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This Is Not A Love Song by Faded Grey

This Is Not A Love Song

Heylo to all reading this fic! This is my first fanfic (that I've finished) ever and I'd really love constructive criticism for feedback, not flames (and yes, there's a difference). I never really intended on writing this piece, but the moment I heard the song, the story wouldn't give me peace until I'd written it down. So, read, review, enjoy! =)

-- Faded.

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DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. I wish I did, but as we all know, wishes don't make reality. Story and all characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and the song belongs to Sara Bareilles.

Head underwater

And they tell me

"Well folks, it'll be a warm, sunny April if today's plus ten degrees has anything to say about it! Speaking of warm and sunny... CRASH!

"URRRRGGGHHH." One Kagome Higurashi groaned as she attempted to open her sleep-laden lids. Painfully lifting her head off her pillow, she blearily glared at her nemesis – the sinister alarm clock her mom had gotten her for Christmas. Noon.

To breathe easy for a while

"Stupid pieces of stupid garbage mechanical pieces of shit." She grumbled as her head dropped back on to her sympathizing pillow. Sighing at the fruitlessness of it all, Kagome lazily stretched out like a sleep-satiated kitten and rolled out of bed – with much of that feline grace absent.

"Damn!" Kagome swore as she hopped around her bedroom, trying to soothe her poor, poor toe after having stepped on one of the many mysterious dangers on her floor hidden by heaps of tossed clothes.

Breathing gets harder, even I know that

Hopping into the adjacent bathroom, Kagome stopped and glared into the mirror. A heart-shaped, ivory coloured face with shockingly clear lightning blue eyes glared back, framed by waves upon waves of raven black hair tinged with just the lightest hints of brown. Full, cherry-coloured lips pouted out even more from their usual poutiness, begging to be kissed ever more than usual. However, her looks were the last thing Kagome's attention was focussed on when considering the huge bruise rapidly growing on her foot. "Note to self: clean room." Kagome mumbled as she sadly rubbed her abused foot and began her daily morning ablutions.

Made room for me; but it's too soon to see

Freshened up, clean, and considerably happier, Kagome walked into the little kitchen of her one-bedroom flat in the heart of downtown Toronto. Being on the fifth floor, it was all too easy to hear the sounds from the street below; the ringing of the streetcars, drilling and hammering of construction, and the honking of the constantly jammed Toronto traffic. But Kagome would happily take it all and more because the important thing was that she was standing on her own two feet.

If I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Sure, not more than two months ago, Kagome had been living in the luxurious and spacious penthouse suite of her boyfriend, Inuyasha. 'Ex-boyfriend.' Kagome mentally corrected herself with a little wince.

High school sweetheart, Inuyasha had been with Kagome since their senior year about three years ago. At the time, Kagome had been ecstatic and amazed that Inuyasha, the most popular – and not to mention younger son of a media corporate giant – guy in school, had been interested in her, Kagome. Of course, she ignored all the rumours about Inuyasha being an incorrigible and unrepentant player. After all, he had said that he had never cared more about anyone than he did her, and she believed him – with all her heart.

I learned the hard way

That they all say

Things you want to hear

However, her heart was not only to be broken, but smashed into a tiny million pieces as she came home early on their third anniversary to find Inuyasha in bed with a worker from the media firm his father owned. Too shocked to do anything, Kagome stood at the foot of the door to their bedroom, gaping wide-eyed as Inuyasha swore and quickly tried to put his pants back on. Shocked back into movement as Inuyasha started towards her, trying to make excuses for his actions, Kagome soon felt the explosive fire of fury begin to take control. The fight was a blur; accusations as well as bedroom items were flung life cannonballs between two enemy armies.

"THREE years, Inuyasha! Three years of my LIFE and this is what you give me?! I ignored everyone's whisperings about how much of a player you were! I moved in with you when you asked, turning my back on my family in the process! I gave you my virginity! And what do you do?! SLEEP AROUND WITH THIS WHORE!" Kagome ended, shouting at the top of her lungs at the end.

And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and

Your twisted words,

"DON'T YOU DARE BRING KIKYO INTO THIS!" Roared Inuyasha. "You're the coldest fish in bed! You hoarded your stupid virginity like it was some golden treasure chest; well it ain't! At least my Kikyo here knows how to please a man!" he added smugly.

