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333Tenshi (Chapter 5) - Fri 31 Jul 2020

Great story


MythMagykFae (Chapter 7) - Wed 01 Jul 2015

Wow, what an absolutely sweet story!  I love the idea and could definently see something like this happening to Kagome lol (:  wonderful story and very well written 


Kitsune Diva (Chapter 7) - Sat 06 Dec 2014

I enjoyed your story very much.  I liked how the gods showed up in the story and their comedic personalities. 


KShadeslady (Chapter 6) - Sat 29 Nov 2014

Just noticed a lot of folks were hitting the grammar hard. You all need to realize that Summer is from Finland and English is not her first language. So be gentle. English is one of the most difficult languages to learn (Most Americans don't do a decent job of it either). I don't think many of us would be able to write a story in Finnish. Not a flame to you all, just a suggestion to check out her bio. 


KShadeslady (Chapter 7) - Sat 29 Nov 2014

I really enjoyed these seven little tales about our groups interactions with these deities. I loved the lessons on culture and legend at the end of each story. The only one I knew about was Hotei. Mostly because my dad was assigned for a short while on Okinawa and he bright home a carved statue of said deity. Sadly we were never assigned to Japan and I was only ther for a short period of time while waiting for a flight to another assignment. I was lucky enough to be assigned in Seoul, ROK for a year. I grew to love it there very much. Thank you for this very nice story. 


Tessitura (Chapter 7) - Sat 11 Oct 2014

This was such a delight to read.  Thank you for sharing.


Calypso (Chapter 7) - Sun 17 Jul 2011

This was such an interesting story Summer. I can see the research you put into this. You might want to check for spelling errors more often but other than that it's pretty much okay.


InuLover (Chapter 1) - Sun 15 May 2011

I really like the story concept you have with this fic. But, I found it very difficult to get through even this first chapter, due to the lack of adjectives, so I just thought I'd mention it. I'll use the first few sentences for examples.

A dark haired girl in [a] bright colored kimono leaned over the rail of [the] boat, sporting a rather greenish look on her face. Next to her sat [an] equally dark haired man, holding her shoulders to prevent her from falling into the sea. The man was wearing a purple monk's robe, and next to his feet were his staff and the girl's chosen weapon.

This lack of adjectives, which are an intregal part of English, is, thankfully, not consistent.  At first, I thought it was just a minor grammatical error, like missing words (which also seem to occur frequently), or misspelled words, but it continues on throughout the chapter, and the story. (Yes, I have read further on, only because I like the story and the notes you put at the end of each one, explaining the gods. It's just been awhile, and when I saw this story was nominated, I wanted to read it, not realizing it was the one with all the missing adjectives. So, I figured that I would give a little help in that area.) :D

 Also, when using mutliple describing words, they should be hyphenated.  Such as: "a dark-haired girl in a brightly-colored kimono".

I've, also,  been noticing this one thing in several fics I've read, and I'm not really sure of the reasoning for it. In the sentence, "You wish happiness to those you've barely met, yet want nothing to yourself?", the word "to" should be "for".  Maybe you can enlighten me, because it's really confusing when I see the word "to" being used in place of "for". 

Anyhoo, I hope you take this in the spirit it was meant. :D


sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 7) - Sun 27 Mar 2011

OH THATS SO CUTE!!!! {*LOVES!!!!*}

 


dreamcatcher (Chapter 7) - Sun 27 Mar 2011

Summer, this was a real fine story! I loved it and had so much joy in reading it. The ending is perfect and leaves a warm feeling with me. Thank you for this story.


Creature of Shadow (Chapter 7) - Sun 27 Mar 2011

Congrats on finishing Summer luv! I had a great time working with you on this, even though our emails got screwy. XD I enjoyed reading this as I went along, it had an awesome plot. I hope you write more in the future, and should you need a beta again, you know where to find me! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 6) - Fri 25 Mar 2011

*giggles girlishly* :d *is pleased*


sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 5) - Mon 21 Mar 2011

oh i likes this! and Hiss kirara!


ILM (Chapter 3) - Sun 06 Mar 2011

i love read your story. not only do i get too read a very wonderful story but i get a lesson too. keeep it up.


sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 3) - Sun 06 Mar 2011

0o0o0o this is so sweet! i LOVE It!  0o0o0o0o0o0o0o i get so happy seeing your updates!


Ayakashi (Chapter 2) - Thu 17 Feb 2011

Great fic!  Nice use of mythology.  I can't wait to read the Bishamonten chapter!


Rosalind (Chapter 2) - Wed 16 Feb 2011

another excellent chapter, i'm glad that kagome manages to get along with these gods so well just by being herself, very awesome and i love that she's practically been guaranteed a long life


Rowdys girl (Chapter 1) - Wed 16 Feb 2011

Birdy, this was wonderful! I love the soft sweetness of the story, the glow of friendship and love interwoven through it. Truly a brilliant gem of storytelling.

