Forbidden Love by BelovedStranger

Out of Control

Prompt: 'Do not make a mountain of a mole hill.'

He was overthinking things, Sesshomaru knew, but this was the first night that his ward had started her job, and he was apprehensive. Kagome was working the night shift, five days a week, for eight hours per day, and his mind continued to plague him with anything from Kagome being molested by someone at the hospital, in the parking lot, or wherever while she was away from the protection his—their—home provided her to her catching some illness from a patient. Though he could understand her need to be useful—that was just Kagome’s personality—he could even understand her need for independence and not solely rely on him for her needs, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Not one damn bit.

At least Kagome had allowed Michael to drive her to and from work instead of calling a cab. It helped that his ward wasn’t completely unreasonable and could compromise with him. He completely ignored the fact that the only reason why he’d compromised with her concerning getting a job was because she’d blindsided him with that hug…then the kiss that he’d foolishly initiated. Remembering his horrible lack of control, he recalled how she’d responded to him, how she’d relaxed into him, and given her mouth to him without restraint. It was only realizing her complete lack of restraint, her complete willingness to fall into his arms, that had brought him back to sanity.  

He hadn’t explained his action, merely continued on with their plans that evening—their date. As if sensing his mood, Kagome had—thankfully—let what happened between them go unquestioned and seemed to enjoy herself. A huge part of him was thankful that she had, while a small, nagging part of his mind was disappointed, the part of him that wished to throw caution to the wind and take her. And that was why he’d let her have her way. As long as she was away at work, the less chance of him losing his head again would occur.

Sesshomaru wanted to go to the hospital she worked at anyway, to watch over her, but refrained. Instead, after a week of watching Kagome go through the interview process and finally, tonight, having her first night at work, he went to her room, searching for the one thing that had been nagging at him night after night since its discovery. After several minutes of searching through her things, the things he’d provided for her, he found it. In the small side table by her bed, in the top draw, he found the book she’d been reading.

Holding it in both hands, he gazed at the familiar red cover with the two individuals locked together in a heated embrace, and read the title again: ‘Dark Desires’ . Kagome’s scent was everywhere in the room, that vanilla spice she seemed to love permeated the very air he breathed. Her choice in perfume conflicted greatly with her choice in reading material. Would he ever understand her? Turning, needing to remove himself from the intimate atmosphere of her bedroom, a place he shouldn’t even have passed the threshold even when she was gone, he decided to find out. Something primal in him needed to know, to understand his ward better.

Sesshomaru refused to even think about the fact that Kagome might just be interested in the intimacies he craved, because those thoughts only led to revelations he should not even contemplate… And yet, he took her book, secluded himself in his study, and sat down behind his desk and read. There were over three hundred pages, but he was able to read every one by the time Kagome’s shift ended and Michael left to retrieve her.

Reading her novel had been a mistake, a huge error in judgment, for his cock was thick and straining behind his black denim. Worse, his gums ached as his fangs lengthened against his will. His need to fuck tightened his muscles as he forced himself to remain where he sat. One wrong move and he’d lose it. Though his heart did not beat, his breathing was labored. Realizing he needed to control his breathing to help control his lust, he cut off all oxygen to his lungs. Letting his head fall back, ignoring the erotic book placed before him on his desk, he closed his eyes, and finally allowed himself to breathe in a low, slow breath of air he didn’t need.

Another mistake. He smelled her before he heard her dainty steps.

A small knock sounded on the door he’d had the sense of mind to close before sitting down to read. He should ignore her. No, he should tell her to go away, that he was busy. But the choice was taken from him before he’d found the resolve to send her away.

“Sesshomaru?” Kagome murmured, poking her head into his study. When she saw him, she took a small step inside, and he lifted his head from the back of his seat, watching her without blinking. “Ahh…Sorry. Were you resting? I can come back later…”

“No,” he found himself saying, noting the rasp to his voice, and cleared it, before continuing. “I was not resting, merely thinking.” He motioned to one of the two chairs before his desk, silently offering her to join him. “How was your first day on the job, Kagome?”

Happiness flooded her expression, and she came to him with a bounce in her step, though he could see how her shoulders were dropped from weariness. She sat down on the edge of her seat and leaned towards him, a wide smile on her face.

