I'm not sure if anyone feels the same way, but doesn't it hurt sometimes when people say," If I break it, I'll just buy you a new one." Anything at all around those lines can hurt too. It makes me feel that you not only have no respect for what I own, but that you don't respect me in any way, shape, or form. I'm not saying that everyone I have is special and must be protected. IT could something as simple as eating something I bought without asking, and then just saying that you'll buy something later. It might have not been so big of an issue, if the apology didn't follow 'i'll just buy' line later. Some examples:

1)Back, when a friend of mine still lived her and I had just gotten surgery on my teeth done, she came over and gave me a tub of icecream as a gift. I got a couple scoops of it, before I left to my boyfriend's for the weekend. I came home, and as I walk into the kitchen my mom stops me. "Oh by the way, Little ~~~~~~~ was begging me for some icecream, while you were gone. I know it was a gift from your friend, but I gave him a lot of it. But don't worry, I'll just buy you some more." While usually, I would just say 'okay' and not have a big deal about it. It's that she said that last sentence of buying some more, it made my gift from my friend seem like it was nothing. Then, she tells the kid to ask me for the rest and gives me a look like I should give it too him. So, I said," Might as well, you got almost all of already anything." Though, in a pissed off tone.

2)Now tonight, the little kid and his father were talking about getting a gameshark. They are using my PS2, and I'm completely against a gameshark going in my system, for reasons of past events. So, I went in and told them that if they do get one, that they would have to use it in their own system when they bring in here. They got pissed off for a minute, until I explain. Then, the father tries the old 'but I never had a problem with it'. Then, I said I still don't want it near my system. Then, he dares to say," Well, if I broke it, you know I'd buy you another one." That ticked me off and I glared and said," Even still, no." He finally got the hint, but that really is still upsetting me. Why can't the respect for my things and my decisions about my stuff be enough? Not only would it not be easy to get that system anymore, but that just told me my system means so little to them that they could break it and not really care.


It really does hurt me, when people say things like that. If someone just states their sincerest apology, I tend to be forgiving. If someone says something along the lines of," I know can't really replace it, but if there's anyway I can make it up to you I will. I truly am sorry." Even that I can handle more. Like I said, it isn't really doesn't matter what the object is. It's the principle of the thing. Their responses were insulting, and the way it rolled of their tongue was showing just how unimportant it is to respect my stuff and me. It isn't just these events that it has happened. I've heard it before, and even people telling me about someone doing it to them. I don't know how many share the same feelings toward the subject with me.

Writing this out has really helped, actually. My upset is deteriorating. Sorry to vent.

I know how you feel, what people don't understand is there are feelings and thoughts attached to things. Like the ice cream, it was from a friend who was showing you that she thought of you and loved you. Trivializing your feelings by saying 'oh I will buy some more' shows a distinct lack of respect on their part for things that belong to you as well. Yes, they mean well, but still there are things attached to inanimate objects that while may seem trivial to them are highly important to you, like maybe a memory of playing a certain game with someone you love. Alot of people seem to think that replacing things if damaged actually repairs the hurt feelings you might have. One thing that hurt most for you I think was the lack of respect for your feelings and rights you have as the gaming system was yours to begin with, in my own opinion, once you said no, that should have been it, end of story. As for the ice cream, I think you are owed an apology, yes it was there, and the child wanted some, however it was not your mother's to give it was yours. The very least she could have done was called and asked your permission first. Like I said I feel this is more about you feeling walked upon and not appreciated and more like an afterthought than anything. Well sweetie, you are entitled to your feelings and never let anyone tell you that your not, no one can make or tell you how to feel. I know you didn't begrudged the child the ice cream like i said it was the fact that deep down you felt disrespected. Trust me I know how you feel sweetheart, I recently went through some traumatic things and the way people were offering their condolences did not make me feel better, it made me feel like I was being a spoiled brat, and not appreciating what I already had in my life.

You were disrespected by your mother and the father of the child. They are treating you as a weak, immature female. You can't allow that. Believe me, people test your boundaries, and if you constantly give way, you will always be treated as less than the others around you (as is obviously the case right now). The trick is, establishing boundaries without seeming shrill or hysterical. To do this, you must establish a personal philosophy of what is acceptable and implement it firmly, without exceptions, and in a firm, dignified way. Do not scream, pout, or negotiate, or it will all be for nothing. If you never deviate from this dignified behavior, the people you interact with will view you as a powerful individual, rather than someone to manipulate and negotiate with, and the rest of your life will be more pleasant.