I found a number of things for your review. I have taken into consideration the difference in our English dialects, as in American syntax things like silver haired would be hyphenated: silver-haired, bright colored would be brightly colored or bright-colored. I have noticed in British, Canadian and Australian syntax that doesn't seem to be the case.

I normally don't go into such depth in reviewing a chapter, but this is such a fine example of creation that I want it to be perfect... or as perfect as it can be. And I am certain that you looked it over before you posted it, but our brains play a little game with us - we see what we expect to see. It is very hard to proof-read your own work for that very reason. You have to be fairly OCD *waves hand* like me. LOL!

Anything bolded and in italics is a suggestion.

If it is just bolded, then it needs to be changed.

The underlining is just to help emphasize issues.

Anything in brackets should be deleted.

My comments are in plain italics.

A dark haired girl [with] in bright colored kimono leaned over the rail of boat,  (Just a suggestion. Use of the word with indicates that she just has it beside her, not that she's wearing it.)

Next to [him] her sat equally dark haired man, (This is what happens when you write so fast. I have the impression that this tale just flowed from your fingers.)

The man was wearing a purple monk's [rope] robe,

A raven haired girl sat on the opposite side of boat with a silver haired man.

The silver haired man wearing a white kimono moved bit closer to her

The girl giggled and looked fondly at her intended mate. “No, [your] you're right, Sesshoumaru. But it's because he respects that Sango's already feeling ill.  (You need to include the articles [the] at the begining of these two sentences. Remember that clarity is important in communication.)

Sango could have [rode] ridden Kirara to the other side, just like Rin and Shippo, who were sent with Ah-Un and Jaken to fly across the bay,

The boat ride didn't take too long and soon they were at the rocky point[,] that was their destination. (Articles are your friends, don't forget the, it clarifies and sharpens your writing. I suggest removing the comma as it is unnecessary.)

The tachi climbed the rocky pathway towards shore and forest where the kids, the toad demon and the dragon were waiting for them. (Yeah, this story just whipped itself out of your brain and into the computer. You must have been typing at lightspeed to get it all down.)

They were not far from the shore[,] when Kagome noticed a rather wealthy looking man sitting on the rocks by the sea. (The comma is unneeded.)

He was rather round[,] and dressed (All that is needed here is the and.)

She was so focused on her thoughts[,] that she didn't notice rocks in her way[,] and, being ever so clumsy, she tripped over them. (The first comma is unnecessary as it breaks up the flow of the sentence. The second comma is misplaced: "...she didn't notice the rocks in her way and she tripped over them." If you drop the parenthetical phrase from the sentence you need the and there to connect the two clauses.)

She took a look in the man's direction.

The man kept sitting in his place, not moving a muscle.

Whatever he was going to say was forever lost[,] when Kagome elbowed him [to] in the ribs. (This comma breaks the flow of the sentence, if you read it aloud, you will notice that you don't pause there. That's a good way to decide whether a comma should be placed in a sentence. Generally, if you have a natural pause when reading aloud, then you should probably place a comma at the pause.)

The others watched in awe and wonder at the interaction between taiyoukai and Kagome. And were even more confused [they got] when

She walked around him to face him[,] and slowly knelt in front of him. (Again, the and is sufficient to connect the two clauses, the comma is overkill.)

“I already have so much[.]: Friends, love and family.”  (This is the perfect spot for a colon, because what follows is a series and is really a part of the preceding phrase.)

He then proceeded to pull a fish from the water. (Articles, Love, they are your friends.)

It was largest fish Kagome had ever seen[,] and it took her awhile to recognize it as red sea bream, (And is sufficent in this place.)

The last thing Kagome heard[,] was soft voice that drifted softly to her ears. (Again, the comma breaks the flow of the sentence.)

Later that evening, when they had reunited with rest of the tachi, the fish was roasting over the fire

He's also the only one that is fully of Japanese origin,

He is the protector of fishermen, farmers and merchants, and god of good luck.

He's recognised [from] by wealthy looking clothes, [and] a pointed, folded hat, fishing rod, [and] freshly caught fish (usually sea bream, tai, as it is the symbol[s] of good luck), a plump figure and wide grin on his face. (Okay, this is an example of items in a series and each item should be followed by a comma until you get to the last one, the wide grin on his face. I don't normally edit the A/Ns, but you need to keep in mind that clarity is vital anywhere you are communicating information.)

I apologise, Birdy, for the length of this review, but I really feel that you and your story are worth the time and effort it took to be so in-depth in giving you concrit.

Rowdy

 


sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 2) - Wed 16 Feb 2011

i loves this!


SilverontheRose (Chapter 2) - Wed 16 Feb 2011

Excellent work!  I'm greatly enjoying the effort you have put into your research and writing.  I look forward to the next chapter.


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