“It was great! Though I mostly followed another nurse around as she told me what my job would be, I feel like I’m doing the right thing.”

Though his erection pulsed in his pants in need of attention, Kagome’s happiness had him smiling, easing the tightness in his shoulders.

Reaching for the landline, he asked, “Did you want something to drink? Maybe a snack? I can have something brought to you.”

“Oh, Vicky already asked me. I would have made a sandwich for myself, but she insisted,” Kagome replied. Victoria, or Vicky as she preferred to be called, was his housemaid and wife to his driver Michael.

“I’ll tell her to bring it here.”

“No, you don’t have—” Kagome began, but he was already dialing and speaking with the older woman.

The call lasted no longer than a minute, but as he set the receiver down, there was a notable difference in Kagome as she sat stiffly in her seat. Sesshomaru was about to inquire if something was wrong when his eyes followed hers…and landed on the book.

He stiffened, too, but not out of embarrassment and shock that held Kagome rooted to her seat, mouth gapped open, and a pink flush sprouting on her cheeks. From just acknowledging the book, it brought back his conflicting feelings of hope and deprivation.

“W-why do you…have that?” she breathed.

He stared at her, but she wasn’t looking at him but at the damning book. He placed a hand on top of it, and as if it were a signal, her gaze shot up to meet his stare.

“I was curious,” he whispered, not at all repentant for reading it, though he wished he hadn’t.

“You could have asked!” she cried.

“Would you have willingly let me borrow it?” he couldn’t help but tease. When she groaned and dropped her face into her hands, Sesshomaru suppressed a chuckle at her obvious humiliation.

“You’re probably thinking I’m weird or messed up,” she moaned pitifully, confusing him.

“Why do you think that?”

She refused to look at him, but at least she lowered her hands, her gaze on the carpet. “It’s not normal erotica.”

“And what is normal?” he asked, though his chest hurt at the thought that Kagome viewed the BDSM lifestyle as wrong.

She huffed and waved her hand, as if the answer was obvious. “Because people don’t normally… think about that kind of thing when they have as little experience as I do.”

“You think because you are a virgin that there is something wrong with you to be interested in this lifestyle instead of something more vanilla flavored?”

Her face turned a darker shade of red. “Let’s not talk about my lack of experience! It’s too embarrassing,” she moaned.

“I don’t find you lacking,” Sesshomaru murmured. When she peeked up at him, he clarified. “Being chaste at your age is a novelty in this day and age, I admit, but it’s something to admire, not to belittle.”

Kagome lifted a hand to her hair and brushed it back, a nervous habit of hers he was accustomed to. She’d had it since she was a child. “I’ve hardly ever dated,” she muttered. “The few times I’ve tried, the guy would think less of me when he knew or got angry when I denied him…liberties. So I just assumed…”

His back went rigid for a whole new reason at her words. “Some male pressured you into having sex.” It was more of a statement that a question. “When did this happen? Who were they?”

He wanted to rip them apart for daring to touch what was his! His blood was boiling for a fight, his fists clenching, unconsciously digging his claws into his palms.

Kagome had the audacity to roll her eyes in the face of his anger. “Chill out, will you? It’s not that big a deal. Nothing happened and no one forced me to do anything. Nothing even happened other than a few kisses.”

“They kissed you?” he seethed. 

She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, annoying him further with her nonchalant attitude. “It didn’t move me. Not like…” Now she blushed again and looked away. “Not like when you kissed me.”

And like turning a switch, Sesshomaru’s anger shifted to a burning need.

Then she groaned and slouched against her chair, face upturned to the ceiling as his had been just a few minutes ago. “I don’t want you thinking I’m weird because of ‘my choice in reading material,’” she mimicked his words a week prior.

“BDSM is a lifestyle choice,” he replied neutrally, hiding how her words cut like knives that she’d think there was something wrong with his lifestyle choice. Yes, he was a hypocrite for feeling this way, considering he also thought he was a depraved monster to wish for Kagome beneath him, submitting to him, giving him all the control to see to her pleasure.

“I know,” she replied with a sigh.

