Untouchable by Suicide
Untouchable
Contains sexual situations. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: Inuyasha I own not.
Untouchable: adj.
1. Not to be touched.
2. Out of reach; unobtainable.
3. Being beyond the reach of criticism, impeachment, or attack.
Untouchable: Serf. Vagabond. Desirable. Drop-dead beautiful. Impassible. Invincible. Outcast. Exile. Sacred. Guarded.
Falling. The world is falling. The sky is collapsing under the weight of the drunken heavens above with its consuming darkness. It's so empty. Vast and unforgiving. The stars seem to fade from my vision and the midnight black sky pushes outward, extending to the furthest corners of the universe.
He seemed surreal. A dream. A mere mirage that would simmer away into nothingness if I touched it. Nothing around him was of this world. The grass of which he strode upon. The calm night breeze that swirled around only him, caressing his silken strands of quicksilver hair. His aura, swirling around him, moving - serpentine, weaving itself into his clothes, his skin, his soul.
And I watched. I watched his graceful movements. His pale glowing skin. His fierce amber eyes. I watched his robes flutter lightly, gently lifting about him. He was otherworldly. He was a dream. A dream, only a dream.
A dream where I can only watch.
He is a rose. A rose with poisonous thorns. A forbidden fruit. He is a god.
I am mere mortal.
Had he been blessed by Aphrodite to have such beauty? Touched by Ares to have such power? And graced by Pallas Athene to have such knowledge?
He is a god himself. The gods have made him a god. A god to mortal kind.
Who am I compared to him? Who am I to lay eyes upon him without such consent? I am a mere mortal. A mortal who aided the success of a flaw in this perfect creature. I am an enemy.
He is my enemy.
I'm falling. Down, deep, into the chasm of no return. Into the destructive, merciless, painful chasm that people call love. How can I shamelessly love my enemy? How can I bear such feelings in hope of one day where he will look upon me and realize my existance?
Oh but I do. I do with such passion, it pains me. It pains me beyond mortal wounds and actions. It tears my insides. It claws in my chest, a furious beast of pain and dejection, of constant hopelessness and berating of self.
This knowing. This truth.
This knowledge that he will never be mine.
---
Of the past several hundred years, these past days have been most eventful. The dreadful brother of mine, half-brother nonetheless, have preceded to that of higher powers. He still branishes that sword of his like an ape. It pains me to be in relation to him.
Past decades, I have learned to despise my father. Ever since the birth of the hanyou, I've despised my father. I've resented the birth of a half-breed within a pure blooded family. It is dishonorable to have such impure blood in such a noble line. The past cannot be changed, so I have learned, and the dead cannot rise again.
Threat after threat, dangers seek my land of the west. One after another, I fight them off with what effort deemed nesassary. Naraku has fallen, just as I knew he would. What life is this, when all that has been and will be is known to you? When nothing can kill you? Even time itself?
How long has it been? I've lost track of the years. Each generation, the Lord of the Western lands have died in battle of some sort. I have come to believe that Father died for the most pointless reason.
A mortal.
A human.
A woman.
What foolishness.
He dies and casts the title of Lord to me. Yet, as eldest, I inherit the useless sword.
What was he thinking?
How can he ever have thought that I would rule with a gentle hand? Incredulous.
How can I fight battles with a blade that won't cut? How can I slay enemies with a reviving sword? What was he thinking?
Of the things I learned over my youth, patience was the greatest lesson taught.
To have patience is to understand deeper and to observe on a wider scale. To have patience is to anticipate the moves of the enemy. To have patience is to gain greater knowledge than that of those who do not have patience.
To have patience is to wait.
Is to wait and want.
Want.
What do I want?
What do I want to protect?
---
I ducked away from the enchantment. Truly, what's the point of wanting something you can never have? Why not just forget these desires and sinful thoughts?
I cannot.
He draws me back. With each breath I take, each pounding of my heart. I cannot forget. Not him.
Never.
There's something about him. The way he sees the world. The way his liquid golden eyes pierce everything so knowingly as if he could see past skin and surface into the very heart and soul.