Your help just hurts

You are not what I thought you were

Hello to high and dry

Kagome stood stunned. Finally, everything began filtering in and she began trembling. As quickly as she could, she fled from the room and apartment before Inuyasha and his whore could see the tears blurring her eyesight.

Convinced me to please you

Made me think that I need this too

And now, two months later, here Kagome stood, in the kitchen of her cramped and messy downtown flat searching from something to eat before she got started on her task.

After the horrendous fight, Kagome called a cab and stayed over at her best friend Sango's place as she fell into a deep depression; refusing to eat or even acknowledge anyone and would just cry all day. Sango and her boyfriend Miroku, concerned for their dear friend's health and sanity, desperately pleaded with Kagome to go see a psychologist. After a week of Kagome's deep depression, Sango and Miroku took matters into their own hands and called a psychologist to come in and help their friend. At first, Kagome refused to even acknowledge the psychologist, much less talk. However, through their combined persistence, Kagome finally opened up the floodgates to the psychologist. The daily counselling in addition to little tasks the psychologist would have Kagome do did wonders and soon Kagome was eating again and a little later after that stopped crying all day.

Soon, the daily visits became visits every other day which became visits every week which became visits every other week. Kagome's interactions with the psychologist soon went from extremely grudging and uncooperative to that of one's most trusted confidante. Kagome slowly became stronger, never truly going back to her old completely trusting, happy-go-lucky disposition, but maturing into a more aware person.

I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

Just a month ago, Kagome had moved into her current apartment with the encouragement of Sango, Miroku, and the psychologist. Kagome, being a full-time university student, didn't have the funds to afford anything even close to what she had had with Inuyasha but this tiny apartment drew her in a way Inuyasha's penthouse suite never could. Sunlight spilled from the window in the kitchen and living room, lighting up the whole room to give it that cozy, warm, lived-in feeling and it fit Kagome perfectly.

Finally finding that elusive orange juice carton, Kagome grinned in victory and happily poured herself a large glass of that oh-so delicious OJ. Taking a huge gulp, she sighed in satisfaction and began making her way back to her bedroom to finish the assignment before her psychologist came for a visit later in the day. After everything they had been through, Kagome now looked forward to seeing her psychologist. As Kagome had progressed, so had their relationship and Kagome could often be seen popping in on her psychologist every couple days for a chat or lunch.

Blank stares at blank pages

This last assignment Kagome's psychologist had given her was by far the hardest one so far. 'Write a letter to him and tell him everything you thought and felt about your relationship. Only through writing your feelings down will you ever be able to finally get over him.'

'Easier said than done.' Snorted Kagome as she sat down at her desk and took out a pad of paper and pen.

No easy way to say this

You mean well, but you make this hard on me

Hours passed as paper ball by paper ball found their homes with Kagome's clothes on the floor of her bedroom. Kagome glared with frustration at the pristine white paper lying innocently on her paper ball-littered desk and gnawed on her pen.

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or break in this

Growling in frustration, Kagome pushed away from her desk and stalked from her bedroom. Walking into her kitchen, the bright red blinking of her answering machine caught her attention. Curiosity piqued, Kagome walked to her answering machine and pressed the play button, wondering who could've called her and, more importantly, how she hadn't heard it.

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

"Hey Kags, its Sango. Me and Miroku were just wondering where you were 'cause you didn't show up for our weekly Saturday breakfast and we just wanted to check up on you to make sure you're okay. Call me back when you get this!"

Smiling exasperatedly, Kagome deleted the message. 'That Sango. You'd think I was some sort of invalid child with the way she still treats me.' A sudden mental image of her in a baby cart with a pacifier in her mouth while Sango cooed over her made Kagome start giggling. However, it wasn't too far from the truth a couple of months ago and that sobered her up and reminded of the infuriating task awaiting her in her bedroom.

If all you have is leavin',

Imma need a better reason

To write you a love song today

Suddenly the doorbell rang and Kagome, more than happy for the distraction, quickly went to open the door.

Standing behind the door, Kagome came face to face with her psychologist. 'Err... rather, face to chest.' Kagome mentally corrected as she craned her neck to look into the golden sherry eyes of her psychologist.

Promise me that you'll leave the light on

To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone

"Why hello, Sesshoumaru. Fancy seeing you here! What brings you to my humble abode this day?" Kagome said as seriously as she could. Unfortunately, she lasted less than ten seconds and cracked a smile that had Sesshoumaru catching his breath.