Hedging, he asked, “If you did not agree with it, why read about it?”

She sat up so fast, her hair flew around her. “No, I do! It’s just… Maggie, the woman you saw when I left the orphanage to stay with you, said it was…unhealthy and wrong.”

“She was mistaken.”

Kagome blushed again. “How did we get on this topic?”

He chuckled, amused. “Does it matter? If you have questions about anything, including this topic, feel free to ask me. Unlike Maggie, it takes someone with an open mind to discuss such an intimate topic with. Remember, Kagome, you grew up in a Catholic orphanage, so their views are, shall we say, restricted?”

“I don’t think I can do that,” she replied.

“Why not?”

She gave him an exasperated look. “Because it’s embarrassing discussing something like this with you!”

“Would you be more comfortable talking about it with someone else?”

“Maybe,” she hedged.

He thought of an alternative source. “You have a laptop. Research it.” Why was he encouraging her? Sesshomaru forced himself to be truthful with himself. The answer was simple. He wanted her to gain more knowledge, he wanted Kagome to know all about this lifestyle so that one day he could— No. No!

“I have…” she whispered.

It took him a second to fully comprehend what those two, little words implied, but when he did, his cock twitched, and he was forced to place his palm over it, and stroked once. Big mistake. Stifling a groan, he tightened his hand around himself until it hurt. This conversation was getting out of hand. How was he to change the subject to safer topics? In the end, he didn’t have to, for Vicky knocked on the closed door and walked right in with a bright smile. In her hands was a plate with Kagome’s requested sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here you are, honey,” Vicky said, offering Kagome her food and drink.

“Thank you, Vicky. You really didn’t have to go through all the trouble,” Kagome said.

Vicky waved Kagome’s comment away before patting her shoulder. Then she turned to him and asked kindly, “Do you need anything, Sesshomaru?”

He shook his head. “No, but thank you.”

“I’ll leave you two alone then.” With a farewell smile, she turned and left, shutting them alone inside once more.

Sesshomaru watched Kagome take a hearty drink from her glass, saw how her throat moved with each swallow, and swallowed thickly himself. When she lowered the glass, she had a comical milk mustache and he grinned. Seeing it, Kagome stuck her tongue out at him, obviously relaxing now that they were not discussing sex, and wiped her mouth on her wrist, cleaning off the residue milk.

She offered him her plate. “Want some? Vicky cut it in half, so we can share.”

“No, thank you. I have already eaten. Eat.” He waved his hand at her to continue. “You’re probably hungry after a long day at work.”

At his mentioning of her new job, Kagome commenced with regaling him of her night in between taking bites from her sandwich, and praising her coworker, the nurse who had coached her. Though he was not pleased about Kagome having a job, he was glad to see that smile on her face and that she was animated and enjoying herself. As long as she was happy, he was happy.

Fifteen minutes later, she had finished eating and exhausted the topic about her work. Her eyes lowered meaningfully to the book lying innocently on his desk. Then she shifted uncomfortably.

“H-have you finished the book..? Or do you not want to finish it?” she asked tentatively.  

“I have finished reading it,” he replied. Placing his hand on the cover, he leaned forward and slid it across his desk towards her. “You can have it back, if you wish. And I apologize for invading your personal space by going into your room. I’ll not do so again. Not unless you invite me.” He whispered the last. He hadn’t consciously meant to say the words, but now they lay suspended between them.

Then a thought came to him. “Is it merely kink you find interesting or the BDSM lifestyle? I assure you, there is a distinct difference.”

She rolled her eyes at him again, making him want to punish her in pleasurable ways for that small show of defiance. “I know that.”

Still, he pressed, “Then tell me the difference, so I know you know.”

“Do we really need to talk about this?” she groaned more than asked.

He merely stared at her, waiting. Kagome gave in with a huff.

“Kink stays in the bedroom. It’s where you experiment in bed and make things more exciting.” Kagome shifted uncomfortably, but continued. “BDSM is a lifestyle choice. It affects your everyday life not just in the bedroom. Have I gotten that right?”

Sesshomaru nodded and forced himself to speak past the dryness in his throat. “Is it the kink you like or the lifestyle choice that intrigues you?”