It frightens me. It excites me.
Dreams.
Mere dreams.
[~*~*~*~]
A fiery touch travels against my body. Satin skin across mine. Molten mouth flicks its tongue against my lips. Demanding entrance. Our mouths join and dance in the darkness.
Breathing. Ragged breathing. All I can hear is the pounding of my heart and the strangled breathing of my lover. I cry out in such ecstasy as we are joined. I'm stretched far, wide. My skin grasping his. Pulling. Taking in. I gasp in utter pleasure.
Finally.
We dance the dance of the gods. The dance of life. The dance of creation.
Hips thrust against each other in a tempo beyond our control.
Take and give.
Back and forth.
Faster. Faster.
Harder. Harder.
Take it all.
Give me all.
The coil in my belly springs. The serpant of sins, of pleasures, of painful longing. I cry out in final ecstasy and shudder as I reached my zenith.
I'm grasping him. Convulsing around him. He snarles. Such a sound want, my heart nearly stopped.
He has yet found his piece of finale.
He flipped me over. Onto all fours. Thrusting back into my convulsing path.
The dance is resumed.
Harder, faster than ever before.
He seeks his heaven. His own apex.
Harder.
Faster.
I shudder as pleasure ran through me once more. This time harder than before. I let a small scream out and felt him shudder.
Hot, molten quicksilver spread in the pit of my stomach. He spasms and let out a moan of satisfaction and collapses.
His golden eyes met mine.
[~*~*~]
I woke. Shuddering with the last image and the fleeting feeling of my dream.
I pressed my hand to the darkness between my legs and found wetness.
Want.
Lust.
The horrible longing.
I clutched my arms around myself and fell back down. Tears of frustration ran down my cheeks.
Eros have planted an arrow in my heart. Ever since the day I saw him.
The gods liked to toy with mortals.
That - I have learned.
---
I feel hollow.
Something very hollow inside me.
I have nothing to protect.
Rin.
I have nothing to protect.
She is a mere child.
A mortal.
A woman.
She is a mere child. A mere child she is. Humans have such short life spans. She will be old in less than a century. She will die. And I will still be here. I will still be the same as I am now.
I will keep moving.
I will forget the child.
The woman.
The old.
And I will forget her.
I will forget her toothy grin.
Her raven locks.
Her obession of flowers.
I will forget her undying loyalty to me.
Her constant trust.
Her voice and her songs.
She will die.
I have nothing to protect.
---
The day the Bone Eater's Well rejected me, I had fled deep into the forest. I had cried in mortification. The future is lost to me. My home, my family, my life. All was lost.
There was no point in staying. Naraku was dead. The Shikon-no-Tama was complete. Our journey had ended. Sango lost her brother. Miroku lost his hand. Inuyasha lost his Kikyo. I lost my future.
Sesshoumaru lost Jaken.
I remember, that day in the forest. I saw him lay Jaken to rest. His face held nothing. His eyes were angry. Rin was crying softly.
He turned and looked at me. A pained look. A lost look.
I was frightened. Never have I imagined Sesshoumaru in such a state.
His departure was just as fleeting as the look.
I remember grasping my pounding heart and running towards the village. I remember waking with Inuyasha's eyes looking at me.
The accidental meeting with Sesshoumaru had shaken me up. There was something about him. Something about him that made him seem, just for that moment, human.
That night. It was that night when the dreams started. It was that night when I realized I had fallen. I cried hard. Cried until I couldn't anymore.
I cannot betray Inuyasha.
He had suffered enough. He had lost Kikyo.
Can he bear knowing that I love his brother?
I just don't know anymore.
---
I watched her. I watched her shed tears. I watched her dreaming. The sweat upon her brow. The rhythmic body movements.
I smelled her arousal.
I listened to her small cries. Her heavy breathing.
I had seen the desire she had looked upon me. I know what she is dreaming of. I know who.
I want to know why.
---
I couldn't take it anymore. The dreams. They keep coming back. I couldn't stay in bed and experiance over and over again the tormenting dreams. I needed to forget it all.
