Hope in My Dark Abyss by AishiteruSessh

My Love Forever

“Hey baby, I just decided it was a good time to call. I know you’re mad at me because of the argument we had earlier. I am sorry for that, it was completely my fault. I should have listened to you because you’re always right. It’s kind of sad when you realize how stupid people are and how many mistakes they do when they are alive. So many mistakes I am created of, so much tragedy created who I and many people have become. As centuries go by, the human race becomes more and more greedy and selfish. I am no exception to that. You always made me believe I was better then I was and so I walked around with my head so far up my ass that I never realized, I am just as human as any other person. I am just as fucked up as the next individual and for some reason; we live like its okay. As if the Kamis put us on the earth to be the fucked up creatures we turned out to be. Maybe that’s why they don’t help us anymore because there is no hope for us. Even while I am dying I laugh bitterly at the world around me because I know I’ll just be another number on the score boards. Oh I guess I forgot to mention that part huh? I’m laying here with silent chaos around me. I really can’t feel anything anymore. The moment it all happened, all I could think about was you and all the years we would miss in fake happiness. If I make it through this, which I really doubt I will, I will make sure you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I would never mutter a selfish word and make sure you know how much I appreciate everything you do for me every second of the day. I would make sure you knew just how amazing you really are, that when I look at you, my heart swells with pride because you are mine. Well the people are here who are trying to save me. Kinda funny, I can’t hear anything that they are saying. Its like I’m already dead and I am watching everything from a distance. I wish I would have heard your voice one more time my love but I guess I can’t get everything I wish for. I love you my love. My everything. My life. Good bye.”

Sesshomaru stared at his phones for many long moments after her voice went silent. Every time he listened to it, it seemed more and more surreal. He always wondered how she was able to speak when she had third degree burns all over her body especially her throat and chest area. None of the doctors can explain how she was still alive and actually healing. Healing parts that take years to heal were healing in weeks, months.

Looking up from the phone he looked at her lying on the hospital beds. Tubes for different things were coming out of her body almost as if she was being recreated. For a half a year he has sat in this room looking over her. Yeah sure there were signs of her healing fairly well then other normally would but there was no sign of her waking up anytime soon.

When he first heard the message, he has been hysterical. Breaking everything in his path as his heart started to crumble with out a warning. At first he just thought she was drunk and was rambling crazy stuff until he noticed the tone and heard all the commotion in the background she claimed she could not hear. 

He couldn’t comprehend how calm and serene she sounded. Every time he heard the voicemail his heart ached at how accepting she sounded. Like she wasn’t going to fight to live anymore, almost sound like she was ready to leave the bitter world behind. To leave him behind. Yet there she was on the bed, making remarkable recovery faster then anyone else known who was human.

For some reason though, he felt utterly alone. When he rushed to the hospital he was completely covered in his own blood. Tears he never knew he shed were still on his cheek moist. His clothes were torn in various places and his eyes were flickering between red and gold. Nurses rushed to his side thinking he was injured but all he kept repeating was that he needed to see his girl friend. Finally he calmed enough to sit down and tell him who exactly who this girl friend of his was.

A nurse who seemed dead scared of him timidly came up to him with a pair of shrubs, something he could change into until he got information. He accepted them with a small nod and walked to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like complete hell. No wonder everyone was scared of him.

 Shaking his head and ripped off the rest of his clothes and slowly began to wash the blood off of him the best he could with the small sink. Washing his face thoroughly he began to dress in the green shrubs and walked out of the bathroom a little be more calm then before. He sat down in a seat and put his head in his hands and just began counting in his head to keep his calm.

A few moments later a nurse came in and told him the situation. Kagome was in a three car wreck and sadly she was in the middle. A drunk driver swerved into Kagomes lane hitting her head on but with the seatbelt on she only had minor injuries that conjured, it was the hit from the back that made it worse. The car hit Kagomes car on an angle making her car spiral and flip once landing on the hood. They told him they found her talking on the phone as the car was burning around her, the fumes burning her skin till it boiled but she continued to speak as if nothing was going on around her.  

