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If You Need Her by MichikoMagic

I'm Back

If You Need Her

Chapter One- I'm back.

Summary- Sesshomaru has been dead for ten years, but by mysterious forces he's back. He has lost his memory and all he can remember is a face of a person he loved before his death. The problem? The well has been destroyed and Kagome was on the other side...

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Scene I

b>Part I

If you need her how far will you go?

How far will you come?

As I look back on life I regret,

All the words I never said,

All the people I never told how much I cared about them,

The sun will set on my chances,

But until then I will fight until I can stop feeling so much regret- Bankotsu'sAngel

He felt it pulse silently but strongly, as if trying to wake him up from a deep sleep. It shook trying to wake up the decayed body, that has been dead for all these many years. It's wretched skin that had been lost the first six months of his death seemed to be regrowing. The bones shook as if possessed, wanting to break free of its confines. The flesh eating maggots that had taken residence in the corpse vanished. The grave shook as if by a force equal to that of an earthquake.

Flesh, flawless in it's entirety and flawlessness, regenerated. At first with a blue greenish color that only covered the bone but soon turned to the lean muscular physique, that had once been this broken body. It took shape and the eyes of that of a molten sunrise on a beautiful surface, returned with the same brilliance and strength that had once resided there. The powerful claws that had slayed so many and struck fear in so many more were made anew in their ferocity. His once proud broad shoulders were restored to their prideful form. But the most prominent feature on the form was the long silver hair that had once been scarce on the corpse, that now flowed around him and returned to their brilliant silver sheen.

The molten lava eyes snapped open looking around the dark surroundings, looking for any signs of life or light, but when he tried to take a breath to call out to someone or something he realized he couldn't breathe, that there was no air to let him breathe, or talk, and he also realized that there was no room to walk or move. Without realizing it, he did something the form before his death would have never done, or at least not showed: He panicked. In his moment of fleeting worry he pushed with all his might. At first it would not budge, but he tried a second time, and on his third try when he felt close to the point from which he had just returned, his long lost strength was rejuvenated.

With the new burst of strength and the ability to hold his breathe just a bit longer than he ever thought possible, he pushed once more. This time he felt something move and that convinced him to push a little harder, but not quite enough to get the barrier above him to let go. As he continued to push an image stuck in his head of a raven haired beauty with pink supple lips and eye drawing blue eyes, but the seemed sad and lonely. The thought of the girl and the fact that she looked so sad made him feel a pang of guilt he had never felt before, the eyes are what caught his attention. The way they seemed to look so dejected and forlorn made him think that something was wrong and that they were never meant to be that way.

He then felt enraged that such a beauty could look so hurt, and with a burst of anger he threw all the things keeping him from escaping to the surface off of him and watched them scatter about and felt dirt hit his face, but it didn't really register in his mind because all he could do was stare at the setting horizon laying down in his grave, thinking, wondering, and pondering about the raven haired girl that's name he could not recall, he now also couldn't remember her face anymore; Only her forsaken blue eyes and her beautiful hair. He could also not remember his name or where he was, all he knew was that he longed to see this beauty that had given him the strength to stop from returning from whence he had just came. He looked for the word he had to describe this feeling he was feeling for this face: love and wanting is what he came up with.

With that same wanting and love he tried to figure out a way to escape the 20 foot deep hole and looked around for something to aid him in his quest to escape. As he searched he realized he had nothing on and quickly looked for something to cover his naked form. In his quest he found a sword that seemed to be calling to him and urging him to take hold of it and never let it go. He obliged and felt a surge of power. As he continued searching he found another sword and one word came to mind: Tokijin. As he picked it up he instantly dropped it as he to dropped to the ground on his knees with an excruciating headache. Memories and faces flashed through his head of a demon that had gone corrupt with a red glow that resembled the now red glow of the sword. For a brief second he thought searching for said demon, but quickly saw that the demon had been killed by the same hands that were clutching his head.

He then saw an old man with large eyes and little pupils with a black cow with the same eyes. Tatosai, he recalled. Now the headache stopped as did the images. Even though of the pain he had to suffer he still felt grateful to have had the images implanted in his head. Now instead of wandering around like a lost fool he knew where to start, but on that note he began once more on his quest for coverage. As he looked he saw something in a clear container that seemed to be squeezed very tight, but had some how remained clean and when he picked it up the dirt just brushed right off. Because of the transparency, in the bag he could see what looked like garments, so he tried to open the it.

