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Misunderstood Silence by Himura Asami

Misunderstood Silence

Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha.

            Kagome bit her lip, trying to keep her tears at bay, as she lay supine on her bed. She lifted her left hand and stared at her diamond engagement ring. She let out a strangled laugh and dropped her hand, before sitting up.

            “What am I doing?” she whispered to herself pitifully. “What am I doing? I’m marrying a man who hates me!”

            She fell back onto her bed, attempting to calm herself as she thought about her fiancé.

            Sesshomaru Taisho was a wonderful man. He had always been wonderful and Kagome had been in love with him since she transferred to his school in her junior year of high school.

            He had been a senior. The senior. Every single girl wanted him, and every single male was jealous of him. And, while he wasn’t oblivious to it all, he didn’t get caught up in the attention. That’s not to say he wasn’t arrogant; he most definitely was. He just didn’t feel the need to have other people sing his praises. Kagome had loved that about him. She still loved that about him.

            And then, a few weeks before he was going to graduate, he had asked her out. He hadn’t really asked, actually. He had told her to go out with him. She had given him lip for it, and yelled quite a bit, but she had said yes. That had been the happiest day of her life. They had dated for several years, and it had been pure bliss for Kagome. On her twenty-fourth birthday, he had asked her to marry him. Well, he hadn’t asked, really. He had sort of just shoved a ring in her face. She had been stunned, and she was sure she nearly pulled her hair out berating him, but she had said yes. And even though that had been the worst proposal in the history of all proposals, it had been another of the best days of her life.

            But, Kagome had started to notice things after that. She noticed how he never looked at her, and how he always seemed to rush to get out of her presence, and how he rarely answered her questions, and how he never talked to her of his own accord, and how he had never, not once, said that he loved her. She realized that the entire time they were dating, he had acted the exact same way. Completely detached.

            She had started to wonder if he did love her. She had never questioned it before, but she didn’t see how he could love her when he treated her the way that he did. She had then started to wonder why he wanted to marry her. She knew he didn’t love her, so she felt that she had a right to wonder. And wonder she did. She had come up with no answer, and she couldn’t help thinking that maybe the whole thing had been some sort of elaborate, seven-year joke.

            Tears welled up in Kagome’s eyes, and this time, she couldn’t stop them from spilling out. Through her crying eyes, she once more examined her ring.

            She couldn’t do this any more. She couldn’t put herself through this pain. She couldn’t keep wondering. No matter how much she loved him– and she loved him more than anything– she couldn’t continue to subject herself to this relationship. It was tearing her apart. She had stayed, hoping that she could get him to talk to her, but she couldn’t take it anymore.

            His coworkers had been right; he was a cruel, sadistic youkai who didn’t love anyone but himself.

            She had to break of their engagement. She didn’t even know how she had let their relationship get this far.

            Kagome covered her face with both of her hands, trying to muffle her sobs.

 … … …

         Sesshomaru stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom, straightening his already perfectly straight tie.

            Tonight was Friday, and, as always, he had left work early to get ready for his date with his fiancée. He looked over his shoulder at his clock, and a minute scowl appeared on his face. It was only 5:30. He always called her at 5:40, to let her know that he was on his way. It was nearly a twenty minute drive to her house, and he always got there right before six.

            He hated that routine. He always wanted to call her earlier. He always made himself be patient, but he couldn’t help wanting to call her before he was supposed to. He could never wait to hear her voice, or see her, or breathe in her scent, or just be around her.

            He always missed being around her when they weren’t together, and it was always worse in the minutes before he could see her.

            Of course, it wasn’t like being around her was all that great. He always made a fool of himself in front of her.

            He had been making a fool of himself in front of her since his senior year in high school.

            She had been a junior, a transfer student, and the first time he saw her, he had known that he was in love with her, and that he was going to spend the rest of his excruciatingly long life with her. After that abrupt realization, he could never be in the same room with her without doing something stupid. She never noticed, he was sure, because it was only small things, but to him, it was mortifying.

            Sometimes his step faltered, and sometimes he nearly ran into walls, and sometimes he dropped things, and his heart rate was always faster when she was around, and he had even cut himself with his own claws once, just because she had smiled at him. It was terribly embarrassing, but, apparently, quite normal for a male his age to be nervous around the girl he liked. At least, that was what his father had once told him.

