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Sins in Dreaming by Freya Ishtar

Not For the First Time


I originally posted this story from late-2007 to mid-2008 on A Single Spark, dA, FFN & Mediaminer. In 2008, it received 1st place for Best Lemon in the Dokuga Quarterly Awards (2nd Quarter). You can still find my original post of this story in the Spark archive.

This is a slightly-revised/rewritten version I am reposting, because I am finally (after 7 & ½ years, yes) ready to continue and complete the story :D

The actual in-story event which kicks the tale into motion is a bit of a fandom cliché (or it was in 2007, maybe it still is, I dunno *sweatdrop*), all I ask is that you bear with me as the story really gets going.

Editorial Note: It occurred to me to drop the honorifics, and use English titles, instead. But I decided against it, in keeping with both the original posting, and the style of the majority of Inu fics that had been around at that time.


Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all related characters and themes belong to Takahashi Rumiko. I make no profit from this story.


Chapter One

Not For the First Time

He watched her hazy blue eyes widen and close once again as her body shuddered deliciously beneath him. The feeling of her—so warm, and wet, and tight—gripping him tighter, still, forced a pained groan from him and he gave in to that savage yearning, his hips jerking sharply as he thrust himself into her harder.

He couldn't bear being so gentle with her anymore—not when the simplest touch of her skin against his unwound him so completely. She bit deep into her bottom lip and the intoxicating scent of her blood reached him. The thought jetted briefly across his clouded mind that he might be hurting her, but she cupped a trembling hand against his cheek in that delicate manner she had.

"Sesshomaru . . . please don't stop," she said in a husky whisper.

Nodding, he gripped her more tightly to him, enjoying the way she cried out as her slender hips bucked against his frenzied motions. Lowering his head he lapped at the blood, a low growl rumbling in the back of his throat as she eagerly drew his tongue between her lips with her own. The tender way she explored his mouth was such a jarring contrast to the hard and fast thrusting of his hips that he was forced to break the kiss, growling again.

"I suppose I have always wished to know what you tasted like, miko,"he murmured.

She giggled softly, her breath hitching and he knew she was so close. Just a little longer and she would be screaming his name—a sound he'd come to lust after hearing nearly as much as he lusted after her.

"How many times must I tell you? Call me Kagome."


Sesshomaru's eyes snapped open, an immediate frown gracing his lips. This was perhaps the fifth time in as many sleep cycles that he had been visited by such disturbing, and completely unwanted, visions of his detestable half-brother's wench. True, he only slept once every four days—and the thoughts did not enter his waking mind—but each time he awoke, the unsavory images became harder to banish from his thoughts.

A shrill sound nearby met his ears and he lifted narrowed golden eyes. Jaken and Rin were bickering, yet again, as the little girl roasted a fish over the open fire. Sesshomaru tried to focus on their words, to allow another of their inane arguments to distract him from his own terribly wayward thoughts. His effort to understand was useless—as though he were trying to translate the humming of insects—for all their gibbering refused to become clear as an echo of the miko's voice drifted across his consciousness.

Frown deepening, his gaze lowered as he attempted to envision a way to silence the wench. Perhaps strangling her with his bare hands? It had been a while since he had used his bare hands to strip someone's life away. There proved to be no use for it. The idea that this dreamed wanting of her might continue after her death was simply too disturbing.

Without his notice of it a growl escaped his throat. The whining of those humming insects ceased in an instant, punctuated nicely by two startled gasps.

"Sessh—Sesshomaru-sama! My deepest apologies," Jaken said, sniveling as he threw himself to the ground in a deep bow before turning his head sharply toward Rin. "I told you your keening would disrupt the master's rest!"

Rin's little mouth fell open in shock, her large brown eyes becoming even wider. "But, Jaken-sama, it was you who started arguing with me!"

"Nonsense!" The imp's huge yellow orbs brimmed with tears. "It was no such thing! I told you the master is in need of rest these days. With how—uncharacteristically—tired he has seemed as of late—"

Jaken's whined retort was cut off by the heel of Sesshomaru's shoe connecting hard with his face. The impact sent the demon skittering across the forest floor.

Rising smoothly, the daiyoukai turned and began walking. As usual, he appeared uncaring as to whether the squabbling pair followed, or not. Jaken leapt instantly to his little feet to follow and Rin barely had the time to snatch her breakfast from the dying fire as she ran to take hold of Ah-Un's reins.

Sesshomaru allowed instinct to guide his steps as his mind mulled over the distasteful problem. Unfortunately, Jaken's assumption was correct. He was not resting anymore when he did deign to take sleep; the dreams quickened his pulse, stunted his breathing and brought him out of slumber far too soon.

