Kagome Doll by Hairann
Title: Kagome Doll
Theme: Hairann's Weird-ified Challenge: My girlfriend is inflatable
Rating: High T
Warnings: Very slight innuendo.
Word Count: 885
Summary: Sesshoumaru receives a very strange birthday gift.
I do not own the song My girlfriend is inflatable, Weird Al does.
Sesshoumaru stared uninterested at the boxes that covered the end of his desk, seeing no point in opening them as he already knew what both the presents from his parents were. Every year it was the same, his father would get him a book on history and his mother gave him a hideous sweater, that he would only wear until he reached the end of the block and would then stuff it in his backpack. He knew she meant well, but she had horrible taste in clothing for him.
As he sat on the edge of his bed, glaring at the unsurprising presents, he complained, “What a great birthday this is turning out to be. Who in the world decides to go on a second honeymoon on their son's 18th birthday? Even Inuyasha was out the door at the first rays of the sun this morning.” Thinking about his brother, he remembered that there had strangely been three presents where there has always only been two.
As he stared at the odd, crudely wrapped gift, which in fact had been covered with a paper bag, much like Inuyasha's school books, he couldn't help but wonder what had caused his brother to give him something this year. They had just had another of their numerous fights a few days ago and as far as he knew, Inuyasha was still pissed at him for his insults directed at his girlfriend. So the idea that he had left a present for Sesshoumaru seemed like a foreign concept, unless of course it was a booby trap that was going to blow up in his face.
Sighing, his curiosity getting the better of him, Sesshoumaru carefully picked up the gift, careful not to jar it, in case it did hold explosive materials, and gently set it on the bed next to him. Ever so slowly, he began to unwrap it, finding an unmarked box beneath it. Raising a single elegant eyebrow as he debated whether or not he should continue, he stared down at the box as he thought of the chances of Inuyasha really being able to get his hands on something dangerous.
Deciding any explosions would have no doubt blown up in Inuyasha's face, he sliced through the tape, holding the box closed, with the tip of his sharpened nail and slowly pulled open the lid. The contents only served to confuse him further, as they appeared to be a blob of soft plastic. His eyebrow disappearing into his hairline, Sesshoumaru reached out and grabbed onto a small pull tab that he could see sticking out from the top of, whatever it was.
Yanking on the tab, he leaped back when the 'gift' jumped into the air and inflated like a life raft, before landing silently on the bed in front of him. Seeing it wasn't going to move any further, he carefully made his way back over to it and found himself wondering if his brother had messed up his own practical joke. As he looked it over, he could easily tell that it was in fact a blow up doll and while he had heard about them in passing, he could not understand the point of having one that wasn't anatomically correct.
Ignoring the doll for now, he turned his attention back to the box she had come in and found two things in the bottom of it. The first was a pair of underwear and grabbing a pencil off of his desk, he carefully lifted it up, quickly discovering it was made out of candy. “Edible undies?” he questioned out loud to himself before tossing them away and picking up the paper that was still in the box. “Look in your closet,” he read the note out loud.
“Who sends a creepy note like that with an inflatable doll?” Sesshoumaru wondered as he reread it, sighing when he realized he recognized the handwriting. “Inuyasha wrote this,” he grumbled to himself as he stood, figuring Inuyasha was hiding in his closet waiting to take an embarrassed picture of him. 'Let us see who is the embarrassed one,' Sesshoumaru thought to himself as he slowly made his way over to the closet.
As he grabbed onto the handles, he prepared himself to beat his brother and threw the doors open, but instead of finding a laughing Inuyasha, he was assaulted by a dozen boxes as they fell out of the closet on top of him. “Damn it,” he cursed as he tossed the boxes off of him from where he had landed on the floor and began plotting out his payback for Inuyasha. Wondering what exactly he had been hit with, Sesshoumaru picked up the first box and groaned when he saw the picture.
Glancing around at the rest of the boxes, he soon discovered they were all identical. Each one was one of the blow up dolls like the one laying forgotten on his bed. “Kagome doll,” he read as he turned back to the box in his hands. “Never again be lonely, never again be dateless. The Kagome doll is the perfect girl to keep you warm on the long, cold night. Made in Taiwan.” As he finished reading, Sesshoumaru groaned as he tossed the box aside. Inuyasha was going to pay for this. Dearly.