Truly Demonic by Daniel

Guilt

Truly Demonic

Forgive me....  That floated through the hanyous mind as he stared at the grave. It was well kept, by whom he wasn't sure, but he didn't really care either. In that grave, in that earth, lay the girl who had redefined him, the girl who had promised him never to leave him. And she hadn't broken that promise either. He had. And for what? A lifetime of guilt. She had managed to combine the roles of best friend, mother, sister, confidante, comrade in arms and shoulder to cry on like no other. Her loyalty had impressed even the haughtiest of lords both human and demon. Even the king of pricks, the ice lord himself, his half-brother had been impressed by her. He knew that she'd loved him, and if he was honest, he had begun to love her to. But it had all come far too late. She had always been there for him, but when it had mattered most, he had not been there for her. Her smile, her laugh and even her scent, were cut into his memory, ever fresh wounds that would never heal.

He walked closer to the grave, kneeling down in front of it. He was mildly surprised that Shippo wasn't there, he rarely left this place. A sad smile crossed his face as he thought of the kit that had adored the woman interred in the grave in front of him. Shippo had seen her as a surrogate mother, and she had embraced that role, and filled it well. Inuyasha knew that the kit had secretly hoped that the hanyou would join the little family as a father of sorts, but Inuyasha had miserably failed at that. The young fox hated him now, hated him for the role he had played in his new mothers death. Memories of that fateful night flitted through his mind. Again he saw Naraku, the hated enemy, flaunting the two women in his life in front of him, confronting him with a choice. Save the old love and loose the budding new love, or save the girl and loose the woman. He had wanted to save both, so he did what he always did. He simply attacked his enemy without thinking. The others had cried out in alarm, trying to warn him, but he hadn't listened. Narakus reaction had been simple. Hovering at the cliff edge he simply flung the two females from him and swooped away laughing at the hanyou. Inuyashas reaction had been quick. Motivated by love and guilt, he lunged for the clay miko, he abandoned the girl to death. And the worst? As much as he might tell himself that it had been a reflex, a knee-jerk reaction to use an expression she had once used on him, he had been fully aware of the decision not to save her. And judging from the last expression he had glimpsed on her beautiful face, so had she. That expression had shattered Inuyashas soul, as surely as her arrow had shattered the jewel. He had pulled Kikyo, his old love, into his arms, watching the slayer take off after the falling girl on Kirara. But it was clear that even the fire nekos speed would not be fast enough. Those moments were clear as glass in Inuyashas memories, and they would never fade.

The reactions of his "friends" had been predictable. Shippo had simply cried, bawling his eyes out, screaming for his mother and calling Inuyasha every name he could think of. The monk had been more reserved, quiet even, but the anger and hate, yes hate, in his eyes had burned brighter than any fire. Kikyo had stood to the side, emotionless until she suddenly broke down screaming. Tears had started to flood down her face, sobs racking her, now human, body. The others were stunned by this outbreak and even more stunned as Kikyo shook Inuyasha, screaming at him, demanding why he hadn't saved her reincarnation. Then they had understood, and Shippo had let out a loud wail before breaking down and sobbing quietly. At the same time something had died in Inuyasha, confirming to him what he had already known. She was dead. And he had killed her. It didn't matter that it had been Naraku who had thrown her, he hadn't saved her, choosing to save an undead imitation of an old love instead. And in death, their shared soul had become whole again, the girls part going to her pre-incarnation, restoring her fully and giving her all the memories and feelings  of the girl, showing her the girls innermost secrets, her feelings and her hurt.

Inuyasha had gotten the old, the real Kikyo back, but he had lost her at the same time. With the burden of the girls memories, Kikyo could not, or would not, even try to revive their old love. For the real Kikyo was horrified at her treatment of her reincarnation. Horrified at what she had done, at the suffering she had caused.

When the slayer returned with Kag.... the girls broken body, her reaction had been simple and predictable. She had screamed and ranted at Inuyasha and then beat him almost senseless, crying for her sister at the same time. Inuyasha hadn't defended himself, taking the beating, accepting it as part of his punishment, his eyes riveted to the now cold, broken corpse of a girl he had once sworn to protect.

The slayer, monk and kit had left then, taking the body with them, leaving Inuyasha and Kikyo behind. Eventually the still sobbing miko had taken care of his wounds, and they had made their way back to the small village of Edo. They didn't catch up with the rest of the tachi, nor did they try, both locked inside their own worlds. When they came to Edo, the monk was waiting for them. He asked Inuyasha to take the girl's body back through the well, so that her family might bury her, but they quickly discovered that with her death, the well had closed. Inuyasha was no longer able to go back to Kag.... the girl's time. It was decided that she would be buried at the foot of the god tree, and, surprising everybody, Kikyo suggested that a small shrine be built in her memory. They didn't realise at the time that this very shrine would be the beginning of what would be the Higurashi-Shrine centuries later.

If it hadn't been for Kikyo, the tachi would have probably broken up then and there. Inuyasha didn't know for sure what she had said to them, but Kikyo had sought out the members of the tachi, speaking to each in turn. After that they had agreed that now more than ever, Naraku had to be taken down, and the Tama reassembled. After a few weeks of mourning, they had resumed their trips across the country, but it wasn't the pleasant experience anymore that it had once been.

Inuyasha sighed. Nothing was the same anymore. Not since Kag.... the girl had died. The girl...I really AM pathetic, I can't even bring myself to use her name anymore. KAGOME! He winced at the pain that shot through him as her name brought up many unwelcome memories. Her cooking for him, fighting with him, laughing with and often at him, her terrible sit-command. He both cherished and hated these memories. With tears in his eyes he lent forwards, placing his hand on her grave where her head would be. Forgive me... I'm so sorry.

He gasped as a hand burst out of the dirt, its fingers closing around his throat, constricting, choking him. His eyes widened in terror as a second hand pushed itself out of the dirt to join the first. He scrabbled at the bony, rotting appendages, trying to free himself from them but their strength was incredible. He gasped trying desperately to get air into his lungs. Then to his horror a face slowly emerged from the grave dirt. Much of the skin had rotted away, revealing bone, her lips once beautiful and rosy were gone, leaving her face in a perpetual, hideous grin. Her hair had mostly fallen out or rotted away, but her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes, were still there, but what had once been warm, was now cold and lifeless. "NO INUYASHA!!!!" The spectre rasped with a terrifying voice, a parody of the once musical chime that her voice had been. "YOU ARE NOT FORGIVEN!!!" More and more of her body was pushed out of the grave, until she was standing in front of him, dressed in the tattered remains of the ceremonial kimono she had been buried in. Her hands were still wrapped around his neck, their steely grip unforgiving. Still on his knees he stared up at her, into those terrifying eyes. "YOU BETRAYED ME, YOU MURDERED ME!!! BECAUSE OF YOU I HAVE TO ROT IN THIS FOUL GRAVE!!! BECAUSE OF YOU  MY DREAMS WILL STAY JUST THAT!!! DREAMS!!! I LOVED YOU!!! AND ALL YOU DID WAS BETRAY ME!!!" Her thundering words cut him more painfully than any enemies claws or swords ever had, for they had the ring of truth to them. "KIKYO MAY NO LONGER WANT TO DRAG YOU TO HELL, BUT ONE DAY YOU WILL COME THERE, AND I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU!!! UNTIL THEN, YOU WILL LIVE IN PAIN INUYASHA, UNTIL IT IS TO MUCH FOR YOU TO TAKE!! NOW WAKE UP AND DON'T COME HERE AGAIN!!" With that she flung him against the god tree hard, and the last thing he saw was her eyes, crying burning tears.