Kagome gave him a pained look, but he waited for her to speak, gave her the choice to talk about these things without pushing her. She rubbed her thighs a few times before speaking.

“I like the thought of entrusting myself fully to another, to let him take control, so while kink sounds like a fun way to spice up someone’s sex life, I want to go further than that.”

Before he could think better of it, Sesshomaru murmured, “Come here.”

Kagome blinked and stared at him. “…What?”

“You heard me. Come to me, Kagome.”

Instead, she shrank back against the chair, but though her actions seemed like she was against coming closer, the look in her eyes heated his blood. She was reacting to the command in his voice, but her own uncertainty kept her restrained.

“Why?” she asked, licking her lips.

Her hesitation reminded him that he shouldn’t be doing this. She was his ward and nothing else. And yet, his heart that did not beat, the pulse in his shaft behind his denim, overrode logic. What was the harm in just a taste? Kagome was merely curious about this kinkier side of sex. He wanted to show her that this lifestyle was not just a game. It was real, it was serious, and held many dangers if either partner was not aware of the physical, mental, or emotional abuse it could give a person if not done correctly. He ground his teeth in anger at the thought of her going to another because of her curiosity. He would be the one to make her understand, to teach her.

Sesshomaru tried to tell himself that he was only educating her, showing her that this was not what she truly wanted from a partner, but he knew he was testing her. That dark side of his nature wondered if she would enjoy this side of him. The darkness within him squashed the rational part of his brain.

“Your choice, Kagome,” he murmured, his voice gone raspy with want. “It will always be your choice.”

The seconds ticked by without either one moving. While his breath was suspended, trapped in his lungs, Kagome’s chest rose and fell with her panting. It was arousal not fear that glazed her eyes. Then she moved towards him, sealing her fate. The demon inside Sesshomaru chuckled darkly. Pushing his chair back from his desk, making room for Kagome, he further encouraged her compliance with an outstretched hand—one she took.

She trembled. Showing his approval at her courage, he lifted her hand and kissed her wrist, tasting that fast pulse beneath her flesh.

“Good girl,” he murmured, drawing her between him and his desk.

He drew her closer, encouraging her to straddle his lap and sit on his thighs, putting them at eye level.

“Wrap your arms around my neck,” he instructed.

This time, she did what he asked without hesitation.

“What are we doing, Sesshomaru?” she asked on a husky whisper.

Stroking his left hand up her back, he fisted her hair and pulled back, forcing her to arch her neck back. She gasped. He spoke against her frantic pulse. “What do you think I’m doing?”

She swallowed thickly. Keeping his desire on a tight leash, needing to be in control now more than ever, he moved away from her tempting pulse and licked up her throat and the underside of her chin in one long glide. Then he stared her straight in the eyes. He couldn’t miss the fact that she had gone soft and relaxed in his hold. He couldn’t help but wonder just how far she would let him take things… Best not to think about it.

“Do you want me to kiss you, Kagome?” he asked, letting her control the situation. He needed to know if she was alright with how things were progressing between them. He had to know that she knew she had a choice in anything they did together.

She looked at his lips. “Yes,” she whispered, longing in her voice.

He didn’t ask twice. Instead, using his free hand, he stroked the pads of his fingers along the side of her neck, then he kissed her. It was demanding and deep. He kissed her how he’d dreamed of kissing her, unrestrained, all tongue and teeth; however, when she moaned and began to participate, her tongue in his mouth, his fangs pricked her flesh. The taste of her sweet nectar made him stiffen, awakened a hunger in him he fought to control.

With a gasp, Kagome wrenched her face to the side, and watched as she dabbed at her tongue, her finger coming away with a spot of blood. Wide eyed, she stared at him uncomprehendingly. Though the sight, scent, and taste of her blood threatened to shatter his control, apprehension slithered down his spine at the realization that he’d fucked up.

This was why he couldn’t have her, why he should keep her at arm’s length. He was less than human, a monster.

“Sesshomaru..? What…”

Teeth gritted, he gently but firmly put Kagome back to her feet and stood. He left her standing behind his desk, ignoring her call as he fled.