How We Grow by Lisa
Chapter 3
Sesshomaru watched Jaken pack Shippou and Rin’s bags. He made a one month tour of his kingdom twice a year. During this time it had become routine for him to drop the children off with Sango and Miroku. The two were descent as far as humans went. He had agreed to provide funds and land in order for them to rebuild the youkai slayers. They had their uses, after all. He couldn’t run around taking care of every hanyou and lesser youkai with delusions of standing. Sango’s people had been an effective police force and deterrent. He was more than willing to help rebuild that. Jaken finished with the bag and beamed at his master.
“All is in readiness, Sesshomaru-sama, though there will not be enough if you bring the miko.”
“I do not plan to bring the miko.”
Jaken feigned shock. “But she has not been parted from the children since she arrived. And the houshi and slayer are her friends. I thought she would want to see them.”
“I have not informed her I am leaving.”
“But…the children are her life.”
Sesshomaru glared at Jaken before turning and walking from the room. Jaken smiled in satisfaction. Kagome was a good woman, kind and dutiful. She tended to all the men and women in the palace, and Jaken suspected she cared about Sesshomaru as well. As for his Lord, Sesshomaru rarely looked twice at females, but he had made her a welcome guest in his home and made sure she had all she desired. Jaken wasn’t sure if anything would come of it, but it was worth a try.
Sesshomaru did not knock as he entered Kagome’s chambers. She looked up from her writing desk. More furniture had been added to her room since she had come with him three weeks ago. There was a sword rack, as well as several bows and two full quivers, one with longer arrows required of her great bow, and the other with shorter arrows for her composite bow. A chest with armor in it had also been added and a set of shelves that was rapidly being filled. She smiled at him over her work.
“How can I help you Sesshomaru-sama?”
“I am taking the children to see Sango and Miroku. Then I will make a tour of my kingdom.”
“Am I permitted to come? I would enjoy seeing my friends.”
“Of course.”
“When do we leave?”
“In the morning.”
“Thank you. I will be prepared.”
The next morning, Kagome was already waiting with AhUn when Sesshomaru emerged with the children. She was wearing her armor, with two swords in her belt, a quiver on her back, and her great bow already strung in her hand. She was scratching Ah on the head and talking softly with Jaken. She laughed softly and smiled. He couldn’t help but wonder what Jaken was saying to garner that response. It was the first time she had smiled so freely. Sesshomaru lifted the children on to AhUn’s back. Silently they filed out of the gates. Kagome waved to the Captain of the Guard as she passed and he saluted her with his naked sword. When had he come to respect her so? Ichiro, Commander of the Northern Army, also threw her a wave and she smiled as they passed through the gate in the wall. He leaned on the crenellations and watched them leave. Sesshomaru could sense his eyes on Kagome until they were out sight.
The children were exuberant as usual. No matter how many times they made this trip, they were always excited. Kagome kept them in line far better than Jaken did. He would leave her with them when they got to the village. With Sango so close to delivering, it was unwise to put so much responsibility on her. They made camp and she got the children to sleep quickly. Jaken wandered off, scouting out the next camp site. He was actually capable of moving quite fast when he wanted.
“Where will you go after the village?”
“I tour my lands, speak with the Lords, deal with trouble, whatever I need to do.”
“May I come with you?”
“The children remain in the village.”
She looked into the fire for a long moment. “What is the point of having a skill if it is not used?”
“What skill is that?”
“My weapons, my healing, and even my ability to teach. I work with the children, but there are people out there that need me. I cannot and will not turn away from that because it is convenient, and I will not let you leave me with Sango and Miroku because you don’t think you need me. There are others beyond you and your Lords. When I traveled with Inuyasha, I did a great deal of good. I’d like to do that again.”
“You have thought about this for a long time.”
“Ever since you told me we were leaving.”
“It means so much to you, I do not think I could deny you.”
“Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama.”
“I will have to leave you in the villages sometimes. The youkai Lords will take the presence of a miko as an attack.”
“I understand.”