            A few weeks before graduation, he asked her out. He knew that he couldn’t wait. If he left without asking her out, he was sure someone else would end up doing it.

            So he had asked her.

            He hadn’t really been conscious when he had asked, but he knew he had said something stupid, because she had started yelling at him. He had been so sure that he had ruined everything, but she had said yes.

            He had walked away afterwards, his mind blank, nearly unable to comprehend what had happened.

            After that, they had started dating, and his nervousness morphed from doing small, but humiliating things, to being unable to speak to her at all. He had always been taciturn, but it was really ridiculous the way he couldn’t talk to her. By now, he was sure he could, but he never wanted to chance saying something stupid, something that he couldn’t take back. And he was sure he would say something stupid. His mind was always fuzzy whenever he tried to talk to her, and that was just a disaster waiting to happen.

            Obviously, not speaking was good for their relationship. After all, they had been together for seven years, and she had even accepted his proposal a few months ago. He had been nervous when she had started yelling, but she had said yes, and that was all that mattered to him.

            Fiddling with his tie once more, Sesshomaru looked at the clock.

            It had only been five minutes.

            He growled to himself, and inwardly debated calling her early.

            He didn’t know if she would think it was odd if he called her now. He always called her at 5:40, and calling her at 5:35 might make her think he was weird, or desperate.  Did fiancées think their fiancés were desperate if they called earlier than they usually did?

            He furrowed his brow, unsure, and one more looked at the clock. After observing how slow time was moving, he reached for the phone inside of his jacket pocket.

            Nothing too bad could happen from calling early.

… … …

            Kagome tugged at the hem of her skirt and glanced at Sesshomaru who was sitting across from her. He was stiff, as always, and he had been completely silent except for the random monosyllabic sounds that he had hummed out on occasions when she had asked a question.

            She cleared her throat. “The food is good. What made you choose this restaurant again?”

            “Hnn.”

            Kagome placed both of her hands in her lap and clasped them together. She didn’t want to break off the engagement. She wanted to try to get him to respond. She was clinging to a shred of hope that he didn’t really hate her; that he wasn’t playing with her; that maybe the only reason he didn’t talk to her was because he really didn’t have anything to say. After all, why would someone like him bother to string her along for seven whole years? The part of her that kept saying those things was growing quieter and quieter as the night wore on, though. Sesshomaru’s unresponsiveness was corroding away her hope.

            “Well, um, how was work?”

            “Hn.”

            Kagome balled her fists.

            “I was thinking that maybe we could go and visit this wedding planner. My mother suggested her. She’s supposed to be brilliant.”

            “Hn.”

            Kagome lowered her head, and her bangs covered her eyes.

            “Do you think you’ll come?”

            “Hn.”

            And with that, Kagome knew she had to do it. She couldn’t take it anymore.

            Slowly, reluctantly, she twisted her engagement ring off of her finger. She held it briefly, before standing and setting it on the table in front of Sesshomaru.

            “I’m sorry, Sesshomaru, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t let you do this to me anymore.”

            With that said, she turned around and walked away from the table, not daring to look back. She exited the restaurant and took a deep breath, standing off to the side. She placed her hand over her mouth, stifling her sobs, and she waited.

            She waited one minute, then two, three, five, ten. She waited, and he didn’t come out. He didn’t come after her.

            She broke down, and fled in the direction of her house, crying all the way.

… … …

            Sesshomaru sat in his study, his fingers interlaced.

            He had cloistered himself in the room since the incident three days ago. He hadn’t left the room, or slept, or eaten anything since then. He had been doing all of his work from home, and he hadn’t taken a single call, or a single visitor.

            Instead, he had been staring at the engagement ring he had given Kagome, the ring she had given back to him, and analyzing the words she had said.

            She hadn’t been making any sense. He didn’t understand what she had meant when she had said what she did, no matter how many times he went over it in his head. None of it made sense.

            He had come to the conclusion that the reason she had broken their engagement was because of the call. He had called entirely too early. Only five minutes, but five minutes was a lot of time. She must have been disgusted with him for being so desperate and needy and impatient, so she had broke it off.

