The Steps to Recovery by Meagan Schoeff

The Beginning

Sometimes it is really amazing how long it takes for some one to get a clue. I mean really, its been what, two years that I have been fawning over Inuyasha? In love with him? No, I’m not quite sure that is what is should be called. Puppy love maybe. Blind as a bat following some sound waves in the atmosphere probably. But love? No, this can’t be what you call love.

They say sometimes all it takes is a slap in the face to wake up to reality, and as I stared into the water of the lake I’d taken refuge next too, all I could see was a bright red handprint taking residence on the left side of my face. If thats not a wake up call I don’t know what is. You would think I’d learn. That after years, not days, not months, but YEARS of being yelled at, called every bad name in the book, being left for the “other woman” time and time again, I would have realized that Inuyasha is not the one for me, nor was he interested one bit.

But no, it took a slap in the face from our oh so great hero to make me realize I’ve wasted my time, hell, I’ve wasted my life. The reason for the hideous mark to my once unblemished face? Because mother couldn’t afford to buy ramen for his butt anymore because ramen cost money, even if it wasn’t that expensive, and it was money my mother no longer had. She has to start saving what minimal funds she had for Souta to go to high school because at least someone from our family needed to graduate, and lets just face it, odds were not in my favor on this one.

My blue eyes stared back at me, listless and confused eyes that were so lost that tears still haven’t found them yet. Or maybe all the stinging sensation decided to stay in that one awful spot on my face and decided to leave my eyes alone. Whatever the reason, I was not, and will not cry. Okay maybe I might later, but for now I’d rather stick with cold delicious anger. Because right now thats what I need.

Yet even that seemed hard to come by as shock seemed to be a very hard feeling to break. Once it went away though, Inuyasha better go ahead and dig his grave himself before I decide to sit him in it. Okay maybe some of the anger had found its way through the shock.

Inuyasha had hit me…wow, yup still in shock. I thought it was supposed to be the bad guys that got beaten up, not the heroine of the story. Then again, I wasn’t much of a heroine as much as a walking disaster. I mean, I was the one to break the Shikon jewel in the first place which had in turn caused havoc and despair. As if that wasn’t pathetic enough, I can barely protect myself, if being kidnapped at least once a week isn’t enough to go by, let alone find these jewels unless I’m close by. In the end, I’d call myself pretty useless.

No wonder Inuyasha would rather have his bitter dead ex-girlfriend instead of me. “Okay Kagome, no more pity party, get off your ass and go sit that moron to next week.” My legs didn’t move. My hands stayed uselessly at my side, as if my strength had left them. Which wouldn’t be too surprising. I had after all been walking all day until late evening, when it came down to the last ramen and informing Inuyasha as politely as I could that it would probably be the last one in a really long time. Yeah, that had gone over real well.

A feminine screech caught my attention to my left, and in a heart beat that missing in action strength of mine was back, and I was on my feet searching for the sound. Silence was all that met my ears.

“Hello?” I called out, my voice sounded more garbled then anything, as if something were stuck in the back of my throat. I guess I know where my tears went to. Ignoring the sensation that maybe coming close to a screeching creature, possibly a demon with a penchant for pretty young maidens in short school uniforms, I walked down the dirt path next to the lake to where I had heard the voice. “Is anyone there?” I called out again, slowly walking around the trees that had blocked my view of the unknown, only to come across a young girl who had landed face first in the mud.

Her black hair and once yellow orange kimono were all that I could make out in the destruction. Her hands and feet were slipping and sliding in the brown mud as she tried to get some semblance of traction going for her. “Relax, don’t move or it will get worse, I’ll pull you up.” Well, I guess this is what you call a distraction from reality, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers right?

Holding on to what looked to be a sturdy branch, I grabbed the back of her kimono, and slowly dragged her up. “Are you alright?”

Doe brown eyes stared up at me, filled with nothing but childish delight and mischief. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen those eyes before. Taking in her appearance, the lopsided pigtail, the raven black hair, and that sweet smile that I’d recognize anywhere, I realized it was no other than the girl Rin, who had been following Sesshomaru for the past year and a half.

I’ve never really talked to her before, at least not long enough for us to really get to know each other. All I knew was that this girl seemed to have attached herself quite firmly to the cold demon lord who supposedly hated all human-kind…except maybe her. 

“Lady Kagame!” her voice squealed out, mud already forgotten as she gave my knees a hug. Well at least she hadn’t got mud on my clothes. Thats a plus, right? “Rin, what are you doing here all by yourself? Aren’t you usually with Lord Sesshomaru…or Jaken?” I really didn’t see Sesshomaru as being the irresponsible type to just leave the girl frolicking through the forest alone but then again my sense of judgement apparently isn’t as great as I thought.

“Lord Sesshomaru had to take care of something so he left Rin with Lord Jaken but Rin got hungry so Rin left to find food but fell down the hill and landed in the mud but its okay because Lady Kagame helped Rin.” she gushed in one breath. Kids are seriously impressive sometimes, like seriously, do they even need oxygen? I gave her the best smile I could, though it felt tight, the stinging on the left side of my face an obvious reminder that today hadn’t been the best of days.

