this is great you hae nice flow you do a great job with describing everything all in all this will be a good story

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pLEAsE uPDaTe SOoN!! i LoVe It It!!

tHANk yOU!!

^^

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Well, the concept for this story is very interesting and you do have lots of potential. But... and I'm gonna be a little bit of a douche bag here... the spelling and grammar could be better. I found the story extremely hard to read because of all the typos and basic grammar errors. Some say things like this don't matter, but presentation is important and will get you read by more people. This site has a wonderful feature, though. It has listings for betareaders, and it's just a suggestion, but check it out. Because a beta would help you immensely.

Also, just so you don't get someone who's a bit meaner than me say it: Hime is the Japanese word for princess. Just an FYI.

Again, I'm real sorry 'bout this. It's not a flame at all and I hope you don't take offense to what I had to say. I know that writing is difficult and people can be cruel. I don't really think being that way helps anyone, and that's really what I'm trying to do: help you.

Good luck with the rest of your story!

update soon soon soon
=]
i liek it very much

I love it!!! Keep it up! I can't wait to see more!!!

I really love this story. Ummm...I know this is probably not something you wanted to hear, but if you don't fix your grammar, others may get on to you about it. I do not honestly care, but some others may rate you badly. Anyway, Great Job!!! I absolutely love it and hope to hear more!!!