He watched her and she curled up on the ground next to the children. Her armor was gone, but her swords and bow were within reach. He’d watched her grow into her powers with Inuyasha, but the weapons were new. Her prowess with the bow was mediocre at best and he had never seen her pick up a sword before. In the bout he had witnessed, she’d shown she was skilled as well as smart. He wondered how she would fair against him. If she used her powers, she might be able to hold her own. Perhaps he would have the opportunity to find out.
Sesshomaru had realized that her reunion with her comrades would be emotional. He’d assumed she would want to stay for a day at least, but to his surprise, she’d accomplished her reunion and goodbye in under two hours. Sango and Miroku were joyful, but understanding. Her duty came before anything else in her life, and right now, she told them, it was her duty to serve Sesshomaru and protect his kingdom. They were back on the road before evening. Kagome traveled in silence, something Sesshomaru appreciated. Meaningless conversation annoyed him. They made camp and Jaken headed out to scout the area around them.
“You have been quiet all day. When you were with Inuyasha, you were not so.”
Kagome almost jumped when he started talking. She smiled into the fire, staring at the rabbits, waiting for it to cook.
“I’ve learned to keep the inane stuff to myself. Besides, after some of the things Inuyasha said to me, I thought it wise to censure my thoughts before putting them into words.”
Sesshomaru nodded slowly. “What did he say?”
“Anything and everything that came to mind.”
He could scent the beginnings of tears and watched as she swallowed hard, forcing them back. He decided to let her evasion stand. She looked over at him, obviously waiting for him to ask, but he didn’t. Her gaze returned to the fire.
“I think I would like to tell you what he said. I don’t know why, but I get the sense I would feel better afterward.”
He nodded slightly. “Sometimes speaking of such things can help with healing. I know that burying it does you no good.”
She fixed her eyes on the fire. “We’d finished the jewel. I was staying for a few days, just trying to decide what to do. If I left without the jewel, I couldn’t come back. I didn’t want to leave Shippou…”
Tears touched her eyes and he watched as she brushed them away. “The boy is like a son to you.”
“Yes. I love him…I can’t imagine leaving him. Inuyasha took me out into forest. Kikyou was waiting for us. They took the jewel from me and Inuyasha forced me through the well. He told me that I was nothing, a cheap copy not worth the air I breathed. He told me he didn’t love me that everyone here was just pretending to get what they wanted. He…hit me. I tried to fight him and he hit me.”
“And then you were trapped on the other side.”
“I started taking lessons on fighting. I didn’t want anyone to be able to hurt me again. Most of my teachers thought I was a prodigy.”
“Your powers aided you.”
She nodded. “I threw myself into it. It didn’t hurt as bad in here,” she touched her chest, “when the rest of me was in pain. So I never rested. I tore muscles, broke bones, pinched nerves, but I never allowed myself to stop.”
“When I came for you, you were not that way.”
“No. I had a good teacher. He saw what I was doing to myself, and he guessed at the reasons. So one day he cleared the school and asked me to picture him as the person who hurt me. He let me kill Inuyasha again and again without actually having to face him. After a while, the anger left me, for the most part anyway.”
“He did you a great service.”
“I probably would have ended up…doing something rash and stupid if he hadn’t.”
“What do you mean?”
He asked it, but part him already knew what she was going to say. There was something about her that was innately fragile. He sensed that, though she seemed whole now, it would not take much to break her. The difference was she would not allow anyone close enough ever again.
“To take your life at the command or in service to your Lord is an honorable thing, but I would have done it for selfish and foolish reasons. My honor was still clean, my virtue unstained, yet I still desired to take my sword in my hand, and bring an end to my existence.”
“I am glad you did not.”
“Right, the balance of magic.”
He wanted to say more, but he stopped. Something inside him would not allow him to admit out loud that he was fond of her. That he would miss her if she died. He thought it, but he could not say it to her. Then the moment to speak was gone. He watched as she removed their dinner from the fire. Silence used to be his ally, but now it weighed upon him, pressing the air from his lungs, heating his skin. How did she always manage to change everything?