The Color of Love by MissTeak

The Color of Love

I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters.

A/N: This is an old story of mine written back in 2007, and was posted on fanfiction.net. I am finding it hard to believe that I've been around in this fandom since my first story Ochaken, which had been posted on 20th April 2006. Some of you might have read this before, and I am just posting it here to share it with all the other Sess/Kag fans. I hope you like it.

The Color of Love

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

Everything began so simply, just like any other fairy tale.

Higurashi Kagome was just a simple school girl at the age of sixteen, involved in the compulsory four-month long community work project. It was to be done at the society for the blind, where every student had to take care of a visually-handicapped patient and aid them in adapting to moving around safely on their own.

Initially, she never really had any interest in things of this sort. School was somewhere to have fun, to study and to make friends, not do charity. It wasn't that she lacked a good heart; it was just that it never crossed her mind as something she would do.

But since it was to be done, she would give it her all. This was her character, and there was no reason not to give herself an opportunity to learn more about social work in Japan.

She went with an open heart, and that was when she met him. He was her charge, assigned to her simply because she happened to be standing right next to him.

Takamori Sesshoumaru was twenty, cold and somewhat bitter about the fact that he was born blind. He gave her the impression that he hated life itself, and hated everything that came along with it. Maybe he thought life had been unfair to him.

If he was a color, there was without a doubt, she thought, that he would be gray.

Not white, despite him looking so unbelievably pristine and perfect.

Not black, despite him being so cynical and dark on the interior.

Gray, because he was so close to perfection and so close to imperfection at the very same time.

He had been blessed with perfect features, appearance and poise. But it was perhaps of this uncanny perfection that the gods chose to take away something precious from him to balance out the perfection they placed in this being.

For in those eyes, was a sightless world.

She also learned that he was born blind.

What a horrible thing that was! To be unable to enjoy the beautiful sights of the world, to see one's loved ones and look at oneself.

Introductions had been brief, and awkward for it was the first time she was introduced to a person who could not see her as she could see him. It made her think, how could she possibly get him to identify her, without having to re-introduce herself every time she came over.

It was then when it all began, and the two were left to walk around the neighborhood on their own.

Holding his left hand in hers, Kagome walked by his side, talking about all sorts of things she could think of with him, while he responded with silence and an occasional nod.

Walking together slowly on the streets, she grew accustomed to hearing his slower footsteps shuffle after the rhythmic tapping of the cane against the concrete pavement. She would point out to him ways to identify various streets by the smells of the shops and the type of pavement.

And then, she said something wrong.

"There! You can easily spot this place from afar…see that bright red gateway?"

He stopped in his footsteps, and replied in his deep baritone voice.

"I cannot see it."

Her mind went blank with the sudden realization at how insensitive her words had been. Again, Kagome, she admonished herself. Your big mouth never fails to get you into trouble.

"I…I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru…I really didn't mean-"

"It's alright," He interrupted before she could complete her sentence. "I'm not angry. It is the truth that I am unable to see the colors in the world I live in."

With that, he continued ahead without her. Tap, tap, went the cane against the pavement.

She looked at his retreating back. He was of a tall, broad build, yet he looked so helpless and forlorn to her at the same time.

It was as if her heart was a lyre, and someone plucked the strings to cry out for him.

"Takamori Sesshoumaru!" She shouted from where she was, causing him to come to a halt once again. "Who says you cannot see the colors?"

He turned his head so that he was facing her, before she hurriedly ran over to stand by his side,

"What are you talking about?" He asked, his voice void of emotions except for a trace of exasperation. He was already accustomed to his world of darkness, and it felt annoying to have someone talk about him seeing colors.

"If you want to see the colors, I'll show you." She said determinedly.

He did not reply, but instead, side stepped her to continue walking down the street.

"Wait up!" She called out, catching up with him easily.

"What do you have to say? You should know that I am blind." He replied curtly.

"Precisely. That's why I want to-"

"I don't require sympathy, if that's what you are thinking of."

"No. I will not sympathize with you. Can you let me finish my sentence?" She was getting a little irritated with his attitude towards her.

He didn't reply, and she took it as a cue to go on.

"I will show them to you, Sesshoumaru. Not with here," She placed her palms over his eyes, before touching his ears and finally, placing her hand over his chest. "But here, and here."