            He nodded to himself, not paying attention the voice inside of him that said he was being completely illogical. If he was being honest, he was always illogical when it came to her. And his father had once told him that all women were illogical, so, really, he had no choice but to think the way he was thinking and come up with the answer he currently had.

            If he was right, and he was sure he was, then she had broken off the engagement because of his impulsive behavior on Friday. All he needed to do was apologize and promise not to call her early again, and then everything would be fine. It would be a little awkward, but they would get over it and things would go back to normal, and he wouldn’t mess up again.

            He nodded to himself; sure he had identified the problem and the solution.

            He stood from his seat and grabbed the ring lying on his desk.

            It was ten o’clock and he needed to get ready. He needed to take a shower and eat something and get a gift. Flowers would be good.

            He nodded to himself again. He wasn’t going to mess this up.

            He would swallow his nervousness and give her the apology she deserved. Along with the flowers.

            And her ring. He couldn’t forget her ring.

… … …

            Kagome was jolted awake by the sound of her doorbell ringing. She flailed about a bit, still half asleep, and proceeded to fall off of her bed in a tangle of comforters and sheets.

            Kagome groaned when she hit the floor and then sat up slowly, rubbing various parts of her body, sure that bruises were already forming.

            She heard a knock on the door and frowned.

            “Who in the world is at my door at-“ she paused and looked at the clock on her nightstand. “At twelve o’clock at night?!”

            She grumbled angrily to herself, muttering nonsense as she stood to her feet. She walked to her bathroom door and grabbed her robe, which was hanging off of a hook. She wrapped it around her body and opened her bedroom door, before stomping down the stairs, hoping that whoever was on the other side of her front door was a youkai and could hear her displeasure through her footsteps.

            She got to her door and opened it angrily, prepared to tell off whoever was on the other side. When she saw whom it was, however, her words died in her throat.

            “Wh-what-“ she never got a chance to finish her sentence.

            A bouquet of white lilies was thrust into her face. She stumbled back a bit, before lifting her hands to push down the flowers.

            “Sesshomaru, what are you doing here?”

            She looked at him, waiting for an explanation as to why her ex-fiancé was standing on her doorstep at midnight.

            “I have come to apologize for my behavior on Friday.”

            Kagome stared with her mouth agape; thoroughly convinced that she was dreaming.

            After all, there was no way Sesshomaru Taisho had just apologized to her using more words than she had ever heard him speak at one time. And possibly more words than she had ever heard him speak period. There was just no way.

            “Huh?” she choked out, upon seeing his obviously expectant face.

            “I am asking you to forgive me. I should not have called you earlier than you had expected me to.”

            She blinked. That was a reestablishment of his earlier apology and a whole lot of words, and she had absolutely no idea what he meant by it.

            “Sesshomaru,” she began, “what are you talking about?”

            He stared at her. “You broke off our engagement because I called you earlier than planned. I am apologizing. And I brought flowers,” he said, adding on the last part and pushing the flowers back into her face.

            She coughed as some of the blossoms entered her still open mouth and pulled back.

            “Hold on a second,” she said, once she had recovered her bearings. “You think that I broke off our engagement because you called me earlier than you usually do?”

            He nodded sharply.

            She shook her head. “Sesshomaru, no. That’s not it. That’s not why I ended our engagement. I ended it because I couldn’t take it anymore.”

            She could feel her tears welling up in her eyes, but she pushed them back and continued.

            “I couldn’t marry you, Sesshomaru. I wanted to, I did, but I couldn’t. I was so blind. For the past seven years I’ve been so, so blind. But I finally realized that I couldn’t marry you if I wanted to be happy. You never talk to me. You won’t even look me in the eye, and sometimes I think that you hate me! I couldn’t put myself through that anymore. I don’t know why you stayed with me and I don’t know why you’re here now, but I know I want you to leave. You may not have known it, or maybe you did, but either way, you’ve put me through enough pain by playing with me and I didn’t deserve it. I don’t. So, just go, and please, don’t come back.”

            With that said, Kagome pushed the flowers he was still offering up to her away, shut the door in his face, and ran upstairs to her room.

            She waited until she was buried under the covers to let her tears out.

… … …

            Four nights after his apology to Kagome, and her explanation, he was back at her doorstep.

            He was more nervous than ever, and feeling very guilty.