I understand why such things would upset you. I'm not trying to be insensitive when I say this but, one thing I have learned over the years is that you cannot take everything personally. Otherwise you will be getting hurt over a lot of stuff, which can break you both emotionally and eventually psychically. A lot of times, people just don't think about these things. It's not that they are trying to be insensitive it's just that they don't think about it.

Every person is different, so every persons thoughts are different then what yours would be. So while most of the people you mentioned words were uncalled for, for the situation I think it might have been more then their words you were upset by. Their actions, their behavior etc. It would be best to just sit down with them, and talk everything out, give them rules for your stuff. They cannot understand your emotions to certain things if you don't tell them. Because as I mentioned before, most people just don't think before they speak. It happens a lot, which is why you have to learn to let things roll of your shoulders, and to just not take anything personally. Because most people really don't mean to hurt you with their words, they don't think they are, because they wouldn't think that what they say would hurt them(if it was said to them)

As I mentioned before though, I understand why what happened would effect you and hurt you, my family and their words use to hurt me a lot too. If something like the ice cream event happens again, you should tell them how you felt about it. How it was something your friend got for you, and that you'd appreciate it if they had called you to ask about it before touching/using it. If you can't find the time to talk to them about it before leaving, put a note on it(which would be hard for a freezer item like ice cream, but leave it on the freezer door such as 'The 'this' ice cream is mine, please don't touch it or have any, thank you')


Again I'm not trying to insensitive to your feelings , I just thought I'd give another point of view from experiencing the same thing and learning something from it. Hopefully you don't experience such events again.

Also I agree with basically everything Knifethrower stated.

Actually, I'd have to say to consider yourself lucky, if you know they would in fact buy a new one to replace whatever they used/broke. While I can completely understand the thought that they don't give you any respect, which they obviously don't give enough at least, it could always be worse.

You could have a family like mine. Instead of 'I can always buy you another one/more' it's 'you can always buy another one/more'. Or worse yet, they automatically assume whatever is mine is theirs and I have no room to complain because we've family. Thankfully I do not live with my family anymore, love them, but can't stand them.

A good example of how it can be worse...My step dad tried to be 'nice' and fix my computer even though it wasn't broken. The problem was that they computer couldn't keep up with as fast as I can type, when you type up to 95 wpm very little can. But he wanted to make the processor faster or something like that. And went in to 'fix' it while I was at work.

Long story short, he some how screwed up the computer to the point I had to reformat. I lost the only working copy of my 'finished' novel draft. I forgave him because he was just trying to make my built from old parts computer run faster. However, less than a month later, I came home from work to find he had tried to 'fix' it yet again and it needed to be reformatted again. I lost the same novel I had just rewritten from memory.

Thankfully he stopped trying to 'fix' it after that, but never once did he assume he had done something wrong or offer to take the hard drive down and see if they couldn't recover my novel. It my computer so it was my problem. The sad thing is, had it been reversed, nearly every member of my family would have automatically decided that I needed to reimburse him in some way.

Now while your family may not give you as much respect as you deserve, they at least consider you to be on equal terms. They know that something is yours and while it may not stop them from using it, they at least understand that it is their responsibility to replace what was used or broken. I'd take that over being nothing more than a stepping stone any day.

So like I said, consider yourself lucky. It can always be worse .

Some people just don't get the hint when others say don't mess with it, they think just because they know differently then you, then there are right.

My brother is the exact same way...he will randomly barge into my bedroom and start going through my drawers trying to find something and all the while I'm telling him, hey I will find it for you get out of there!

Or when I buy stuff to eat (I'm vegan) and others in the house take some and don't like it and throw it away just because...

It gets annoying and very old...very quickly.

In my experience, when someone says that "if they break/use/lose it, they'll pay for it", they often don't. How often have any of you lent out a book to someone to have them lose it, offer to replace it and then never do? Not to sound bitter though, because it hasn't happened to me all that often. Just an observation.

I find it interesting that both references are to what seems to be your half-brother, and that you never call him that. I must be missing a piece of information there.

