Reviews for Aitraaz by kagometea

Sessylove219 (Chapter 1) - Fri 16 Apr 2010

I have to say, I was extremely confused throughout the entire thing...there are some serious issues regarding layout and font choices here. I would recommend breaking up the paragraphs when you are changing speakers so that the reader knows that someone else is talking. Also, you put Kagome's thoughts in bold at one point but did not do it at another point. The last paragraph seemed like a recap but I don't see why it was needed. If the reader was paying attention, they would not need it. I would try to go through and clarify this piece...once that is done, you will have a good chapter!

Angelicatt (Chapter 1) - Wed 14 Apr 2010

The mistaken identity premise is a great idea but your story needs to be re-worked as it doesn't flow all that well. Getting help from a beta would greatly improve your grammar, sentence structure and context. The chapter itself is a little short but with some more details, a little more description and the redo's it will make for an interesting piece. Keep working at it.

Scherherazade (Chapter 1) - Wed 14 Apr 2010

I like the mistaken identity idea. It's very funny.  But so far this is very rushed.  Slow down use more description.  What does their surroundings look like? What do they look like?  Why does Sesshoumaru assume she is the maid, is it the way she is dressed or something else?  I also think he decides he is in love with her too fast.  This could be a hilarious read.  Just develop the plot and your characters some more. 

Hairann (Chapter 1) - Tue 13 Apr 2010

First I need to point out a rule you broke.  Chaptered stories on Dokuga have to have chapters of 700+ words each, and this one is less than 600.  However, with a bit of work you could easily get this story over the minimun word count.  The biggest piece of advice I can give you is details.  Show her arriving at the building, what she sees, even what she's wearing.  Also make sure you don't have more than one person speaking per paragrah, always start a new one for each person.  It will help the story to flow at lot easier.  I'd recomend staying away from words in bold to distinguish for thoughts, try iltaics or the thoughts within ' '.  They tend to be far less interupting for the readers.  And try to slow down a bit, there is no reason to rush, plan out your chapter and take as long or as many words you need to tell the story. 

Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Tue 13 Apr 2010

You have a good idea in the works here. However you need to slow everything down. Your plot is extremely rushed and is hard to follow at the moment, my suggestion would be to go back through it and fill in some details to flesh everything out a little, not only will this make everything easier to follow, but it will also help you boost your chapter to over  the 700 word minimum that Dokuga requires of chapters in chapter stories. Also it will help the flow of your story if you break up the conversations from paragraph form, this will help your readers be able to more easily follow who is saying what. You have a very good start here, and I wish you all the best in the future.

Ink (Chapter 1) - Sun 11 Apr 2010

I think your story has a good start, but you might want re-read it or have someone read it out loud to you. Some parts dont make sence, but all together I like the storyline and think its going to be a great story!

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