sitting position.

But Kagome was to weak to remain sitting up and she allowed her body to topple over, uncaring of how she landed. Sesshomaru made an aggravated noise and then sighed lightly.

"How could you do this to yourself Kagome? What happened to you?" Kagome didn't answer, in fact, she blocked him out completely before his words could actually reach her. She didn't want to listen to his questions because she really didn't know and if she actually heard what he asked she would cry, and then she would feel guilty because he actually had to ask her such questions, and living only because of guilt was worse than not living at all.

So she blocked the rest of the world out, going it not he protective shell of her mind and sitting in the darkness, uncaring of anything, ignoring her body's pain and finding a sick pleasure in revelling in her own mind's pain. But she was brought back to the real world when Sesshomaru pulled her against his chest to that her back was supported by his front and his arms held her upright and steady.

It felt like a mockery of a caring hug and Kagome wanted to cry but her body was so dehydrated that she didn't even have the water to spare to actually shed anymore tears that day. So instead she allowed herself to pretend that he cared and relax against him, trusting him to do for her body what she could not. Trusting him to make her better when she lacked the drive to do so herself.

Kagome opened her mouth when Seshsomaru bid her to and she slowly ate the applesauce from the spoon. It was such a small amount of nourishment but to Kagome's underfed body it felt like an entire meal. Her stomach was already rebelling against the very thought of actually eating something even while it rumbled in want.

In the end Kagome was only able to eat a few more spoonfuls of the purified substance and a few sips of water. Sesshomaru tried to get her to eat and drink more but Kagome felt like she was going to die if he made her so she fought weakly against him. Luckily enough for her Sesshomaru relented, stopping her weak struggles by pinning her to his chest and wrapping his arms around her.

"Be still Kagome. It is all right, we will stop for now. Sleep, your body still requires rest, when you wake up next I will feed you once more. We have to take this slow apparently your body doesn't even know what food is anymore. Sleep, I will stay with you, rest Kagome, please."

Kagome did as he told her because she had already given her life to him. She had decided, at least in her mind, that he was far more capable of controlling her life that herself. He would somehow make everything better, because he didn't know how to fail. And so she silently handed him the reigns to her life, allowing him to take complete control and deciding that she would try to fight against him as little as possible.

He was the master and she was the puppet, waiting to act out his command. And so when he said sleep she closed her eyes and allowed the darkness to whisk her away to a place where there were to harmful memories, to a place where her friends smiled and Shippou laughed with her. She went to the land of dreams, allowing Sesshomaru to do with her body what he would.

Okay, see, this is the thing about karma...I'd like to say it doesn't exist but it just keeps on coming to bit me in the ass. I mean, first I take forever in updating and then when I actually HAVE an update my internet decides to take a vacation and DIE on me, thereby ensuring that I can't post this chapter until my dad or my brother fix it(because heaven forbid that I try and it just gets worse, even though I do the EXACT same thing that they do to fix it >.) which means I have to wait a while because it's one o'clock in the morning. W-W sigh...okay, I'm sorry, I'm done ranting...hopefully. I'm just tired is all...hopefully I can post this fairly soon...apparently the internet doesn't like being threatened...that or it just hates me. Okay, responses are below, thanks to everybody that reviewed and/or rated. You guys keep me writing(even though it doesn't seem like it).

FluffysGirl?- Aw, thank-you! Haha, aw, sugar comas are the best, sigh, well, I have no plans to not continue this fic, my updates are just...uh...sporadic? Ha-ha.

Mika- Ya, the child is still alive...I don't think I could kill it...there'd be no way for me to make this into a happy fic in the end! Haha, thanks you, I'm glad you thought so. Sigh...well...she wasn't really surprised but I think she's still kinda out of it.

Black_Rose- Sigh, alas you are right. Um...I dunno, I have a basic outline but I find that when I actually plot everything out I can't write...that or I end up changing things anyway. But I do have a general outline and I usually know where I want to take each chapter...some are just harder than others ^_^

kotainuchan- haha, well here's you next dose, don't worry it shall end happily...it'd better, cause that's what I had planned, haha.

Any9- Ak, I know, I'm so, SO sorry. And then I took forever to get this chapter to you...sigh, please don't hate me. But I'm glad that you liked the chapter!

serasvictoria666- Haha, chocolate makes everything better ^_^ Ya, it'll be okay, Sesshomaru will make sure of it! Kagome too, not to worry.

Mlmonty- Um... hehe heh, the only think I can say is that it'll become batter as it goes on...slowly though. Well, I wouldn't hold it against you. Glad you like it enough to be torn...that sounded odd...sigh...oh well.

emmyjenny- Aw, thanks for understanding. Sigh, yes...school, the only two classes that I really hate are history and math, then I get writing so that's fun. Haha, yes, sleep is good, it aids in the whole being alert thing...haha.

K, that's all...sigh...I'm running out of chapter titles, not that they make much sense int he first place but I was trying to have the words 'broken' and 'memories' in each title...any ideas? Haha, well, rate, vote and thanks for reading!