He looked surprised, for those dull eyes widened by a fraction.

"If only you would listen to me, I'll tell you all I know." She explained patiently. "If only you would feel with me, then you will know the colors like anyone else."

He inclined his head towards her slightly, before nodding in agreement.

Like any other fairy tale, theirs had a turning point. This was the point at which things took a turn.

So every three days she would make a trip down to the visually-handicapped association center, helping him with the daily routines and talking to him. He opened up to the point of carrying out short conversations with her, and it wasn't long before she felt that her visiting hours were too short.

Somehow she just wanted to stay by his side more. But she accounted that to her professionalism as a young social worker, for she dearly wished to tell him all he missed out on due to the lack of sight.

She told him, the color red was the color of passion, anger and danger. It was something you could get close to, and yet should avoid at times. Red could be spicy like chili, or sweet like tomatoes and strawberries. It goes well with black or white, she added.

"So, it draws people to it, and makes people shun it?" He asked.

"You can say that." She smiled at him, despite knowing full well he could not see her smile.

"Interesting." That was all he said, a small smile gracing his lips.

"Oh, and when you get angry, do you feel this heat rise in you?" She asked.

He nodded.

"That's what red feels like sometimes."

She told him about all the other colors she could think of, trying as hard as she could to let him know everything he could about the colors.

Week after week, she would tell him so many things he never knew about. She was a refreshing breath of air to his miserable life of darkness, and if he could say, it was as good as seeing colors on his own with her guidance.

He also learned to identify her by her scent, her footsteps and her presence. Normally, he wouldn't be able to with others, but for her case, he put in extra effort in committing her details to his memory.

He had grown so used to her presence, and from what he could gather from her descriptions of the colors to him, he silently decided that she was the vibrant yellow in his black life palette.

It was three months since he knew her. He was getting increasingly adept at moving around on his own, but he would feign ignorance sometimes, deliberately making mistakes. Anything, as long as it would keep her with him for a longer time.

"The color of jealousy is green, for it so resembles a lime, green and sour." She told him as they sat together on the bench at the nearby park. "You have tasted a lime, haven't you?"

"Yes. It is sour, to the extent of being bitter at times." He replied.

"Hmm." She affirmed. "But green can be breathtakingly beautiful too. Can you smell the fresh scent of the grass, and of the trees around us?"

"Yes. Are they green as well?" He asked, inhaling the clean fresh fragrance of nature itself.

"You're right, that's how beautiful it can be. Refreshing, relaxing and soothing." She explained, placing her hand over his. "It makes you feel at peace with yourself."

He nodded, and the two of them sat in companionable silence.

Having her by his side, in such close proximity, brought about a myriad of dazzling colors in his mind.

It was everything like she had described so far.

Red, the color of passion.

Yellow, the color of vibrancy.

Pink, the color of sweetness.

White, the color of purity.

Black, the color of fear.

Blue, the color of worry.

Green, the color of peace with a trace of sour in it.

He did not know exactly what this unusual mix was, but he would ask.

"Kagome." He spoke up, before hearing her sweet voice.

"Hmm?"

"What is the color of love?"

She seemed to have been caught by surprise, for she hesitated for a few moments before answering, "I have no idea, Sesshoumaru. I'm sorry, but I have not experienced it, and hence cannot share the knowledge with you."

He kept silent, before standing up from the bench, feeling around for his cane. He found it before she could grab hold of it and place it in his hands, before feeling his way around her outstretched legs.

"Let's go." He said softly. He could not see the way she bit her lower lip, looking down at the ground ahead before following him.

They walked along in silence, out of the park, across streets, in the direction of the home of the visually-handicapped. It was not long before they reached a pedestrian crossing.

Unlike her usual acts of raising her hands to ensure no cars were crossing, or holding his hand in hers, she let him walk ahead.

His footsteps on the road were no longer hesitant. Instead, they were confident and relatively quick.

She watched him cross the road safely, before running across to join him on the other side. It was evident that he sensed her missing, for he stopped in his footsteps.

Tucking a lock of hair nervously behind her ear, an action for which the reason she could not fathom, she said, "It seems like you wouldn't need me around for long."

She put on an apologetic look, despite knowing that he wouldn't see her expression. Furthermore, he was back facing her.

