Forgive My Hesitation by xImperfections

chapter 1

Forgive My Hesitation

Disclaimer: Inuyasha rightfully belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.

Note: I don't think anyone would recognize me but I used to be Igneous Phoenix, author of 'Secrets of a Rose'. I couldn't log on to my user account anymore and therefore, I had to create a new account. Pardon the interruption and now, on with the story...

He watched her closely, his piercing cold eyes never leaving her small form. He didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say. For once in many years, he was dumbfounded.

"I am leaving for America, tomorrow."

Those goddamn pitiful words left him frozen, his heart lurched in immense pain and his stomach churned in an unknown, sickening feeling. But he immediately masked those emotions and tucked them away at the back of his head, just like what he had done all his life. After all, he was expected to be cold and stoic; he wasn't supposed to feel.

Inclining his head, he acknowledged her words curtly, never once expressing the turmoil and pain he held inside.

Why do you torment me so?

She took a step towards him, her stunning sapphire eyes shone with unspoken words. She was so close, only an arm's length away. But he refused to touch her, refused to let her know.

If I hold you now, I am afraid I'll never let you go.

"I will miss you," she whispered gently, her dainty hand softly brushed against his cheek. "But my dream lies in America."

He quickly jerked his head away, rejecting her touch. No, her hand was too delicate, her soul too pure and innocent to be tainted by someone like him.

I'm not good enough for you.

She tilted her head, her lush raven hair swayed in a wild dance against the wind. Her fingers fidgeted in nervousness as she lowered her face, eyes cast down from view. "I need to tell you something," she began hesitantly, an alluring blush rose to her pale cheeks. "I might not get the chance again." Slowly, she lifted her head, her azure eyes met his cutting golden ones. Like the sky greeting the sun.

"I love you."

Those three precious words rang across the silent night sky, shaking him violently and crumbling his stoic façade to the ground. He willed himself to look at her, her eyes staring back at him in hope... and pleading. Once again, he was rooted in shock, unable to speak a damn word. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I am a coward, I'm scared.

"I don't know what to say."

Just three words, and she'll be mine forever.

"I am sorry."

Wrong three words.

She lowered her head once more, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I...understand," she whispered slowly, forcing a smile on her face. "My flight leaves tomorrow at midnight; I hope you will see me off." And with that said, she turned dejectedly and began the slow, painful journey of walking away.

He watched her leave, his heart shattered into millions of broken pieces. But he willed himself to stay put, rather than taking her in his arms like he so longed to do.

'It is for the best', he told himself. After all, they were too different; like Ying and Yang, like shadow and light. Their lives were too diverse and their future had no place for each other. But then again, opposites do tend to attract.

"Goodbye, Sesshoumaru."

"Goodbye, Kagome."

I love you too.

-

The clock continuously ticked overhead, its soft clicking sounds flowed through the dark, somber but richly decorated room. Putting down his clear glass of liquor, Sesshoumaru sighed and glanced at the time. 11 p.m. One more hour before Kagome leaves the country, before she leaves his life. It was too late now, he couldn't go back and make things right; what's done is done.

Lost my chance already.

Picking up his whiskey again, he took a long, deep swig. How many drinks was this? Too many to count. No, he wasn't a usual drinker but right now, the alcohol was like a soothing comfort for him, a means to escape from his life and forget about her. If only for a while.

I don't want to think of you, it kills me inside.

Unexpectedly, the heavy banging from his front door knocked Sesshoumaru out of his drunken state. "I must be hearing things," he murmured to himself. After all, who would come to his complex at this time of the night? No one.

But the knocking didn't stop, continuing to bang loudly through the solemn atmosphere. Slowly getting up from his seat, Sesshoumaru staggered his way past the living room and opened the front door.

It was his half brother, facing him from across the entryway. Oh boy, he looked angry– must have heard about what happened.

He never did like his brother.

"State your purpose, Inuyasha," he more demanded than asked, without so much as inviting him inside.

Inuyasha's amber eyes narrowed into an irritated frown. "Dude, you're wasted," he remarked as he surveyed his disheveled figure.

"Just get to your point," Sesshoumaru growled, annoyance etched in his voice as he threw his alcohol aside.

Inuyasha's scowl deepened before he shoved an accusing finger at him. "Look, I don't want to be here anymore than you want me to be!" he retorted rudely, jabbing a finger into his chest. "But Kagome is my friend and I refuse to watch her get hurt."

Sesshoumaru arched an elegant eyebrow. "What do you want me to do about it?" He refused to let his brother know that he too, cares for her. He didn't want him to see that he was hurting as well.

I refuse to let you see my pain.

"Damn it!" Inuyasha shouted in frustration and roughly pointed his finger outside. "I want you to get your lazy ass out of this stupid apartment and go after her."

Pausing, he took a deep breath to calm himself and to prevent any violent actions that he so desperately wanted to commit. After all, Kagome was like a sister to him, and it made him furious to see her so hurt and broken.

"Stop hesitating, Sesshoumaru," he went on, his expression softening slightly. "Don't waste this opportunity; you might not get a second chance again."

Sesshoumaru continued to stare at him unblinkingly; his impassive eyes never once betrayed anything. But truth be told, he was stunned and confused as his words slowly sank in. However, he knew that Inuyasha was correct... for once.

'Stop hesitating. You might not get a second chance.' Those words echoed through the quiet room, unconsciously hitting a spot at the back of his head, and awakening an emotion he had sought to escape from. Love.