Seeing her the first time, his strong independent Kagome, stuck on the bed with ointment rags covering ever part of her body that was burned, tubes coming out of every portion of her body, his legs almost gave out on him as he practically stumbled to the side of her bed. Gently he grabbed her unburned hand and pressed his cheek to it and closed his eyes taking a deep breath. All he could smell was medicine and burnt flesh that made him want to vomit.

Over the weeks, her smell began to surface calming his slowly escalating insanity. Everyday he left when visiting hours ended and came bright in the morning with flowers of every single color. Days passed and he would throw away withered flowers and brought in new. Everyday she looked a little bit better and every minute his heart got heavier.

Now as he looked at her all he prayed for was to hear her sweet voice saying his name and to see those deep blue eyes. He wanted to feel her squeeze his hand when she was excited or scared. To laugh, to eat, to simply smile, but everyday she lays there, not moving, not talking not smiling.

Shaking his head he pulled out his lap top and rubbed his face as he waited for it to boot up. Being at the hospital everyday was taking a toll on him and his company. He needed the company to keep up to be able to pay for the hospital bill that was piling up. He put his house out for rent because he couldn’t stay in it with out her there so he rented a small one bedroom apartment close to the hospital.

Sesshomaru began reading over the contracts, sending them to the write people to read over them and sign or deleting the ones who wouldn’t benefit the company what so ever. After about an hour of doing this Sesshomaru felt his eyes begin to droop. He sighed softly and closed his lap top setting it on the floor next to his chair.

His eyes moved over to his Kagome and closed his eyes tightly shaking his head. Grabbing his chair he moved it over to the side of the bed and grabbed her hand again kissing if softly.

“Hey, I know you’re in there somewhere. You need to come back to this Sesshomaru. I simply demand this.” He paused with a smile remembering how she always reacted when he simply demanded something. She always knew he was teasing but she would always get so angry and he would have to make it up later, not that he minded. “But you must come back soon. I am slowly dying with out you. I need your bright life to keep me going. While you lay here not moving, my heart stutters. I can not be with out you much longer my Kagome” He whispered with a kiss on her hand. “I love you and I miss you so much” His lips brushed against her hand as he spoke.

Closing his eyes, he rested his face on her hand taking in her scent and slowly his body relaxed the best it could in such position and drifted off to sleep.

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Sesshomarus dream:

Sesshomaru stood in the middle of darkness. This was how his nightmare usually started; in complete darkness and utterly alone. His golden eyes pierced through the darkness though he knew he would see nothing but blackness. All of a sudden color filled the void and Sesshomaru closed his eyes. He knew once he opened them his nightmare would begin but he also knew he had no choice.

Slowly opening his eyes he saw Kagomes smiling face surrounding him. It was the first time he met her and the first time he actually began feeling those emotions he held so deep inside. The pictured zoomed forward to the day he gave her flowers. He smiled, she was so ecstatic about it she tripped over her feet and literally fell out of his arms and he never let her go since.

She made him grow, made him believe that there was happiness outside of the void that he created for himself. There was more to the world then bleak darkness and the smell of paper and ink. There was life in the simplest of touches and happiness with the softest kiss. Looking around, hundreds of pictures floated around him. Images he made sure to imprint into his mind so he would never forget.

Their first date, their first kiss, even the first time she burped in front of him. She was so embarrassed it was the first time he actually laughed. More like bellowed which made her feel completely at ease as she joined the laughter with him. Then there was the first time they made love. How absolutely beautiful she looked upon his blue satin sheets. Her eyes looked so alluring with the background of her hair, billowing around her.

Sesshomaru closed his eyes once again and fell to his knees. In his nightmare he could show emotion because there was no one there to mock him but himself. Who would have thought such a small dainty human could affect such a terribly powerful tai-youkai. Who would have ever thought such a woman would find interest in melting the ice he enclosed himself in.

