// It is cold tonight.//

I think those were the first words you said, when I saw you that first night. You looked so surprised when you turned my way and accidentally saw me. I smiled back then; I thought it was strange you spoke to yourself, yet you were the boy in our school who never spoke to anyone else.
You were untouchable perfection; everyone feared and loved you from afar.
I was the girl who laughed when it wasn’t needed,
maybe to make up for the fact I felt so alone.

We were nothing alike;
except for the fact that you started talking around me.
Secretly.
And I was silent the whole time,

only around you.

Sesshoumaru, I know these words will never reach you.

I know you’ll never know exactly how much I love you.

Sadly, I also know you’ll never ask.

Sesshoumaru, I want to write you a letter.

I want to tell you I love you as much as you love the sky, and the moon, and the sun, and the stars.

I want you to look at me and ask me this because I’ll never have the courage to say it myself.

And sure enough, I’m enough of a coward to let the pen slip from my fingers and rip the neat lined paper; Even after a whole year of silently listening to you Sesshoumaru, after a whole year of silently loving you.

I didn’t want this Sesshoumaru.
I didn’t ever want to love this way, more than words could ever describe.

It’s a feeling I’m not used to.

I’ve never felt as close to anyone as I feel with you.

When you breathe, I breathe.

And I truly feel alive when you’re near me.

// Today was the first time I felt something. I wanted to turn, to run, anywhere. I do not understand why, because I am fortunate. I have the world in the palm of my hand, and I never asked for it. I have everyone sigh as I pass them, though I have never truly looked anyone in the face. But now, I feel better as I tell you this. I can not comprehend why, seeing as you do not speak. Are you mute, little girl? //

You chuckled and turned away.
I was not surprised you never saw me in school; more than enough times I have been talking to friends in hallways as you passed by, making everyone stare. You always had a way of making yourself known without trying to.

You always found me here, in the old abandoned shrine garden in our neighborhood. It was where we knew we could find each other, ever since that first night I heard your voice.
I couldn’t get enough, Sesshoumaru.

Somewhere in my heart, I wanted you to feel alive as I did.
Every single time you spoke, I never stopped hoping.

Even, if to my annoyance, I was known to you only as “Little Girl”, though I was no more than two years your junior.

Still, the days seemed eternal after that. The nights could never arrive as fast as I willed them to.

// It may be odd to say, but as I lay here, like every other night, I look upon the sky for answers. I look at the moon, at the stars. Then I say to myself, ‘If the sky were a woman, I believe I would be in love with her.’ And I laugh at my ridiculousness. Something as no one else would know this, I feel safe in my own secrets. Strangely, I feel as you can not even hear me, little girl. //

I wanted desperately to be the sky in that moment, and I don’t know why. I never loved you from afar like everyone in school;
you were always more like a ghost to me, not a god as you were to everyone else.
That’s something else I wanted to tell you, Sesshoumaru.
And yes, I could hear you. I always have.

More days passed by. Soon those days grew into months, which grew into a whole year;
a whole year of bliss on my part. You never missed a day, and I didn’t know why at the time, but I was grateful.
I was falling in love without meaning to, I think. I don’t think you realized I was even there sometimes;
I would sit against the large tree in the middle of the garden, looking at you.
You would lie in front of me on the grass, looking at the sky.
I closed my eyes and listened to your voice, the only song I’ve ever known.

And then the beginning of tonight came. And you spoke to me as always. But then you were silent, and asked me,
// How long has it been? A year? Ever since that first night, I have been questioning your motives. As well as my own, unfortunately. I do not know why I trust you with my thoughts. I do not know you, little girl. //

I had opened my eyes. I wanted you to be reassured, and so without thinking, I opened my mouth and said the first thing that came to mind:

“To be honest, I am not a little girl. Though you have never looked at me, I can assure you I am only two years younger than you, Sesshoumaru.”

You had frozen. Everything seemed suddenly too quiet.
I knew I made a mistake.

You had closed your eyes, and stood swiftly with a grace I had never seen before.
I kept my eyes on the grass, where you had lain.
I heard your soft footsteps echo farther and farther.
You didn’t look at me once, Sesshoumaru.

I moved in a daze.

My palms brushed against the grass where your body had been,

and soon I was laying there too.
I looked at the sky, just as you had.

And I finally knew what you meant.
How had I never taken the time to look at the sky at night before?
At that moment, I began to love the sky.

Just like you, Sesshoumaru.

-[S]-

Who are you?
My mind seemed to explode when I first heard your voice.
All of those nights I had spoken those innermost secrets I wouldn’t dare let anyone else know. I swore you were deaf, I swore you were mute. Sometimes I even swore you were never there at all.

But there were times I heard you breathe,

And I dreamed of it, little girl.
Though you are not a little girl at all, I can tell.
There were times I felt your presence so strongly, I fought the urge to truly look upon your face.

I wanted to.
But, beyond all reasoning, I was afraid.

One of the last faces I truly saw was my father’s, almost apologizing as the hanyou child walked into our home for the first time after losing his wretched human mother.
My mother cried,
and youkai never cry.
My mother truly loved my father, and he had betrayed us both.

I looked upon the hanyou with such heat and hatred I had never felt before, and my father as well. My mother refused to speak. And my father was away from the mansion for often and immersed himself in work.

The hanyou would not leave me alone.
It was infuriating watching him trail me, smiling, wishing.
I spun one day and struck him so hard he fell to the ground in tears.

And for the first time in my life, I felt remorse as he cried.
For the first time in my life, I picked him up, and he stopped abruptly.
He stared at me;

And I realized we had the same eyes.
I set him down,
staring at me in awe.

“Hanyou, I will tell you this. I shall not strike you again. But you must not cry.”

He smiled. For some reason unknown, I gave a slight smile as well. Only if you looked close enough.
But he did. And he laughed.

I let him follow me until we where old enough to separately go our own ways. Though I was silent with him for these last years, I catch him glance my way in gratitude. And worry, for I have been silent these last years. But I ignore him. As well as my father. My mother has long since passed away; perhaps my silence has begun since her funeral? I can not remember.
But I awoke one morning and lost the will to speak to anyone.

Except you, little girl.
You already know all of my story as well.

What is your name?
I am meaning to ask you,

though I have not gone back to those gardens in half a year.
I do not think you would be moronic enough to wait. Truly,
you would be a fool if you did.

But I am tempted.
I shall admit that much.
Perhaps I shall look upon your face?

Or, perhaps upon the sky once more.

I have not looked at the beloved night sky since then.

I shall go just this once, little girl, and you shall tell me your name.