Twice he had found himself waking in a rather embarrassing state induced by the dreamed touch of that damnable girl. Such a thing was unsightly and unforgivable.

As far as he was aware, he never paid attention to the oddly dressed miko and he rarely allowed such carnal thoughts to enter his mind. So why her? Why now? Perhaps it was some spell? Or more likely a curse.

When next he had to suffer through another run-in with Inuyasha and his cohorts, he would confront the wench and demand to know what she had done. He would force her to speak what her intentions were.

Unless being faced with her urged him to spirit her away, deep into the forest. To bend her over a felled tree, tearing away her strange, revealing garments an—

His steps stilled for only the barest moment as he ground his teeth, a muscle twitching in his jaw. So the thoughts were beginning to invade his waking mind, after all. This was an utterly unacceptable state of affairs, indeed.

"What is it, Sesshomaru-sama?" Jaken was beside him suddenly, nearly surprising Sesshomaru; had he been walking so slowly, or had the imp managed to become faster during their travels? "That face you make . . . . Do you smell Naraku or—or that wretched Inuyasha?"

Sesshomaru halted. In his periphery, he registered that they walked beside a sakura grove. The heavy scent of the blossoms filling the air made it a wonder he could smell anything else, at all.

"No, Jaken. I smell nothing."

"Then what troubles you so, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Nothing which concerns you."

Jaken opened his beak-like mouth, certainly to pester Sesshomaru with more of his insipid questioning, but the man had already picked up his pace again. The imp was so caught up in his own ponderings that he did not even notice he was being abandoned until Ah-Un trotted obediently past him, carrying Rin.

"Hurry up, Jaken-sama! Or you might get left behind."

The little girl's words seemed to terrify Jaken. He let out a shriek as he bolted to catch up. "How dare you say such a thing? Sesshomaru-sama would never—"

"But Jaken-sama, every time you can't find Sesshomaru-sama you start crying and saying that he's finally decided to—"

"Rin," Sesshomaru began without turning to look at her. It had suddenly occurred to him there was a voice missing from the usual ramblings that followed his every step. Had he truly been so distracted by his bothersome thoughts of that awful young woman? "Where is Kohaku?"

Jaken stifled a gasp at the faint blush that colored the little girl's cheeks.

"Kohaku-kun left early this morning. He said he had to talk to his sister."

Sesshomaru repressed the urge to give a perturbed sigh. Rin had grown quite attached to the boy. If he did not return after long, she would most assuredly ask that they go find him.

A meeting with Inuyasha and that . . . insufferable miko was truly inevitable.

"What about?"

"Huh?" Rin asked, clearly lost in thought as she stared, dumbfounded for a moment at the back of Sesshomaru's silver head.

"Pay attention, girl," Jaken squawked, impatience edging his normally harsh tone. "Sesshomaru-sama asked what Kohaku wanted to talk to his sister about."

She shrugged helplessly. "He didn't say."

Sesshomaru frowned darkly as Kohaku's scent drifted to him on a breeze. Only a moment passed before he caught the scents of the group the boy had gone in search of.

"He is near." He wanted to throttle himself for saying it, because as the words left his lips, Rin let out a delighted gasp.

"Can we go meet him, Sesshomaru-sama? Please?"

Turning wordlessly in the direction of the scent, Sesshomaru strode off. Yes, truly inevitable.


She covered her face in her hands coyly for a moment before lowering them to watch him over the tips of her fingers. The moonlight bathed his silver hair and pale skin in an otherworldly glow; his beauty made her bite her lip as he continued undressing her. He fussed with her bra a moment before giving up entirely and simply pulling the satin cups down to reveal her breasts.

She was embarrassed to find that she was already aching for him, her nipples tight and hard, even before he drew them into his mouth one at a time. His fangs grazed and his tongue swirled in teasing, flickering motions. He slid her panties blindly down her body with one hand, his other hand cupping her breast as he began kissing a path down her ribcage and over her stomach.

His claws ran lightly, tickling as they traced the skin of her inner thigh slowly upward. The sudden touch of his fingertips between her legs was unexpectedly gentle. She shut her eyes tightly, her hands balling into fists in front of her mouth.

"Why still so shy after so many times, miko?"

She moaned softly at the delicate stroking. Her voice came out in a shuddering whisper, "I can't help it. I . . . we shouldn't be doing these things."

His breath was warm against her thighs, so painfully close to that delicate spot his hand was paying such expert attention to. "Is there someone else you would prefer to be with?"

"No," she answered, her voice steady. She was surprised she didn't need to give her response any thought.

"Then make me a promise, miko."

He entered her slowly with his fingers and she rolled her hips to meet this invasion, her back arching. "What . . . ?" How did he expect her to speak when he was doing such things to her? "What promise?"