Perhaps it's the truth.

"Maybe you're right, Inuyasha."

I don't get second chances.

"Maybe you do have half a brain in that head of yours." And with a small curt nod in unspoken gratitude, Sesshoumaru hurried past his half brother and walked out the door, his long silver hair trailing behind him.

Yes, he had decided.

Inuyasha watched his older sibling's retreating form, an unfamiliar emotion gleamed in his eyes. "Same goes to you too, bastard," he called out after him before stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pant. A small smile escaped his closed lips. Ah, the good old brotherly love.

-

Sesshoumaru drove down the darkened roads like a madman, speeding past red lights and other cars. To hell with speed limits, he just needed to make it in time. Sparing a quick glance at the digital clock, he silently groaned. 11:45; fifteen minuets left. Not good.

Adding more pressure to the speed pedal, he accelerated through the almost empty streets, heading towards the local airport. A rush of emotions and hope coursed through his veins as the large building came into view from the distance, and he knew that somewhere inside, was Kagome.

Let me see you again.

-

Without wasting time in parking his vehicle, Sesshoumaru ran as quickly as he could to the airport, swiftly entering the enormous building through the large entryways. He had to meet Kagome again and tell her; if not now, he might lose his chance forever.

Forever is a long time.

"All passengers heading to America, please arrive to Gate 201," blasted the voice from the intercom above the walls. "Flight 162 is preparing to depart in five minuets."

Turning on his heal, Sesshoumaru broke into a sprint, bumping blindly into passing crowds along the way as he hurried to Gate 201. 'Please, let me make it,' he prayed desperately to whomever out there that was listening to him, his heart pounded loudly in his ears.

I need to tell you.

Overhead, a sign that read "Gate 201, Flight 162" loomed over the high ceilings.

Only a few feet away, he was so close, so very near the terminal but before he could reach the bridge that connected the building with the airplane, fellow airport employees came and began to close the passageway.

"No!" Sesshoumaru shouted, pleading for the workers to stop the process of shutting the gate.

Wait for me, I am coming.

The wheel of time seemed to have stopped; seconds stretched into forever, eternity appeared to pass through before he could arrive in front of the bridge, desperate to get to Kagome.

Bang! The door was shut in his face.

The sound seemed to echo endlessly, each time ringing louder than the last as it tore his heart apart.

"Open up, please!" Sesshoumaru half pleaded, half demanded, banging his fist on the closed entryway, regardless of the stares from curious onlookers. "Let me in, I have to see her." Indeed, it was agonizingly painful to know that she was just on the other side of the gate, so close yet so far away. And he could not reach her.

Please don't let it end this way.

"I am sorry, sir," one of the female employees said, sympathy filling her voice. "The plane is about to take off in a minute; it's against the airport's policy to open the bridge again."

Fist clenched in anger until his knuckles turned white, Sesshoumaru looked up, his usual impassive eyes blazed with silent anger. He didn't want their good-for-nothing pity; he just wanted the damn door to open.

Sparing him one last glance, the employees shook their heads before turning their backs on him, walking away and crushing his last hopes.

Why do you hurt me so?

"Kagome, please come back," Sesshoumaru whispered to the thin air, slowly sinking onto the marble floor. To think, the once legendary businessman, responsible for some of the most successful empires, had been brought to his knees by the mere slip of a girl. But he didn't care. He was too weak, too pained to be concerned about anything anymore except for the love that he realized a little too late.

Just give me one more chance.

Through the clear glass walls, he could hear a loud rumble as Flight 162 began to depart, weaving across the runway strips and taking Kagome further away from him. Slowly getting up, Sesshoumaru made his way to the walls and leaned his forehead on the smooth cool texture; staring in a trance at the outside world as the plane sped up, ready to take off into the sky. Pressing his hand against the glass as if he could go through it and reach her, he longed to hold her in his arms once more.

I promise to make things right again.

But he couldn't. He was trapped, ensnared by four glass walls and that closed door. Suddenly, Sesshoumaru felt something cold and wet rolling down his face. Lifting a shaky hand to brush his moist cheeks, he examined the unfamiliar salty liquid smeared on his fingers. Tears. He was crying– the first time ever since his mother died many years ago. No, he didn't cry when his parents decided to seperate, he didn't cry when his father remarried, nor did he cry when his father passed away. But now he was, weeping like a pitiful brokenhearted fool.

Please forgive me.

Resting his head against the glass, he closed his eyes and silently sobbed, his shoulders heaving in despair. Outside, a light drizzle began to fall from the clouded sky, each raindrop glistened as if mocking his tears. Up ahead, the plane gave a final blasting roar as it took flight into the air; steadily flying away from reach, away from sight.

"I love you, Kagome." Sesshoumaru breathed, his eyes never once leaving the small dot that was the airliner while it ascended higher, as if reaching for the heavens above. Yes, he loved her then and forever would, no matter the distances. She might be an ocean apart, but his feelings would never change. Not now, not ever.

Please...

Forgive my hesitation.

A/N: There, all done. My first one-shot ever! I would like to give a big thank you to BrokenSouledPoetess for being my beta reader on this fic. Also, I apologize for not updating my other stories, which I promise that I will soon. Please tell me what you think of it. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Oh, I have a question:

An anonymous reviewer told me that there were enough grammar errors in this story to almost make her pass out. Is that true? Did I really make that many mistakes?