At first it was hard, the bag could never be opened by human hands so he put a little strength into it. Finally it opened, and once it did the scent of Sakura Blossoms and roses filled the hole. It seemed familiar but from something he could not quite recall. Sesshomaru took out the garments and looked at them the clothes were bringing back a memory, as quick as a flash spots of blood appeared and he dropped them. He then looked at it on the ground and saw that they were clean but some what covered in dirt, he quickly picked it up and brushed it off. He looked at the left over garments and quickly figured they were under clothes, he also realized that he was filthy. He looked down at his body and saw dirt and somethings that he would rather not identify. He slipped on the undergarments and jumped out of the 20 foot deep hole. Luckily there was a river next to his hole or 'home' is what he should have called it because it seemed as if he had been in there for a while.

He looked around for something to help wash himself off and soap, in his search he bent over to see a burden that was bothering his feet and as he did a cloth fell out of the bundle in his arms. He wondered how all of this was happening, maybe it was magic, he really had no clue but he was not going to complain. He then looked around the river to find something to make soap with, and found instead that someone had left soap over from their last bath.

'My angel must be somehow looking out for me.' he thought with a small smile.

He quickly jumped into the cool river and washed himself off. When he got out he shook the water off and put on his clothes. When putting on his clothes he wondered what to do with the swords and the left over boa. Sesshomaru looked down at himself and saw his sash and decided to put both swords through one side of the sash. Now as for the boa he though of hanging it off of both shoulders but realized that it itched something fierce. Instead he hung it off of one shoulder. If only he knew how powerful he looked and how he would strike fear into the one he called his daughter, Rin.

He wondered where to find this 'Tatosai' and seeing as he had no clue he went in the direction of the east. He walked slowly but surely with confidence and his head held up high. Without knowing he walked with the stoic mask that he had acquired before his death. He payed good attention to his surroundings as he realized that the sun had now set.

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Scene I

Part II

How hard would you try?

What would you try?

Who would you trust?

There are times when I wonder,

Who do I trust,

Who do I tell,

Why should I tell them,

And what will happen if I do,

The answer is simple,

You confide in god, children, and yourself,

For the simple reason those are the people that will give you the honest truth,

And will not confide to anyone else about it.- Bankotsu'sAngel

Sesshomaru walked until he came to the outskirts of a village. He looked around carefully waiting to see if anybody would come, but had to look down at his feet when he heard something break a few paces away. He turned and saw a little boy sitting there above the crushed toy, and you could also see the balls of tears form at the side of his eyes. He looked down at at in shame and regret. Against his better judgement Sesshomaru walked over to the boy and knelled down beside him. At feeling the absence of moonlight on his face the boy turned and at seeing Sesshomaru jumped away fear clearly written all over his face.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Sesshomaru said but it came back a little colder and harsher than he had anticipated. This made the boy jump back even more, making Sesshomaru feel like a monster, that maybe he was not loved by anyone, that maybe the girl that he had a pictured in his mind, had not loved him but maybe had helped him out of pity.

The shame must have been clearly written on him, because the boy looked some how saddened by the dejected face. He looked carefully at the molten eyes of the person that lay in front of him, to make sure that sadness he was seeing was real. After making sure he wouldn't bite his head off the young boy decided to speak.

"Are you okay mister?" He inquired trying to get a good look at the man's face. Sesshomaru's eyes widened as he heard the boys voice for it sounded so familiar but yet so alien at the same time. Then Sesshomaru tried to hide in the shadows as to make sure the boy did not get scared of the face he was sure would scare the boy away.

"Why were you scared?"

The boy seemed surprised but answered none the less.

" You popped out of no where and you startled me, I don't meet many strangers."

"Tell me boy, honest and truly, am I monster?" Sesshomaru said coming into the moonlight slowly, slightly afraid of what they boy might say. The boy laughed causing Sesshomaru to stare in his direction.

"You sir, have got to be kidding. You are probably one of the most handsome men in this part of Japan." Sesshomaru smiled, children were the best kind of strangers to trust. They were always truthful because they held that naiveness about the dangers they could possibly face, so they had no fear of the consequences their actions could bring. They could be trusted because unfortunately adults listened very little to them and what they had to say.