She gasped sharply as he lapped his tongue over that sensitive spot once, twice. "When we meet like this, I always find you so ripe here. All but begging for me to take you."

He kissed her there as though he was kissing her mouth. She couldn't stop herself from gripping her hands into his hair as she looked at him, shocked to find his golden eyes staring back at her.

She gasped, shuddering. "What—what do you want me to promise?"

She groaned with disappointment as he withdrew his mouth to answer.

One corner of his mouth lifted ever so slightly—the only hint that he was smiling at her response to his actions. "Promise me . . . ." He now had both hands between her legs, one set of fingertips working in place of his tongue, as the other continued sliding into her slow and deep. "That you will always only be so ripe for me."

Her head rolled helplessly from side to side as she began rocking her hips, pushing herself against his motions. "Yes, I . . . I promise, Sesshomaru!"


Kagome bolted upright in her sleeping bag, gasping for air. Passing a trembling hand across her forehead, she found she'd broken into a cold sweat. Despite this, she could feel her body's reaction to the dream. Her limbs were warm, and languid. There was even a treacherous voice in the back of her mind telling her to go back to sleep and let the dream finish.

She had yet to open her eyes, and she squeezed them more tightly shut, still. Why does this keep happening? For perhaps a little over a month now, she would find herself having such scandalous dreams of Inuyasha's brother every few nights.

The first time, she'd awoken in a panic, flushed and breathing heavily, only to scream as she was suddenly met with a pair of concerned golden eyes. She realized quickly that it was Inuyasha looking at her and not . . . someone else.

The dream had felt so real that when she had gone to bathe, she'd not been too terribly surprised to find that her panties were soaked through.

She'd merely brushed off that first dream—she was a teenage girl, often in the company of attractive males. Wasn't that fuel enough for dreams like this? And she couldn't control who was in the dream, the next time it might be Inuyasha, or Kouga, or—she had shuddered at the next thought—Miroku. But each time, five times maybe, she'd dreamed of Sesshomaru.

Kagome was pulled from her musings as something small, but weighty, landed in her lap.

At last she opened her eyes and looked down to find a bright emerald gaze staring back at her. "Kagome-chan, you're finally awake! Are . . . are you okay?"

She shrugged out of the top half of the sleeping bag and stretched. Without the heavy material muffling her hearing she picked up the faintest hints of conversation somewhere behind her, around the fire. Though, the conversation was far enough away that she couldn't actually make out the words.

The thought sent her teeth nibbling nervously on her bottom lip. Behind me? But didn't I go to sleep closer, facing the fire?'

That . . . . Horrid,yes! That was the word! That horrid dream must have made her squirm and shift in her sleep.


"Huh?" She blinked down at the tiny kitsune a moment before remembering his question. "Oh, yes. I'm okay, Shippo-chan. Why?"

His face lowered, but his enormous eyes shone with concern as they stayed on hers. "You were making noises in your sleep."

Kagome gasped suddenly, covering her mouth with her hands. Who else might have heard her?

If Inuyasha had heard, he undoubtedly would have yanked her carelessly from her pleasant—no, no, horrid—horrid dream, demanding to know if she was alright. Miroku would have most likely known what would cause a girl to make such sounds, being the letch he was, and left her to her dreaming. Sango would have patiently waited until she'd woken up and then quietly asked her about it.

Hoping Shippo was the only one who might have heard—and dreading that he might not be—she asked in a quiet voice, "What sort of noises?"

Shippo shrugged, appearing only more concerned at her melodramatic reaction. "It sounded like someone was hurting you or something."

Or something, Kagome thought almost ruefully.

"I thought maybe," the youkai-child continued, "you were dreaming about that last fight with Naraku and Magatsuhi."

Biting on an already shorn fingernail she considered how to respond. If she simply said no, then that might only serve to bring up more questions. If she said yes, she'd be lying to poor little Shippo. Poor little Shippo looked to be waiting on pins and needles for her response, as it was.

Lying wasn't so bad if she did it to protect the people she cared about from a horrid truth, right?

Lifting Shippo with one arm she stood, pushing away the remainder of her sleeping bag with the other. "Yes, Shippo-chan, that is exactly what I was dreaming about. I dreamed that Naraku caught me and . . . . Oh, it was just awful. I don't really want to talk about it."

"I understand," he replied softly as she turned toward their friends.

The sight that greeted her halted Kagome in her tracks; Kohaku sat beside Sango and their heads were ducked toward one another as they muttered quietly back and forth. Inuyasha and Miroku sat a few feet away, slurping up ramen from Styrofoam containers. The pained looks of concentration on their faces gave away that they were listening in.

Inuyasha's relaxed state put Kagome at ease in an instant. If Sesshomaru was nearby, the hanyou would undoubtedly be on his feet, screaming obscenities for all of Japan to hear.

