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Confessions by Chie

Confessions

Confessions

by Chiera

I started writing this to you, even knowing I'd probably never finish this. Knowing you wouldn't probably never even read this. But no, it does not matter. Everything's come to an end. My friends will never know what happened to me... How I was attacked... I feel a warm little stream of blood fleeing my body.

Inuyasha failed to protect me. Now he can freely be with his true love. You might wonder why I don't feel bitter after the way he has treated me, tossing me constantly aside for her sake. I don't love him anymore in that way. Now I love him as he would be my older brother.

I once loved him. Loved him with all my heart, loved him so much it caused me pain. And all the time I knew. In my eyes he only saw Kikyo. She was the one who was holding his heart. I loved him... I loved him so much that I let him go.

And then my heart chose another one. Yes, my heart chose you. I know this new love is even more painful, even more impossible than my love for Inuyasha. You won't care about my feelings. Even though Inuyasha loved someone else, unlike you, he at least was able to love. You're so cold and withdrawn. I doubt you'd be able to feel love.. Love is a human feeling..

I dream of sitting in your lap, leaning my back against your broad chest, your strong arm wrapped around my body. I know it's silly and stupid, not to mention impossible. You'd feel disgusted of touching me, yet alone touching me in such an intense way. I feel sad, desperate, pained. I know my dream will never come true. And yet my dream fills me with warmth, it makes my heart run and it makes me smile.

If you would ever find out, I suppose you'd even hate me more. You'd despise me, a lowly pitiful human, feeling so strongly for you. I know I'm not worth you. I never said I would be. I'm so imperfect. It would never be the way I dream. I'm not that stupid that I would actually believe so. But I can't help my heart. I can't help my feelings. I've tried to fight back, God knows I have! But fighting against my heart is no use. It's such a stubborn one. So I go on, loving you with all my heart. Loving your broad shoulders. Loving your silver hair and amber eyes. Loving your profile, your withdrawn character. So many times I have pointed my arrow at you. So many times your claws have brushed against my skin, wanting to tear me into pieces. We're enemies. And I dream of being your lover.

You might have been wandering my odd behaviour, when we met last time. Why I was standing there, rooted to my spot and staring at you, knowing I should aim my arrow at you, but knowing I couldn't lift up my hands. I couldn't bring myself to shooting an arrow at you, even when I knew such a petty thing would not harm you much. I was torn between my duty and my love.

My love was stronger.

I feel nothing. My hand still continues writing this. It has to. I feel the power leaving my body. I will not last for much longer. I will leave this world behind. It doesn't make me sad. What saddens me, is the fact that I will leave you behind. Ridiculous, isn't it? I'm sad to leave you behind, knowing you'd never answer to my feelings, only despise them.. Knowing it would never happen and it would just cause me more pain. One can not control one's feelings.

It's peculiar, isn't it?

I feel my time coming closer to me. Good bye, my love... Good bye, Sesshoumaru...

The taiyoukai of the western lands was wandering, like he always was. It was a pure coincidence - or maybe fate - that he found himself standing on the edge of that précis clearing. The thick smell of blood curled in his nostrils. There was a woman lying ahead. Out of interest, he walked over.

It was the miko.

Seriously wounded, already dead. Her tiny hand was holding tightly a piece of paper. He kneeled next to her. Carefully he unfolded her fingers, pulling the paper she was clinging to, to himself. He read it through.

The simple letter stirred something from inside him. There had been a creature who had sincerely cared for him, for the sake of himself? A creature who had fallen in love with him, even though the distance he was keeping to everyone. Even though his withdraw person.

He brushed her cheek with his long cold finger. She was still a little warm. And dead.

Tenseiga pulsed.

He could revive her.

But would he do that? Why would he do that? Like she had said, living on would only caused her more pain, because he would never answer to her feelings.

But what, if he would? What if Sesshoumaru would learn he too would be able to love? Able to love this human, who had died, loving him.

Sesshoumaru drew out Tenseiga.

Kagome gasped for air. She was confused, what was going on? She remembered writing a letter. She remembered dying. Why was she now inhaling again? Was this the afterlife?

Her eyelids fluttered and she opened her eyes.

Amber eyes were what met her shocked gaze. Amber eyes, which were intently staring at her deep blue ones. She felt as if he would have seen all the way into the darkest corner of her soul.

She gasped again.

He opened his mouth to speak, still not letting his eyes to leave hers.

"You were incorrect."

 

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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