Gripping his hair he screamed loudly. Over and over again until his voice went hoarse. Several strains of hair were stuck to his fingers as he pulled his hands away. All he wanted was to hear her voice. Just one more time and that’s all he asked for. As the his energy drained him, he laid down on his back looking at the picture of Kagome.

Every night it was the same thing. The same dream; nightmare. Every time he woke up he ended up more exhausted. He laid there for a moment; his head was blank except the picture of his lover floating around him, the only thing keeping him company. What if he just ended the sorrow? What if he just laid in his abyss never to be hurt again?

Will she ever wake up again? Will she ever breathe on her own? The I.V.s were the only thing keeping her alive and everyday he had to massage her body to keep it from getting blood clots along her body. Everyday she would seem farther and farther out of reach. Will this pain ever end? With the loneliness leave him bitter and hateful if she did no survive?

Suddenly something that never happened before in his dream, Kagomes voiced filtered through the darkness. He couldn’t understand what she said so he quickly stood and looked around.

“Kagome?” He yelled looking around. Again the noises started and he started forward looking for the voice but all he found was darkness. No matter how he ran darkness engulfed him. Her voice was so sweet it left him breathless. One day would he hear how sweet her sound really was? The day he did he would cherish it completely and make sure she talks forever when she recovered. That was the only thing keeping him alive. He had to hear her voice one more time.

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Noises ringed in her ear and made her groan softly. Not much of a sound got out because her throat was completely dry. Trying to salivate some saliva, she slowly opened her eyes only shutting them again tightly as the lights seemed to blind her. Taking a deep breath, she felt something in her nose forcing into her oxygen and she groaned again confused. Reaching up with one hand she pulled the tubes out of her nose and took a deep breath and exhaled. 

Slowly opening her eyes again, Kagome made sure to do it slowly and as he vision began to clean she noticed that she was indeed in a hospital. Looking around the small pale blue room, she saw many flowers littering the entire room. She saw on the floor what looked to be Sesshomarus brief case and lap top and suddenly noticed the weight on her other hand. 

When she looked over she smiled the best she could. Tears forming in her eyes as she saw the man of her dreams laying there waiting for her. She choked back a sob and as she did she gasped in pain. Grinding her teeth to hold back the pain she looked at Sesshomaru again and noticed that he looked very sick and pale. He had lost a lot of weight from where she could see and she frowned softly. 

How long had she been here? What happened to her? She couldn’t remember anything that would have brought her in the hospital. She lifted her hand and rested it on Sesshomarus head and tried to whisper his name. Nothing of course came out and if she could have, she would have growled and frustration. Swallowing hard she whispered his name. It came out harshly but it was progress. 

She tried to push on his shoulder with the very little strength she had while whispering his name and smiled as he started to stir. She kept pushing his shoulder to keep him awake and when he lifted his head she smiled the best that she could and gasped softly at the emotions running through his eyes.

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Sesshomaru stirred thinking it was a nurse telling him visiting hours were over. Groaning softly he almost growled at the constant pushing and looked up only to be rendered speechless. Sparkling blue eyes stared at him and his heart skipped a beat with hope. Standing quickly he bent his head forward and pressed his lips to her dry ones as tears fell down his cheeks.

Pulling away he looked at her and laughed softly seeing that she was crying and lifted his hands to gently wipe away the tears away from both of there eyes. He swallowed hard and whispered “Welcome back baby. I missed you so much. I command that you never leave me again okay. I can not handle this.” She laughed softly as he kissed her again but as he pulled backed he saw the confusion in her eyes.

Smiling softly he sat back in the chair and told her everything that has happened and in the end she was crying in his arms. After a moment spent with her, he pressed the button to call for the nurse and smiled softly down at the woman in his arms and whispered, “I love you my Kagome.”

His heart almost palpitating as he heard the very faint whisper “I love you too my Sesshomaru.” Maybe Kamis do exist. He smiled and held her hand tighter, this was there new beginning and they were going to make the best of it. Pressing a kiss to Kagomes hand he stepped away when nurses came fluttering in, his eyes never leaving hers. This was worth the wait and he will never doubt her again because she was just full of miracles.