The Merry and the Miffed by Stella Mira
Friggin' Pelt!
December 2013 Challenge: Cookies
Word Count: 950
"Do not assume foolish notions regarding this one's person, miko. Your haunches are of no interest to this Sesshōmaru," the daiyōkai warned with a rumbling nuance, voice low and golden hues darkened in displeasure.
"H-haunches?" Kagome's jaw fell open in pure shock at the animal term he used to describe her backside. Of all the things to say –
"Your tongue is another matter, however. Cease your absurd accusations lest you lose that offensive appendage," Sesshōmaru continued, his tone carrying an almost palpable frost, not appreciating her brazen insinuation.
"Did you just threaten to cut out my tongue?" the miko exclaimed haughtily, indignation rolling off of her in thick waves. Her eyes narrowed to thin slits but, before she could speak again, two things happened at once. Sesshōmaru threw his heavy pelt at her, the long fur twisting around her neck, nearly suffocating her upon impact, and a loud wail pierced the air, practically deafening her.
"Sesshōmaru-sama! Please don't leave me behind! Sesshōm-" Jaken cried piteously, charging blindly towards them, but stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of the dark haired miko.
"Y-you are Inuyasha's wench!" the green imp screeched, pointing at Kagome with a bony finger, but she was much too absorbed in a vicious duel with the fluffy pelt to even acknowledge him. His pale-yellow eyes became impossibly large when he finally took notice of her predicament.
"How dare you steal my Lord's magnificent pelt!?" he yelled accusingly.
"Alright, that's it!" Kagome managed to bit out, panting heavily and spitting some fur that had inadvertently found its way into her mouth during her struggle.
"First, your lord ogles my butt; then he threatens to remove my tongue, and now you are calling me a thief!?" she spat towards the little yōkai, intoning half the words in her seething rage.
"What despicable lies are you spewing, filthy ningen? As if Sesshōmaru-sama would lower himself to dally with the likes of you!" Jaken retaliated with equal fervor, craning his short neck back to pin her with a wrathful stare.
"Jaken," Sesshōmaru called his name, his utterance slow and meaningful, but the kappa failed to notice the warning hidden in his liege's timbre.
"Not to worry, my lord! I will retrieve your exquisite fur and silence this wretched human immediately!" Jaken vowed with conviction, preparing to activate his fire breathing staff.
"You have the balls to make a scene when you left Rin-chan to freeze to death – unprotected and starved? Bring it on, slime ball!" Kagome shouted, her self-control breaking as her ire finally reached its peak at the imp's proclamation.
"Miko," Sesshōmaru spoke her name this time, voice holding a throaty nuance and exasperation bleeding within his golden depths.
"Stay out of this, Sesshōmaru! Your sidekick has insulted me for the last time!" the miko dismissed him without a moment's hesitation, but the daiyōkai's patience had already been worn too thin by their antics. His leather boot collided with the imp's bulbous head, the force of his mighty kick sending the tiny creature soaring through the sky.
"Nice kick…" Kagome commended after a stagnant pause, thoroughly impressed at the display. The lilting sound of jovial giggles filled the air, reminding them both of the children's presence belatedly.
"If you have calmed then make haste, miko. I do not wish to remain in a ningen village longer than required," the silver haired male commanded in all bluntness, strange heaviness burdening his mind. He would have never thought it possible before, but he was feeling the stirrings of a pounding headache. Being around this female was mentally exhausting, if not unbearable, he mused, suppressing a long suffered sigh.
"Can't you make an exception in the spirit of Christmas and spend some time with your brother?" the miko besought, kneeling to lift Rin in her arms while Shippō climbed on her shoulder with natural nimbleness.
"Half-brother," the daiyōkai corrected mechanically while mulling over her peculiar choice of words.
"I do not know of any spirit named Christmas, but if it plagues your village then I will slay it with Tenseiga as a token for providing Rin with clothing," he then offered, tone implying she should be grateful for this rare favor he was bestowing upon her.
"You – you think you can kill Christmas?" the dark haired woman sputtered, flabbergasted at his unbelievable assumption. A low growl built within his throat as Sesshōmaru mistook her genuine astonishment for a grave insult towards his fighting prowess.
"Riiight… in a way… I guess you can," the miko muttered dryly, deciding not to pursue the matter further, having had enough of vexing confrontations for the day. However, she soon came to change her mind when they reached the village.
"What is that bastard doing here, Kagome?" Inyasha demanded in an angry snarl the minute he saw her company. Then his amber gaze took in her appearance and a furious tick formed in his brow.
"Are you wearing his friggin' pelt!?" he hollered, dumbfounded, but the miko had more urgent matters that required her attentions.
"Inuyasha – please tell me you did not eat Mr. Gingerbread!" Kagome asked in a deceptively calm voice, staring at his lower face intently.
"What craziness are you talking about, woman!? I don't eat humans like that mangy wolf!" the dog eared hanyō reeled back, an expression of peeved confusion blanketing his ragged features, forgetting his hated brother's presence for a moment.
"Don't lie to me – I can see the sticky crumbs all over your face!" the miko snapped, bypassing him quickly to enter the hut and ascertain the truth of the matter.
"You ate Mr. Gingerbread and his house!?" An earsplitting scream erupted not a minute later, making everyone cringe.
"Wha-?"
"Sit!"