A quick glance around the small clearing confirmed Kagome's assumption as she began walking toward the group. "Why is Kohaku-kun here?"

"He said he needed to talk to Sango-chan. They've been sitting like that ever since."

She couldn't help noticing Inuyasha's nose twitch as she approached. "Oi," he exclaimed, drawing everyone's gaze to follow his own. "About time you dragged your ass outta bed."

Shippo's fluffy tail puffed out even further as an incredibly unthreatening growl sounded in the back of his tiny throat. "You leave Kagome-chan alone. She was having nightmares!"

Widened blue eyes darted down to the kitsune in her arms. Okay, so perhaps she hadn't considered that Shippo might tell everyone, but her moment of concern was squashed by movement out of the corner of her eye. She lifted her gaze to see Inuyasha set down his meal

He climbed to his feet and turned to face them. "Don't you tell me how to talk to her!"

Kagome exchanged a quick, questioning glance with Miroku around Inuyasha's side. All right, so it wasn't simply her imagination. Yes, Inuyasha was almost always short with everyone, and a bit crass, but recently he'd been far more volatile than usual. Worse, there was never any telling what would set him off.

"Someone has to! You're—you're . . . ." Shippo shook his head, his little cheeks puffing out as he searched for the right word. "You're such a bully, Inuyasha!"

A sudden flurry of motion caught Kagome by surprise as Inuyasha leaped toward them. Shippo flung himself over her shoulder, clinging to her back as he burrowed under her long black mane, missing the impact with Inuyasha's fist by only a hair's breadth.

Kagome screamed; her body crumbling as the misdirected punch connected with her folded forearms. Instantly everyone was on their feet, surrounding the injured girl. Sango and Shippo glared at Inuyasha, while Miroku and Kohaku pulled the hanyou back a few paces.

Inuyasha could only stare down at her, helpless. His fear and confusion colored his expression as he watched the tears streaming from her eyes.

"Look what you did," Shippo said, seething as he poked his little face over Kagome's shoulder

"Dammit it, Inuyasha," Sango railed at him, uncharacteristically angry as she gently coaxed Kagome into unfolding her arms. "We've told you one day your constant scuffles with Shippo were going to end up getting Kagome-chan hurt!"

"You have to remember that even though it's Shippo you're aiming for it's Kagome-sama who usually carries him. Unlike him her body is human- she can't take a strike from you like he can," Miroku cautioned, his voice even and calm, despite the worry in his eyes.

Inuyasha knelt before her and Kagome flinched, instinctively bringing up her wounded arms to shield herself. Her bones throbbed painfully and she wondered with a strange, disconnected panic if they might not be broken.

His eyes were so sad and frightened at her reaction. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her, but she didn't want him anywhere near her at the moment, either.

"It was an accident!"

"I know," she whispered, nodding.

It hurt to hear her voice sound weak like that, and he shook his head. He didn't quite believe that she understood. "Kagome . . . Kagome? I'm sorry I didn't mean to do it, honest! I . . . ."

His voice trailed off as his nose twitched and immediately he was up again, bouncing angrily on the balls of his feet. "Sesshomaru!"

Kagome stifled a gasp, the pain forgotten for a moment as she lifted her watery gaze to see Sesshomaru. He approached with Jaken and Ah-Un in tow, Rin seated on the two-headed beast's back.

She really could have gone through her remaining days in the Feudal era without seeing him again. It's okay, they're only dreams and they're only in your head. Still, it was jarring to see that cold visage she was so accustomed to, when only a few minutes earlier she'd imagined him gazing up at her with such heated passion in his eyes.

Horrid, horrid dream, she reminded herself. Kagome attempted to give her body a shake without moving her arms. Horrid, horrid, horrid!

"Your hanyou senses must be dulling, Inuyasha. Normally, you would have picked up my scent far more quickly."

Inuyasha stomped over to him, spitting out foul words. Sesshomaru could not make sense of his brother's words as his gaze fell onto the miko.

He could smell that the tears which stained her cheeks had literally just been shed. The way the demon-slayer and the kitsune kept stealing unfavorable glances at Inuyasha told Sesshomaru all he needed to know. The miko, however, was looking directly at him. The strangest mix of confusion and guilt was written on her face.

His mouth set in a grim line as he lifted his eyes from the miko to rest on Inuyasha once more. Why did he not like the notion that Inuyasha had caused her injury? The grim line became a frown. Why did he care at all?

"Little brother," he spoke with only the faintest edge of malice in his tone—so slight, she almost missed it. "What has your idiocy wrought this time?"

Kagome forced a small gulp down her throat at the sound of Sesshomaru's voice. He was . . . angry . . . .


INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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