But it was for the best. She was simply a student on a community service project, and he was her living project, wasn't he? Now that he managed to learn how to take care of himself outside without surveillance, wasn't her job done?

The four months of community service were to be up soon, and she would most probably never see him again, so why was she feeling so sad inside?

The endorsement signature on her community service project record card was suddenly no longer as worth anticipating as it had been before she met him.

He did not reply to her statement, and to break the awkward silence, she laughed nervously. "Why are we standing here for? Let's get go-"

He interrupted her once again.

"I…I know what color it is." He said quietly, and the only sounds other than that was the zooming by of an occasional vehicle.

"Eh?" She was confused.

"The color of love," He continued. She couldn't help but notice the way his hand was clenched around the cane. "I saw it."

"H…How?" She slowly asked, despite having a vibe as to what the answer would turn out to be, for it matched that feeling in her heart.

"Because I fell in love with you." His words were so simple, causing her heart to constrict in a wave of heat.

Nervousness and embarrassment got the better of her in such a situation, before she shakily laughed.

"Wh-What are you talking about, Sesshoumaru?" She said, trying desperately to keep her tone light and questioning. "You…you can't see me, how can you love me? I'm not pretty or whatsoever, so if you've imagined a very lovely girl…you're terribly mistaken."

She stepped past him, and walked a few steps ahead, eager to throw this situation off. She knew what she was saying in a bid to protect herself was stupid and immature, hardly passing for a reason. But she did not know how to react to this, and neither could she bear the growing dilemma in her mind and heart.

"I will be going for a cornea transplant operation next week." He said, loud enough for her to hear clearly. He was still standing on the same spot.

"Eh?"

Surprise gripped her like a vice, threatening to make her drowsy with the knowledge of the news.

"If it is a success, I'll gain some vision." Sesshoumaru continued, for he knew she was no longer walking away from him. "And if I see you then, and still like you all the same, will you give me a chance?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

She sat alone on the almost empty bus, pondering over his words. The trees and streets zoomed past in a blur, but her mind was not on the scenery outside. Instead, it was on a certain person who changed her in a mere period of three months.

"The color of love…I saw it."

He said he saw the color of love, and it was all because of her.

"If it is a success, I'll gain some vision. And if I see you then, and still like you all the same, will you give me a chance?"

Her heart was filled with a fuzzy feeling of warmth, but she was not ready. What if he saw her and decided that he does not like her at all? What if she was nothing like he had imagined?

She was afraid; she was nothing like the color of love he had imagined. He has never seen colors before, so what if his imagination has beautified things beyond reality? What if it was a level of beauty which she would never ever be able to attain?

He was so perfect, and she was nowhere near to perfection.

He would be terribly disappointed.

At that time, a chance will not matter at all, whether or not she was willing to give it to him.

So right after he asked if she would give him a chance, she answered.

"Alright, I will give you a chance. However, if you don't like what you see, you have to tell it to me directly, and I will not blame you or whatsoever. Neither will I force you to do anything against your wishes. All I ask for is you to be truthful."

It was a month since he told her he was going for surgery, and today will be the day when she would face the fears plaguing her day and night.

The hospital came into view, before the bus came to a stop at the bus stop. She stood up, alighting before walking towards the hospital entrance.

"Because I fell in love with you."

He had no idea how simple yet complicated he made things for her.

Striding into the interior of the hospital, she made her way to the ward in which he was at. The basket of fruits which she was carrying felt increasingly heavy with every step she took towards the ward.

She thought if he could identify the colors of the fruits she was holding, since he was already recovering from the surgery.

The door was left ajar, and she could see him facing the door from the bed.

Her footsteps halted, and she scooted behind the wall to hide from him.

What should she do? What could she say? She feared if he pointed out to her the color of love was nothing like he had imagined, she would be devastated.

The worry in her heart was mounting to nauseating levels…somehow she felt torn between wanting to run in to see him after a few weeks of being apart and yet wanting to hide from him.

She steadied herself, taking a deep breath and wondering what she should do next.

"Kagome? Is that you?"

That was his voice. There was no hiding now.

She emerged from behind the wall, standing in the door way. He was facing her by now, but she could not raise her head. It was so much easier looking at him when she knew he could not see her.

"Good afternoon, Sesshoumaru." She greeted, walking in to stand by the bed. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm well, thank you." He answered dutifully with a small nod of his head.