"Tell me young one where is your mother?"Sesshomaru asked smiling slightly at the young boy.

Sesshomaru was startled as the boy's eye, once more, became teary and big. They boy tried to cover his tears in shame and in desperation. He seemed to be reliving painful memories. The boy's once vibrant face became wet with tears and he tried to hide in the darkness. Sesshomaru did not know how to handle this boy so he just stared in wonder.

"I never knew my mom. It's not like I was given up at birth but more like, she left me and erased all the memories I had of her because she thought it would be less painful for me. But she was wrong I wake up everyday wondering if she'll come back. The villagers here don't care a lick about me, they say they only keep me here because they had promised my mom they would take good care of me after all she had done for them. The villagers here don't know the meaning of take good care of because I don't really even have a place to sleep or eat. I have to hunt my own food, there are times when they hit me for fishing in 'their' river. The food my mom had left me is all gone now, the villagers ate it all except for some packages of dried up noodles but I ate it myself." the boy's story was sad and so eye opening to how cold and cruel the world can be. The young boy held up his broken trinket now, " This is all that I have left to remind me of her, all I can remember now is her smell, see." He held up the toy for Sesshomaru to smell.

The scent was so familiar yet so laced with sadness, but it seemed so familiar and strange at the same time. He was itching to ask the boy if he could recall any features of his mom, maybe he had met her before, but he instead decided to tell him more of himself.

"Boy do not cry. I too, have lost something that I can not remember. There is this girl that I think I had once loved, I have this strange feeling that I could have been married to her. So please describe to me what your mother looked like."

The boy thought for a long while. "She had sad blue eyes and long raven hair, and that's all I can remember." he said his eyes now downcast. Wait a minute, sad blue eyes and long raven hair somewhat reminded him of that lady he had been thinking about earlier today.

"That sound like my wife's features." he said just barely enough for the boy to hear. You could almost feel the boy's smile. True he did not know if it was really his wife but he would do anything to give a little hope. If only he could feel how off her really was on his personality.

The boy's eyes light up with pride and reborn radiance." Does that mean your my..." the boy trailed off eyes hopeful. Sesshomaru just couldn't stand to see his face saddened again. Sesshomaru held out his arms and the boy eagerly jumped in them crying tears of joy because he felt now he had a family. The boy thought that he was the happiest out of the two of them. Sesshomaru was ecstatic now that he had something of her to hang on to, even if it could be false. Now he had a son named...

"Tell me son, what's your name": As the word 'son' came out his mouth he felt a little feeling of pride and some weight being lifted on his shoulders, this was truly a beautiful moment.

"Shippo." the boy said simply but with such meaning to Sesshomaru that he could feel god shine down upon him.

Now he had a son that might not even be his but that didn't stop him from puffing his chest out in pride. He now had a part of his hopefully wife to hang on to. A little piece of heaven to keep hope alive. He would never let his son go even if it meant his life being lost once more...

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Scene I

Part III

How far would you travel?

What would you do?

Who would you chase down?

Simplicity, is the answer to everything

The answer to how do I have fun,

The answer to where do I go,

And most importantly,

The answer to how do I live...- Bankotsu'sAngel

Sesshomaru wished this moment would last forever, just him and Shippo, and the thought of finding that missing family, that missing piece of his heart. But he realized this could not last forever to find his true love that seemed to be alluding him, yet quietly looking out for him. In a second his headaches started up again, and a name flashed in his head: 'Sesshomaru'. It struck him hard. Could that possibly be his name? Had he found a missing piece to his life. Even though he wasn't sure the name seemed to fit him. Then he heard the boy's stomach grumbling.

"Tell me Shippo, when was the last time you ate?"

Shippo shrugged his shoulders in an unsure manner. Sesshomaru felt hatred and anger swell up in him, how could some one look at this boy and have the audacity to not offer him anything to eat? It was inconceivable in all it's obscurity! Well not he had to stop thinking about all the hate he felt for these people, and find something for his son to eat, and maybe force answers out of the villagers. As Sesshomaru walked into the moonlight, he saw his 'son's' red hair. No his hair was not silver like Sesshomaru's, or raven black like his mother, it was red.

