Inuyasha Anonymous by Hairann
Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all of it's characters are property of the brilliant Takahashi-sama and I claim no ownership of them. Only the story belongs to me.
AN: Okay this crackfic is for Possessed, thanks for supporting Dokuga :). And I think it's safe to say that this is not only my first, but also my last crackfic. I am now adding crackfics to the list of things I can not write, so now it's up there with songs hehe. Just remember to not take this seriously and you should be okay.
Rating at M for cuss words.
Special thanks to my betas PockyThief, Kiyota and Ethereal Siren.
"Alright, everyone settle down, it's time to begin the meeting. Please take your seats. You there, get your hand away from her butt," a young woman said as she stood in front of the group and waited as they each took their seats. The woman the 'gentleman' had been reaching for, stopped to slap him before taking her seat as well.
"Welcome to Inuyasha anonymous, who would like to begin?" the woman inquired as she glanced around at everyone, most of whose eyes avoided her gaze. "Come on guys, someone has to start. Don't be afraid, no one here will judge you." Even with the assurance, no one raised a hand. "Very well then, I shall pick. You, the pervert in the back, you may start."
His violet eyes quickly darted around the room, most likely searching for an easy exit, before sighing and finally rising from his seat. "My name is Miroku, and I am addicted to woman," he told the others before nodding and sitting back down.
"Hello Miroku," the group greeted as a whole. Just as the young woman was about to begin speaking again, Miroku stood back up.
"Oh, and their legs, butts, breast, lips, short skirts..." Miroku informed the rest of the group as he ticked the points off on his fingers. A few of the men in the group cheered him on while the women merely glared at him. "Oh yes, and getting them to have my child."
"Okay then..." the woman began as she shook her head at Miroku before turning back to the rest of the group. "Who would like to go next?"
"Rin's name is Rin. She's addicted to Sesshoumaru-sama," a young girl cried out happily as she jumped from her seat and smiled over at him. "Rin thinks her Sesshoumaru-sama is the bestest in the whole wide world."
Waiting just long enough for the little girl to retake her seat, a man jumped up, his long, black ponytail bouncing as he went. "My name is Kouga and I am addicted to Kagome. But who can blame me. Those legs, those eyes, her smile. Heck, she can even sense the shards. And she's my woman so keep your hands off," Kouga demanded as he turned to glare at every man in the room.
"Sit down, you idiot," another man insisted as he stood up, not bothering to wait for Kouga to retake his seat. "My name is Inuyasha and I'm addicted to becoming a full demon and my love, Kikyou, who died 50 years ago. Oh, and being the one to kill that bastard Naraku." As he went to sit back down, he paused to glance over at Kouga. "And she's not your woman, you bastard."
"She is too my woman, dog-turd," Kouga insisted as he growled at Inuyasha. A soft 'What about me, Kouga?' could be heard in the back of the room, but he ignored it.
"Sit down and shut up both of you. Baka," another man insisted as he stood and after glaring at the two of them, turned his attention to the front of the room. "I am Naraku," he paused with an evil smirk as most of the room shivered at the mention of his name. "I am addicted to the jewel, taking over the world, Kikyou and killing anything that gets in my way."
"Right," the woman at the front of the group said as she shivered slightly. Turning her attention back to the rest of the group, she decided to get things moving again. "Why don't you, in the back corner, go next?"
"Alright," a woman in the back said as she stood and looked out at the group. "My name is Possessed and I am addicted to Lord Sesshoumaru. I mean who wouldn't be? His fluffy looks so soft, and have you seen his long, silky hair? Or those gorgeous golden eyes? And you know he's got a great body underneath all of that silk. And..."
"Excuse me," the woman up front interrupted holding up a hand. "I'm sorry but this meeting is for Inuyasha members only, not fangirls. You want the 'I'm in love with Sesshoumaru and want to have his baby' group down the hall."
"Oh sorry." Sending a smile in Sesshoumaru's direction, which he took no notice of, Possessed quickly stood and headed out of the room.
"Guess I'm next," a young woman decided as she stood up and addressed the group. "My name is Sango and I am addicted to saving my brother from Naraku's clutches." She retook her seat after sending at glare toward Naraku. But as she sat down, she felt someone caressing her backside and turned to slap Miroku across the face.
"My name is Kikyou and I am addicted to getting my soul back and taking Inuyasha to hell with me so we can be together," another woman said as she stood and glared at Naraku before turning her eyes to Inuyasha.
"My name is Shippo and I'm addicted to Pocky. Kagome always brings me some when ever she comes back from going home and it's really good. Especially the chocolate, that's my favorite," a young boy told the others once Kikyou had retaken her seat and he stood on top of his so he could be see by the others.
"My name is Jaken and I am addicted to serving my Lord, Sesshoumaru-sama," a short man told the others before he, too, retook his seat.
"My name is Ayame and I am addicted to Kouga. Well, it's not so much that I'm addicted to him, but if you promise someone you'll mate with them, it's only right that you do, no?"
"I told you already Ayame, Kagome's my woman," Kouga insisted as he stood back up to glare at her before turning a very sexy smirk in Kagome's direction.
"She's not your woman!" Inuyasha yelled as he jumped to his feet and his hand began reaching for the sword at his waist.
"Alright, everyone calm down. Inuyasha don't even think about drawing that sword and Kouga, do not talk out of turn. Let's move on people. Who's next?"
"My name is Kagura and I am addicted with becoming free like the wind. One day I will no longer be at Naraku's mercy. One day I will have my heart back," a woman vowed as she stood, glared at Naraku and retook her seat.
"Alright, that only leaves you two left. Who wants to go first?" the woman inquired as she turned to glance at the two who had still not stood before the group.
"I am Lord Sesshoumaru and I am addicted to winning all of my battles and proving myself to be even greater than my late father."
"Right and you miss?" she questioned as she turned to the girl sitting next to him.
"I am Kagome and I'm not really addicted to anything."
"Then why are you here?" Kikyou questioned from her seat a few feet away from her.
"It's in the script." Kagome replied with a shrug.
"Try to think, there must be some reason you are here," the woman insisted, ignoring the comment about it being in the script.
"Well, does doing good count? Or helping my friends? Stopping Kikyou from taking Inuyasha to hell since it wasn't his fault she died in the first place? Would those be addictions?" Kagome wondered as she glanced up at the woman.
Before she could answer a loud slap rang out across the room. "Keep your hands to yourself Miroku!" Sango yelled and him before scooting as far over on her chair as she could.
"Naraku reign that miasma back in. Inuyasha, take your hand off of that sword. Miroku, don't even think it, she's already slapped you twice today," the woman up from kept yelling out, but the group seemed to ignore her. "Fine! Meeting over for today. Next week we will break up into groups and try and work on our problems. For now, get out of this room, I have a Ranma anonymous group coming in soon."
Shouts of 'yay' were heard as pretty much everyone began rushing out of the room, leaving trails of smoke behind them. "Are you ready to go home?" Kagome questioned as she walked over to where Sesshoumaru was still seated.
"Let the idiots clear out first," Sesshoumaru instructed as he pulled Kagome down to sit in his lap. "Tell me again why you dragged me to this 'meeting'."
"Like I said before, it was in the script." Kagome replied with a smile.