"Aren't these fruits simply beautiful? They looked so fresh, so I bought them on my way here." She tried to lighten the atmosphere, placing the basket on the side table. "I hope you like Fuji apples."

"Aa. I do. They are indeed beautiful."

Silence elapsed after his reply, and for a moment, the both of them stood facing each other, yet unaware of what to say. Kagome was still staring at the floor, anything to avoid Sesshoumaru's gaze.

She felt so miniscule, but she knew she should not hide any longer. Summoning courage, she broke the silence.

"So…you can see me now, right?" She spoke up in a small voice, before she became louder with false happiness. "I don't look anything like you've imagined, right? It's alright if you change your opinion towards me…I really don't expect you to like me after you see how I look like."

He did not say anything, and she took it as silent agreement.

"I'm glad you're well now…and since the four months of community work is now over, I think I better get going…"

A stinging pain rose behind her eyes, and she instinctively knew she was about to begin crying anytime soon, and if she did not leave, she would end up a crying mess.

Bowing to him, she turned to go.

"Kagome…"

"Byebye." She smiled through the film of tears welling up, waving to him, but he did not return her wave.

She stepped towards the door determinedly, before hearing his voice clearly.

"Kagome, wait!"

She did not and only hasten her footsteps. She told herself, she would be strong, she would not turn back.

He was too good for her, too perfect.

I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru…I really do not have the courage to accept your love…

It was then when she heard a loud, resounding crash which caused her to turn back. Through her tears, she could see him sprawled on the linoleum floor of the hospital, while his eyes were kept on the door.

"Seshoumaru! Are you alright?" She instinctively ran over to kneel down by his side, trying to help him back into a standing position. "Are you hurt?"

He pushed her hand away, breathing hard while staring straight at the ground.

"Sess…" She whispered, unsure of weather to reach out to him or not.

His back rose and fell with every breath he took, before he said bitterly. "I thought you would be different from all of them."

She was surprised, but she did not make a sound.

"Like all of them, you only sympathized with me. Whatever came from you was nothing but a so-called act of compassion…but once you think I am alright, you leave my life as if you have never come into it."

"Sesshoumaru…" Her tears were falling freely by now, and through her tears, she saw that his fists were tightly clenched. She reached out, not caring if he was going to push her away, and covered his larger fist as much as she could with her hand.

"The surgery was a failure."

A failure…?

Her heart ceased beating momentarily, and a lone tear fell onto his fist.

"You…you mean…?"

"I still cannot see anything, but I didn't know how to tell you that. I tried pretending like I could see, hoping that I still stood a chance despite being blind. You showed me the color of love…and all I can give you is darkness." He took a quivering breath. "But now, my world is still nothing but darkness...you took the color away with you."

He looked up then, and she saw how his eyes were still dull, except that they were clouded over with tears as well.

Her heart ached with every word he said, before she reached out instinctively to hold him in her arms. She did not know what to say, but she realized something.

All along, she had been trying to escape the reality, fool her heart and disregard the color of love. He meant the world to her, but it was because of her indecisiveness and fear that she had brought so much misery to the both of them. She really was an idiot, to harm the one she loved.

"No, Sess…your world is not dark, because I will bring you the light. I'm so sorry for being so selfish…all I thought of was myself, and I undermined your love for me. I'm so sorry…" Kagome cried, while she clung on to the man who held her heart. Hot tears flowed as if they had their own will, as she regretted her actions.

So what if he could not see? He could see the color of love so clearly. Instead, it was her, who had no visual disability, who denied herself the vision of such a beautiful thing.

She could not even be compared to him.

Pulling apart from the embrace, she cupped his cheeks and pressed her lips against his in a chaste kiss. Her lips were quivering slightly against him, but she did not care.

She drew away, before saying with all the sincerity she had. "I never knew what the color of love was until you showed it to me. And your world is no longer in darkness, for I will share the color of love with you. Just so you would know, this is not sympathy. I love you, Sesshoumaru. It does not matter if you cannot see…I like everything about you."

He nodded, before pulling her into a tight embrace that promised of the future to come.

"I love you too, Kagome."

And just like every other fairy tale, their ending was a happily-ever-after.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The End.

A/N: This fic still has the ability to make me sad whenever I read it.