            When he had tried to apologize, he had expected some yelling, but he hadn’t expected the teary-eyed monologue she had given. It had struck him to the core and completely immobilized him. What she had said was-

            He couldn’t even think about what she had said.

            He had never known she had felt that way. Like he was playing with her. To him, it was the most ludicrous suggestion in the world. He could hardly comprehend it.

            He had spent the last four days wallowing in his guilt over making her feel that way. But he had recovered.

            Now he was at her house again, earlier this time, at 10:00, and ready to apologize for what he had actually done wrong. He was prepared to tell her he would try to do better when it came to talking to her. He would do anything; even overcome his seemingly unbeatable nervousness, if she would just take him back. He had already proved that, he was sure. After all, when he had come to her before, he had completely ignored how nervous he was and apologized. He could do that.

            He would talk to her constantly if she really wanted him to.

            Well, maybe not constantly, but he would talk to her.

            In fact he was going to talk to her now, to apologize again.

            Gulping silently, he rang her doorbell and then knocked once for good measure. And then, he waited.

            He clenched his fists, and then blinked, before clenching them again.

            He felt like tearing his head off.

            He had forgotten to get a gift. He needed to get a gift!

            He didn’t have flowers or anything. He had her ring, but it was hers, so that didn’t count as a gift.

            Before he had time to panic more thoroughly, an annoyed-looking, pajama-clad Kagome opened the door.

            Her annoyance turned to fury, and before Sesshomaru could get a word out, she was yelling.

            “What in the world are you back here for? I don’t know why you came but you should leave. I already told you that I didn’t want to see you. I’m not sure if your pride or something is hurt because I figured out that you were just playing with me before you could tell me yourself, but I don’t care. I figured out you didn’t love me before you could break my heart yourself and you’re going to have to deal with it! So why don’t you go and find some other girl to string along for however many years and then break her heart, because I’m not falling for any of your tricks with your apologies and your stupid flowers. Just leave me alone!”

            When she finished her rant, she slammed the door on Sesshomaru for the second time, leaving him to stare at her door.

            And stare he did.

            He stayed there staring at the door, for a long time. An hour had passed before he moved to go home. When he did move, it was a mechanical, mindless sort of movement. Inside of his head, he thought about what she had just said, and what she had said before, and what she had said on their last date, and those were the only thoughts to pass through his head.

            He was completely numb.

… … …

                        Kagome sat on her couch, wringing her hands nervously. It had only been a month since she had broken off her engagement with Sesshomaru, and her friends had convinced her that it was absolutely necessary for her to start dating again.

            She hadn’t wanted to, but they had given her no choice and had set her up on a blind date against her will.

            In truth, she could have turned down the date, but inwardly, she knew that she needed to move on from Sesshomaru, and going on a date was the perfect way to do that.

            She sighed and stood, tugging at the hem of her knee-length blue dress. She knew that she needed to move on from Sesshomaru, but she really didn’t want to go on this date.

            Her doorbell rang, startling her out of her thoughts.

            She looked at the clock. It was only 7:30. Her date wasn’t supposed to show up until eight. Maybe she could cancel the date because he came early.

            She laughed humorlessly at the reminder of the first time Sesshomaru had come to her door in the middle of the night.

            There was a knock and she shook her head to clear her thoughts.

            “I’m coming!” She called.

            She walked to the front door and opened it up, before closing it just as quickly. A hand stopped her from pushing the door completely close.

            Her face flushed red as she yanked the door open. She had no idea what he was doing back, but she was going to make sure that he left her alone once and for all.

            “Sesshomaru,” she said angrily.

He was on her doorstep holding his large black umbrella firmly in his hand. It was raining heavily and she couldn’t help but wish the wind would blow away his umbrella, leaving him to be drenched by the onslaught, because she certainly wasn’t going to let him in. In fact, she would enjoy watching him get soaked. She was sure of it.

            Her ex-fiancé cleared his throat.

She pursed her lips and looked at his face, ready to yell at him after having redirected her thoughts. She opened her mouth, but closed it just as quickly. There was something about his face. Something different. She couldn’t place it, but it made her hesitate long enough for him to speak.

            “You are going somewhere,” he stated.

            She almost thought she saw him wince, but she pushed the thought away and nodded in affirmation.

            “Yes.”

            “Where?”

