I think... with a little bit of revision, this one could have a better flow. It was too rushed in my opinion *shrugs* Anyway, I'm actually suprised that Sesshomaru has two mates. In other stories, it's usually Kagome, so hmm... that was unexpectedly hot *fans herself* What lucky women to have him *sighs dreamily*

Whoa!  You've got so much going on here that I'm a bit overloaded with information.  I really like what you were trying to do here and you probably could have gone into a lot more detail about what happened in the 5 years and broken this up into a few chapters.  

I know that it's really easy to be redundant - to use certain words or phrases repetitively - I do it all the time.  So what I do is when I start to see a pattern, I try to go through and use other words or other phrases or try to rework the sentence or idea until it doesn't look like the rest.

Good job, though.  Keep working at it!