I stepped out of the hut. Wearing pajamas and slippers. I needed to take a walk. A nice walk to clear my head.
To forget.
To leave behind my dreams.
So I walked. Towards the well. The well that had rejected me and trapped me here.
It was nights like these that I held no regret of being in this era. The sky was vast, the stars can be seen in multitudes. The air was fresh and clean, without pollution. The only sounds heard where of crickets and nocturnal animals. There was no traffic. No cars, trains, airplanes. Just nature in its pure form with no human disturbances.
I made my way to the well. Enjoying the peaceful night under the brilliantly large moon.
The well.
It brought back so many memories.
Of my past.
Of the future.
Of Souta and Mama and Gramps.
Tears sprang in my eyes. I angrily wiped them away.
I've promised myself to get over it all. I can't cry for the rest of my life, now can I?
"Why do you shed tears?"
A whisper.
Fear attached itself in my chest.
"I'm remembering."
Hot breath fanned against my nape.
I screamed.
A clawed hand closed over my mouth. I bit down. Hard.
Hot, bitter blood trickled in my mouth. The metallic taste filled my mouth.
The hand was not removed.
It pulled me back. Against a hard body.
"Do not scream."
Whisper.
I released his hand from my teeth. A trickle of blood ran down the corner of my mouth, down my chin, down my neck. How hard did I bite it?
Warm, wet, roughness traveled the trail of the blood. The demon trailed its tongue down my neck.
Fear squeezed my heart. It convulsed.
I shuddered.
It- he- chuckled.
A light rumbling, like thunder.
I felt vibrations through his body, through the ground.
Fear went crazy.
I tore out running.
Help.
Help me.
Please.
My slippers was lost. Rocks stung my feet. Branches tore at my clothing. All the while, I felt his breath fan down my neck. I felt his amusement.
Help me!
The trees begin to spread. A field came into view.
Where was the village?
I ran the wrong way.
He grabbed my arm.
I swirved to hit him.
His golden eyes met mine.
My hand froze and fell.
"Why do you not retaliate?" He asked. Voice slick and cold.
I felt my heart pound and my cheeks warm. The creature of fear dislodged itself from my heart. A beast called lust latched on in its place.
"Because I can't." My voice was thin. Breathless from running. Adrenaline was still pumping.
He said nothing but cocked a brow.
I struggled out of his hold and begin running into the forest once more. This time, heading for the village.
He merely shrugged in amusement and followed.
I can feel his presence. I can feel his warmth radiating. I felt my body pulse. My cheeks flushed with red. With a burst of speed, I dashed forward, hoping to reach calling distance before he decides to stop me.
I fell. Tripping over a branch. Cursing quietly, I struggled to my feet.
My strength is starting to wane. I've ran too hard.
"Why do you cry?"
A whisper.
I touched my hand to my face.
It was wet.
I hadn't noticed that I was crying.
I said nothing.
Something warm trailed my tears. Tasting it.
I shuddered.
His hand found my waist. It traveled upwards with languid movements. My breath hitched as it moved over my chest. A flutter. Butterfly wings. So softly.
He stood in front me. Staring at me with those amber eyes. Almost as if unaware of touching me. His fingers loosened my torn pajama top. The material left my skin, leaving me bare. His mouth, such hot fiery mouth, bent down and tasted.
I stood there. Panting. Wanting. Oh gods wanting.
He pushed me back. Until I met a tree.
I felt nothing. Only his mouth. So hot. Shocks ran down my insides. Sparks left me breathless. I felt wetness grow.
His head moved up. Bent over mine. Tongue imploring me to open. I complied. He tasted like honey. Like vanilla. So sweet.
He kissed me hard. I returned it with just as much fervor. My hands twined them in his hair. Pulling him to me.
Wanting.
Give me.
Please.
My pants were gone. His robes fell.
A flurry of clothes rained to the ground. I dragged my nails down his sides. He groaned. I did it again and he pressed against me.
"What do you desire?"
A breathless whisper.
I said nothing.