Sesshomaru quickly felt the light in his eyes and heart, diminish. His shoulders slumped in defeat. This could not be his son if he didn't have the same hair color ass either of them. Another thing that struck him was that this little boy was full demon when he was sure his 'wife' was human. Shippo should of at least been a half demon. That little piece of heaven that he had just acquired was once again gone and he felt as if he would never be able to get it once more without the lady of his continuous thoughts. When Shippo realized that Sesshomaru had stopped. he turned around.

Eyes, not blue eyes, molten gold eyes, but his emerald green eyes were looking at him. Just more pieces of paradise being waved in his face and then quickly being taken away. He stood there for a few seconds eyes downcast and then decided not to rush the boy's happiness, he'd have to do that later....

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Scene II

Part I

If you needed him what would you do?

Who would you reject?

And how much would you cry?

There are sometimes where I just feel like giving up,

On the world and the rest of humanity,

but then comes a book or story that changes my mind,

Or maybe a good samaritan,

And my trust and faith is renewed again...-Bakotsu'sAngel

Looking at the molten setting sun, I thought of the man I loved on the other side of that horrid well that had caused me so much grief. I had loved the other side of the well only to have everything loved ripped from under me. The love of my life, is trapped on the other side never to hear from me again. How the setting sun reminded me of him and his focused, loving, and keen eyes. And how the silver cars lined down the street reminded me of the beautiful hair that had adorned his head.

Somewhere down in the depths of my heart, I knew I wasn't missing him because I could never see him, because Kami knows that even if I was on the other side I would have never saw his loving face. No, but more of the he was dead and I could not be there to visit his grave. Or take my beloved Shippo with me to go see hid dead adoptive father. I sadly had left Shippo behind. I could not bring him here because he held to many happy memories that had to be erased to stop causing me pain somewhere down deep inside.

I had to erase the memories he had of me away, so as for not cause him the pain of being betrayed like I had so many times. I had left him in the care of the villagers I had saved so many times, and I know they are taking good care of him. They promised me that they would, and I'll trust them until proven otherwise. I had been asked out by other men and had sadly refused them. I still loved the demon lord known as Sesshomaru, but I'd never tell them that and have them have me committed.

I knew that I should be committed because I was going out of my mind thinking about all the good times we had had together, and how cruelly he had been ripped from my grasp, and I had been ripped from his loving embrace. There are times in everyone's life where times are bad and they think they can not live anymore. Well this is one of those times, except I don't THINK I can't live without him I KNOW I can't live without him. He was one of those things keeping me from giving up on life after Inuyasha left me.

The closest thing I have to the past is the Goshinbuko tree that is in my front lawn. That was where all my troubles had began, with Inuyasha, the Shikon No Tama, and with love. There are graves surrounding the tree, one for each of the people I had left on the other side. Seeing as I didn't know if they were dead or alive I put them there just for good measure. I say a little prayer for each of them and hope they'll hear it.

I have somehow seemed to harness true powers that I have trained. Now all I have to do is hold up something with their name on it, and have it blessed by me. I hope that would be enough to protect them long enough for me to find a way to the past. I have acquired more gifts to manipulate the elements but that doesn't help me at all in the modern era.

"Kagome come in dinner is ready!" I turned around to see Souta calling after me, so I came away from the well house with one last lingering touch.

"Kagome I think you need to let go of the past and move on." My mom said without ever looking up from putting the food on the table.

"It's not that easy mom, I have friends there that I'll never see again."

I was starting to get irritated. My mom has been trying for years to get me to stop mourning over the closing of the well and the friends on the other side. She just doesn't get how hard it is knowing you'll never see the friends you love and cared for so much again.

"Kagome Michiko Higurashi! You have been giving me that same excuse forthe past 10 years! You will get over this and tommorrow you will goto work!"

"I'm not hungry anymore." I said quietly while walking up the stairs to my room

I still feel kind of sad over the whole thing. I know I'm 25 and need to get over this, but I just can't! That's why I'm still living in the same room I was when I was 15, I can't let go ofall the memories.and i have the strange feeling I never will....

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There you go eight pages of one of my best works yet; If You Need Her! Please review, by the way I'm looking for a beta reader if anyone is interested....

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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