“Well before you eat anything, it might be best to get you all washed up, then maybe we can get you something to snack on,” I said as I took in the mud dripping from her hair, face, hands…oh lets just face it the girl was a walking, talking Loch ness monster, though in her defense, a cute one. 

A bright smile was my reward, which looked priceless with white baby teeth showing in a face covered in mud. Looking at her kimono I couldn’t help but sigh. The thing was ruined at best. “Rin…do you by chance have any other kimonos?” Perhaps Sesshomaru bought her a few extras. He’s supposed to be a Lord right? Lords have money usually…right?

“Rin has a spare with Ah-Un!” the young raven haired child stated blissfully as she began taking off her ruined wardrobe. “Thats great! Where is he?” I asked as I began toeing of my shoes and socks. My knees were after all filthy and I really didn’t want to get my shoes wet trying to wash the mud off.

“Ah-Un is with Lord Sesshomaru!” I just stared. So what she’s trying to say is…she doesn’t have a clean kimono. I could feel the exasperated sweat drop forming as I took in her happy smile and bright chocolate eyes, obviously not giving her lack of clean attire much thought. Ah to be young again. 

Dipping my legs into the water, I once again look at my reflection. Yup, bright red hand print right where I left it…or rather where Inuyasha left it. “What are you doing all the way out here Lady Kagome? Rin thought you were traveling with Lord Sesshomaru’s brother.” The question only sunk me deeper into my depressing thoughts, so I did the best thing a girl could do. Deny, deny, deny.

“I was just getting away for a little bit, to clear my thoughts.” That sounded reasonable enough, but taking one look at her expressive eyes, I could tell she was looking at my face, and she didn’t believe me for a second.

“Did Lord Inuyasha do that?” She asked, pointing to her own left cheek. Ah kids, blunt as a bat this one. I could only look away, too embarrassed at being caught in my weak lie. I didn’t answer her. Honestly I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Inuyasha had indeed been the culprit of her accusation. No wonder Sesshomaru kept this kid around. She might look high on life, but she obviously was intuitive for one so young.

“Rin used to be beat a lot…before Lord Sesshomaru came,” she drifted off into her own thoughts after that, her eyes taking on a far away look to a time that no one else could see but her. I stared at the child, my own embarrassment forgotten and shame setting in its place, as I took the young girl in for what felt like the first time. 

It was hard to believe one so young had gone through so much, and by the look in her eyes, she had gone through a lot. She couldn’t be older then 8 or 9 by now, but then again, in this era what did age matter. It seemed no matter where you looked, someone was suffering a cruel, unjust fate. I felt a twinge of self hatred. 

While I was crying over Inuyasha acting like a jerk, maybe more than usual but a jerk who I could have easily sent crashing to the ground with one utterance of subjugation, this little girl had suffered being beat for things that had no rhyme or reason. To the point possibly that a cold hearted Taiyoukai had taken pity on her and saved her (possibly since I have no idea of that story)from a horrible fate.

I should have realized on my own that there was no way that Sesshomaru would have taken in some girl for no reason. There was something about the girl that drew people to her, that made them want to protect her from all the evils in the world, and who better to protect her then possibly the most strongest demon in Japan. 

What could I say to her admission. It just didn’t feel like a moment to say something soothing or pitying, as I’m sure that was the last thing she wanted to hear. So instead, I grabbed her small hand in mine and led her slightly deeper into the water, not minding as my worn out skirt got wet. 

I pulled my sleeves up, I started to slowly wash her arms, starting at first with her muddy hands, working hard into getting the dirt caked under her nails to give way, before continuing up her arms, neck, and face. I then tilted her backwards, allowing her long hair to give the water the illusion of black ink, washing the dirt and grime out the best I could. I suddenly wished I hadn’t left my bag back at camp, instead rushing off into the unknown without a thought except to get away from an over irritated half demon.

“Kagome?” I could hear the question in her voice and before I could ask what wrong I felt it. Hot tears started flooding down my face, finally releasing my pent up frustration and sorrow. 

Frustration for allowing Inuyasha to push me this far, to make me feel so stupid and ridiculous for chasing after some thing that had never been in reach in the first place and sorrow, for my shattered dreams and expectations, and for this little girl who had seen so much at such a young age. Orphaned like little Shippo was, and yet still could be bright and cheerful because a prince had come and rescued her from her broken dirty castle that only housed dragons for comfort. 

“It will get better, it has to,” was all I could say, letting Rin’s sweet smile and sparkling brown eyes lull me into that belief. If this girl could find her happily ever after under strange circumstances, then maybe there was hope for me too. Maybe, just maybe, I could take charge of my own story. Perhaps now, I could focus less on Inuyasha, and more on Kagame, the girl who had crawled out of the well all those years ago, whom had been strong and confident and wouldn’t let any man make her feel less. 

Maybe it was time to finally grow up out of this feeling of hopelessness that had been putting a heavy weight in my steps for the past few months, no, years. I gave her a tentative smile as I cleaned her brow, stating only, “Yes, we are not broken, simply bent a little bit, but that can be fixed, with a little tender love and care.” All I got was a quick grin before a thick oppressive cloud of youki hit my senses full force, causing a shiver down my spine.

“Lord…Sesshomaru,” was all I could whisper as my knees bent under the strength of his will and true fear took over my senses.