Everyone has the right to own personal possessions, even if they are living under a parent or someone else's roof. These possessions are not community property, like the television in the living room or the washer and dryer. Maybe you need to write a letter to your mother, an addendum to HER house rules, so to speak, explaining that certain items belong to you, and are not community property. List these items, such as clothing, your personal computer, your game system, etc. State that these items are not to be touched by anyone but yourself. In closing, request acknowledgement of this addendum. If she is a logical individual, she will acknowledge your right to own personal property, and realize that she has been trespassing on your rights and feelings. If, on the other hand, she behaves emotionally, or claims that you are required to allow others to make use of your personal property, you will have been given proof positive of exactly where your rights as a human being and your feelings stand in your mother's hiarchy of values.

This makes me think of the ad for Tide detergent where the daughter asks her mother if she has seen her green shirt. The mother tells the daughter the shirt is not her style, then has a flashback to wearing the daughter's shirt out partying without the daughter's permission, getting a terrible stain on it, and then, throwing it into a laundry hamper and not doing her best to ameliorate the damage she has done to someone else's belongings. Then, to top off her disrespectful behavior, she not only LIES to her daughter, she does so in a tricky manner, saying the shirt is "not her style", and not even having the b***s to just tell her she never touched her shirt. At any point along the way, the woman had a chance to minimize her transgression. Say she wanted to borrow the shirt, and her daughter wasn't there. So she goes ahead and borrows it, and is very careful with it, since it's not hers. But, say she is not careful enough, and puts a bad stain on the shirt. She should wash it properly or take it to the dry cleaner, and tell her daughter that she is very sorry for taking the shirt without asking, and even more sorry for damaging the shirt. But she just throws the shirt in her hamper, and doesn't even care that she has done anything wrong. When asked about it, she lies. WTF? Is this parenting in the 21st century?

And what a wasted opportunity to teach the young boy good values. Rather than just give into the kid's demands for ice cream, it would have been a great lesson in respecting others if your mother had simply told him: "I'm sorry, Joey. That ice cream belongs to Sally. If you are hungry, I will make you a sandwich." Duh!

As the last child of five, I rarely got new things unless it was school items or if I bought it myself. Nowadays, I am obsessed with things being 'MY things, and no you can't use them.' Not exactly the best outlook, but it's the way I started feeling after my OLDER sister kept borrowing my clothes, and my brothers used my things or invaded my space without asking.

I am a military brat, so we didn't have much, and we moved constantly. There were no 'friends' so family was everything. Which also magnified the 'what's yours is mine.'

I bought a PS3 for me, and a few days later my brother brings home a military game for him and decides to call me a b*tch for not letting him use my console, even though he never asked. My clothes constantly fall into the possession of my sister, even though I keep asking her not to touch my things. I've had many articles of clothes ruined because of her.

Then a few years ago, I had a falling out with my best friend, who I let borrow a lot of my stuff, DVD's mostly. I asked for my stuff back, and I kept getting 'I'm busy with school,' 'I can't find them,' and all that bullshit. To this date, though we're back on 'friendly' terms, I haven't gotten my stuff back, and I keep asking her for it.

What's more, if they ruin something, or use something without my permission, it's not their fault. All of the sudden I'M the bad one because I wouldn't let them use it, or I shouldn't have let them borrow it and so on. Most of the time I don't even get a 'Sorry' and NEVER do I get 'I'll replace it.'

Only recently I've been able to get them to listen because I've started to DEMAND their attention, I've started saying ABSOLUTELY NOT and locking my stuff up until *I* want to use it.

I feel for you my dear Smittee, and I just have to say keep on doing as you're doing. Hopefully they'll eventually figure it out.

Thank you all, who have replied to this. Yes, Lady B, it is mostly geared to sort of family. It's my mom's bf and his son that I am talking about. While they aren't the only instances in life about respect of one's things, they are the newest.

I've calmed down a lot from it, along with being yelled at this morning about respect. (That's a longer one. Mostly me trying to say don't joke around with mean sounding words with me, because anything that sounds remotely mean is making me cry right now. And they took me asking them not to say those things as 'being disrespectful'. So, I cried till I was sick.) I've finally gotten over a lot of it, and back to ignoring the family and focusing on my school. After all, it seems like when I try to be the nice person and join in on 'family time' I get hurt rather quickly. Especially right now, with me being off birth control and it throwing my system out of whack.

Once again, thanks to everyone for their advice and other words. ^.^ I appreciate it.