| Its a good start so far, i like the story concept and where its going but there is a few things i'd like to point out. In your first chapter i think you spent too much time writing about how kagome got ready for breakfast, i mean you went into detail about every little thing she did and you don't really have to do that. it was kind of a problem because i got bored really fast and just ended up skimming the whole thing which is really good. And sometimes when you have a character speak make sure the quotations end when their done speaking, and i think things are a bit too spaced out. i'm not trying to be mean or anything, i just thought i'd let you know these things, i'm going to read chapter two now.
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