            Her cheeks puffed out in anger. “I don’t see how it’s any of your business, but I’m going out on a date. So, there.”

            He stared at her for a long time, before nodding and turning away.

            “I apologize for bothering you.”

            He walked away, and Kagome closed the door.

            She bit her lip and frowned.

            After she had given her answer, his face had hardened. She wondered briefly if he was upset because she was moving on and his game was really over, but for some reason, she didn’t think that was the case. She remembered the look on his face when she had first opened the door, and she made her decision.

            She opened the door and ran out, wobbling slightly in her high heels. She was wet through and through in less than five seconds.

            “Sesshomaru!” she called out to him.

            He was already halfway down the steps, but he stopped at her call.

            He didn’t turn around to face her, and Kagome couldn’t help feeling nervous.

            What was she doing, calling out to him? She should have stayed in her house and waited for her date. She should go back inside right now. It was raining and she was going to have to take a shower and change her clothes, all in less than thirty minutes, and she would probably catch a cold on top of it all.

            But, instead of walking back inside, she took a step forward, and she kept walking until she got to the top of the stairs. She looked down at him.

            “Sesshomaru,” she said again, softer this time, her voice timid, hesitant. “What did you come to say?”

            He didn’t turn around, but he answered her.

            “I came to apologize. It was not my intention to make you feel the way you did. I was unable to speak to you because I was… nervous.”

            Kagome gawked at his back. The idea of him being nervous was preposterous.

            Sesshomaru continued. “I also came to tell you that I never played with you, as you seem to think I had. I… loved you, and I still do. I will leave you now though. Forgive me for hurting you.”

            Kagome stared after him as he began walking, her mind completely blank.

            She couldn’t believe it.

            He had just said…

            “Sesshomaru, wait!” she called out, stopping him once more.

            This time he turned to look at her, and it was all she could do to keep from sobbing right then and there. As it was, she knew tears were already running down her face, mixing with the rain.

            “Do you mean it?” she asked, looking down at him. “Do you really love me?”

            He gave a short nod.

            Kagome let out a strangled cry and fell to her knees. She let her head drop into her hands, and she broke down crying.

            She knew she was being dramatic, but she couldn’t help it. Sesshomaru had just said he loved her. She couldn’t believe it.

            Suddenly, she felt a hand on her back. Her head shot up, and she saw Sesshomaru kneeling on the ground next to her. He had dropped his umbrella, and he was just as soaked as she was, but he didn’t seem to mind.

            He looked at her steadily. “You are crying.”

            Kagome chocked out a laugh in between her sobs. “I can’t help it. You’ve never said that to me before.”

            “I do love you,” he said quietly, causing Kagome’s shoulders to shake as another set of sobs wracked through her body.

            Kagome shook her head. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She just, couldn’t believe this.

            Abruptly, Sesshomaru shoved a ring into her face. She noticed that it wasn’t just a ring. It was the engagement ring. The one he had given to her. The one she had given back to him.

            “Marry me,” he said.

            She laughed shakily, and raised her trembling hand to take the ring and slip it onto the appropriate finger.

            “You know,” she said through her tears, “that’s two more words than last time.”

            “And much less yelling,” Sesshomaru commented.

            Kagome began laughing again, and she leaned forward and wrapped her hands around Sesshomaru.

            He returned her hug, and they sat there, in the rain, on the ground.

            Kagome was crying and laughing, and Sesshomaru was holding her.

            When Kagome’s tears subsided and her laughter dulled, Sesshomaru spoke.

            “Perhaps,” he started, “it would be best to go inside. You still have to call off your date.”

            “Oh my gosh!” Kagome moaned pulling away from Sesshomaru slightly. “Oh. What am I going to say?”

            She sat there silently with Sesshomaru watching her, before throwing her head back and laughing.

            They stayed like that until Kagome stopped laughing. Then, they stood up.

            “Why don’t you come inside?” she asked.

            Sesshomaru nodded silently.

            Kagome smiled as she led him to her house.

            She knew that any other time she would be tearing her hair out because of his inability to simply say “yes.”

            But, she loved him, and he loved her, so she would let it go.

            This time.

Oh no!

They left the umbrella outside!

Poor, poor umbrella-chan.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it.

T.N.T!

           

           

            

 

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