His tongue stroked my skin. Nipped my neck. Travelled down my chest, my stomach. He knelt between my legs and reached the dark place of wretched desires.
He tasted me. Took me in his mouth. Nipping, thrusting. I could do nothing but feel the pleasure course through me in waves. I cried out as I came. Calling his name. My voice was ragged, heavy with desire.
"What do you want?"
Lust driven whisper.
I could not answer him.
He stuck two fingers in me. I shuddered at the feeling. His mouth, his teeth, his body. He explored every inch, every part of me. Memorizing the paths of my body. My weakness. His fingers moved faster. My hips moved with them.
A strangled cry left my mouth.
He pressed me into the bark. I hooked a leg around his waist.
My hands travelled lower, lower down his body. Almost afraid of touching him. Afraid that he might disappear. I found his manhood. Long, hard, thick. I wrapped my hands around its velvet smoothness. And stroked it. A loud moan erupted from his mouth. His hips rocked with the tempo of my hands. I stroked him long and hard. Faster and faster. His hand grasped mine and plucked it from his shaft. I pressed closer to him. Pressed against his hardness. Pressed him into my darkness.
His eyes gleamed. So knowing. So clear.
"What do you want?"
Panting whisper.
I cried a wordless cry and pulled him down to me. I kissed him, long and hard. Frustrated.
With a jerk of his hips, he was inside. I'm parting, stretching to accommodate him. I gasp. I was so filled. Filled to the furthest limit. His hips moved. The friction was so sweet. Each movement sent sparks to the tips of my fingers. I move with him, picking up the tempo.
Harder.
Faster.
I moan in his ear.
He growls.
Bring me pleasure.
Bring me pain.
Give.
His movements are faster now.
I felt that tightening my belly.
The coil tighten beyond anything in the dreams.
He stopped.
"What do you want?"
A forced whisper.
I cannot answer.
I rocked my hips, and snarled in frustration.
He stood still.
"Please." I choked out.
Nothing.
"I want love."
Tears flowed from my eyes.
I want love.
His love.
His non-existant love.
He buried his head in the crook of my neck and violently banged our hips.
His movements were filled with such anger, I felt frightened.
The coil.
It exploded inside me.
I wailed out that terrible pleasure.
My hands grasped his shoulders for balance. He grunted with pleasure as my walls gripped him and pulled him.
He ripped himself out of me. I screamed.
It hurt.
Just as quickly, I was on my hands and knees and he was over me. I felt him enter once more. My walls painfully gripping him. Pulling him in.
Take.
The motions of his hips moved faster and faster.
I pushed back in sync.
I felt it build inside me again. I felt his movements begin to get short and choppy.
Faster.
Faster.
I came once more. This time, my pulsing walls milking him of his seed.
He snarled in completion.
His hips slowing to a stop.
We both lay down.
My back against his chest. He is still inside me.
"Why?"
A whisper.
I bit my lips.
"Because I love you."
He said nothing, only wrapped his arm around my waist.
My heart broke.
He doesn't love me.
So my secret was out. So, he doesn't care about me.
Must I cry over it like a child?
---
The girl.
Knows nothing.
I am impervious to the human emotion "love".
She may be the keeper of the Shikon-no-Tama, but her wisdom is of a child's. Foolish.
Do you have something to protect?
---
2 months has passed.
The sky is just as clear as it was. The stars are just as bright. The moon just as radiant.
"Kagome."
I whirled to meet the familiar voice.
"Sesshoumaru-sama."
He inclined his head. I smiled. He was in a good mood tonight.
"Do you still not accept my offer?"
I shook my head. "To live as a Lady is like living in a cage. A caged bird dies of longing for the sky. I will die of longing for freedom. My place is with my friends. With the people who need my help."
He remained silent. I knew he accepted my answer.
"Besides," I continued, "it's not like you don't visit me."
He nodded, a small devious smile curling at his lips.
I grasped his hand.
"My lord," I said, smiling. "I am with child."
-------------
R&R. I'd love to hear opinions. This is my first attempt on a lemon. Yikes. Surprise ending. haha.