Le Perfect Mate? by stellar

Voila! Ze Perfect Mate!

Summary: Screw the ol' marriage of convenience.

Warnings: Unexpected Ending. And my parodish horns. T_T

Le Perfect Mate (I was gonna add French for flair ya know ).-.- XP

W/C: 641 Torture Sesshy Challenge

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Two months ago, Inutaisho, CEO of Silver Tech, the largest trading company and richest crème de la crème of Japan unexpectedly announced his eldest son, Sesshomaru as heir of his property and millions.

Of course we all know from fan fiction laws that Sesshomaru, hot damn demon, voted second sexiest man in the world (damn you Hugh Jackman!) and a bachelor to boot...had to become, "un" bachelor-ed in so and so time before he gets his ass handed to him by daddy. And his pride/ego/reputation completely crushed to smithereens with his half-brother's official take over, and Silver Tech's inevitable name change to "Silver Booty."

God help us all.

Times like this (you know, the disowning of your family, soon-to-be-homeless, and be mock by society) was always alleviated with a few friends.

Kagome Higurashi had been very helpful in his time of need.

Besides the fact that she had signed him on match.com, auctioned him off for a date on Ebay (without his consent), and went into a complete 'woman-hunt' for his perfect mate (i.e: strip clubs, Miss Universe contestants, models, actresses) . And at one point she even went to their labs to ask if a robot could be made to his tastes, but-but! It all came down to this.

"Dude! Sesshoumaru! I have found your perfect mate!" her eyes burned with excitement of her overall success in finding him a mate...as of which he was still trying to figure out as to why she offered to find him one. He...wouldn't mind if she... offered herself to him...you know. But alas! You can't force love, so Sesshomaru concluded it must be her own way of showing affection.

"Indeed." he mumbled nonchalantly and went back to reading his daily newspaper.

"Your mate has to be smart, capable, beneficial to the company, drop dead gorgeous, with suitable baby-bearing hips, not annoying otaku-crazed-psycho and a tiger in bed! And someone who wouldn't mind your anal retentiveness, or your boa fetish-!"

"How many times do I have to tell you, it's my tail-"

"Whatever!"

Sesshomaru ignored her, the best thing to shut a female from-

"Let's go! I got us a meeting set up with your dad and you're new mate! " Kagome literally hauled him off his seat, nearly sprinting towards their father's meeting place.

"Kagome, I think you're getting way overboard."

"Heh, fluffy! You better thank me, 'cuz I got you the best of all!"

She pushed the doors open and he was greeted with the sight of his father. Hmm nothing bad there and holy shit...

"Naraku..." he hissed, baring his fangs, "What is the meaning of this?"

"Oh dear, you're not too happy to see me." the raven haired half demon batted (seriously batted!?) his lashes at him, a bashful blush colored his cheeks. Emotionless or not...Sesshoumaru had his WTF face on full  gear. And you don't want to know what WTF face on looked like on him...

"Oh my boy..." his father sniffled on a tissue, "I knew you had high standards for a mate, but you could have told me and...and I...I-I would've understand." Inutaisho sobbed as Naraku patted his shoulder.

The world had definitely ended...and Sesshoumaru (unfortunately) missed it.

"What do you mean by that?" he directed his glare to the only "sane" person in the room.

"Well...you know I've come up with the conclusion and well..." Kagome stalled, laughing nervously as she backed against a window, gulping at how easy Sesshoumaru could throw her out of it. She had gone through all his likes and dislikes in a mate and she had finally found the answer. Something which she found...ghastly shocking, but still quite reasonably logical.

"You never said it should be a female..."

His eyes flashed an eerie red.

"I'm glad I met your expectations, darling." Naraku winked at him.

Oh dear.

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Fin...or is it? XP