'She's absolutely beautiful.' Thought Sesshoumaru as he inwardly admired the way light and warmth just seemed to exude from her persona.

When he had first met Kagome, she had been sickly pale, unresponsive, and completely withdrawn into herself. Even then, he had noticed her beauty but it had only been when she began coming out that he became interested. Being no stranger to beauty with his own silky white-blue, knee-length hair and striking citrine eyes set in a strong, aristocratic face, Sesshoumaru had had more than his share of beautiful women. It was only when Kagome's warming personality began resurfacing that Sesshoumaru had been ensnared and captivated. What had been just another beauty to Sesshoumaru had become a shining goddess with her unnaturally beautiful looks and warm, accepting personality.

'That bastard is the biggest idiot in the history of mankind to have given up this jewel.' Sesshoumaru thought for the millionth time as he arched a brow on his blank face as his response to Kagome's quirky greeting. 'But then again, everything she does is peculiar. Is there truly any needed answer beyond that?' Sesshoumaru inwardly sighed.

'cause I believe there's a way you can love me

"Eheheh... Just something I wanted to try out, Sesshoumaru!" Kagome replied flustered by the effect he always had on her. 'God, has he registered that eyebrow as a lethal weapon?' Kagome inwardly sighed appreciatively as her eyes travelled down from his bright citrine eyes to his completely kissable lips. 'Silk over steel.' She giggled mentally and continued moving further south, taking in his chiselled jaw and impossibly broad shoulders and almost groaned. 'I take it back; HE should be registered as a lethal weapon.'

"Are you ready to depart?" Sesshoumaru's smooth baritone voice broke into Kagome's guttural thoughts.

'Bad, BAD Kagome! He's your psychologist for Christ's sake! He probably thinks you're some deluded basket case after everything you've told him.' Kagome mentally berated herself as her gaze snapped all the way back to his hypnotizing eyes. 'Inuyasha has absolutely nothing on this god.'

Sesshoumaru had been the epitome of gentlemanly conduct the moment she'd met him. Cold and distant to the casual person's eye, Kagome knew that that was his way of helping his patients. They didn't become dependant upon him because of his coddling, but instead made true progress as an independent individual.

'Except I've become dependant on him. I dunno what I'd do without visiting him.' Kagome mentally sighed. 'How is it that this man made me fall for him without doing anything?' Jolted by her thoughts, Kagome came to a sudden realization. 'I've fallen for Sesshoumaru Taisho, iceberg extraordinaire!' Looking at him, really looking, Kagome beamed. 'No. I've fallen for Sesshoumaru Taisho, the gentlest man to ever walk this planet.'

Because I say

I won't write you a love song

Sesshoumaru, taken back by the light and happiness coming from Kagome's beaming face was momentarily shocked and even slipped so much as to let it show on his face. Eyes widening slightly, he stared at a goddess.

"Actually, Sesshoumaru, just gimme two seconds!" Kagome stated as she began running back to her room.

Instead of coming back the proclaimed two, she came back in ten minutes. However, Sesshoumaru couldn't have cared more as the result of those ten minutes had her dressed up in a yellow tank top and hip-hugging jeans.

If your heart is nowhere in it

I don't want it for a minute

"Ready!" Kagome sang as she grabbed his hand on the way out, dragging him out of her front door and into the hallway where she proceeded to dig through her impossibly messy purse for her house keys.

"Oh, by the way, here's that assignment you told me to do." Kagome distractedly handed Sesshoumaru a crumpled up piece of paper as she continued her dig.

Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that

Finally coming out of his stupor, Sesshoumaru glanced at the paper in his hand and began opening it when Kagome finally found her keys, locked the door, and suddenly ran down the hallway, yelling, "I bet I'll get down before you do!"

There's a reason to

Write you a love song today

Sesshoumaru stared in amazement that Kagome had just dashed down the hallway like an errant 5-year-old. 'I will never understand the idiosyncrasies of that woman.' Sighing in fond exasperation, Sesshoumaru decided to give her a few seconds head start before catching up to her. Unfolding the paper, he was once again amazed by Kagome. There, in her signature messy, childish printing was the proof that Kagome was the delightful contradiction he'd become completely enamoured with.

'I'm not gonna write you a love song.'

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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