Til' My Heart's Unbroken by LadySafire

The Pain Cuts Deep

Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha

 Here is the next chapter. I know it is a bit short but I am having some serious time issues right now.

Chapter 3: The Pain Cuts Deep

  The memorial service had been quiet and simple with Kagome's favorite flowers dripping from vases, large and small, surrounding an ornately framed painting of his mate. Sesshomaru had commissioned it shortly after their marriage.

The work of art was of a young woman who was obviously in love with her husband.  She was seated in a fan backed wicker chair dressed in a modest sapphire blue gown with various hothouse plants clustered about her, their vibrant green leaves and multi hued blossoms further enhancing her gentle beauty. Her ebony locks had been softly scraped back into a cluster of curls on the back of her head, leaving a delicate neck and shoulders bare. The small mating mark on the side of her throat, a blue crescent surrounded by two wavy maroon stripes, had been proudly displayed for all to see. A single peacock feather was grasped in one hand as her other seemingly stroked it as she gazed at something or rather someone just beyond the edge of the painting. A very slight smile grazed his mouth as Sesshomaru remembered how the feather had been used later that night in the privacy of their room.

 Sesshomaru gazed at the picture a moment longer before stepping away to gaze out a nearby window that looked out over the gardens Kagome had so loved. A fine mist was drenching the flowers and foliage as if nature were shedding the tears for his mate he himself could not.

 A sharp pain jabbed at his heart as he again though of what he'd done to the one he had professed to love. He recalled how coldly he had treated Kagome before her death, the physical and emotional pain he'd done. 

 Sesshomaru clenched his hands into fists as guilty nausea churned his stomach when he remembered the papers and parchment in his desk. He'd been days away from divorcing and discarding his beloved mate as if she were a malfunctioning toaster. Something to be tossed away because it did not produce wanted results correctly. No wonder the Kami had taken her and the child she carried from him. He'd been a selfish bastard who hadn't appreciated what he'd had until it was taken away.

 He had treated his sweet Miko as if she had been nothing but a brood mare.

Sesshomaru tightened his hands further until he could feel the sharp pain of his claws piercing his palms. If only he could poison himself with his own toxins. It was no less than he deserved!

  Touga watched the stiff form of his son, the sharp tang of the poison from his claws filling his nose. They'd had someone with Sesshomaru since the accident as the news and visual confirmation of Kagome's death had sent him into a deep depression. Twice Touga had found his oldest sitting alone in his darkened room at the family home (He hadn't sent foot in his own since the accident.) an opened bottle of sake on the table beside him and a long bladed dagger in his lap. He'd told his father that his mate's death was a punishment from the Kami's and he needed to atone for his deeds and her death.

 Touga had removed the daggers  and the sake. Alcohol, depression and his son's crippling guilt didn't mix well. The older Inu stepped further into the room as a maid stepped quietly through a side door with a tray. She gently set it on a nearby table bowing slightly to the two demons and quickly left the room.

  His worried gold eyes watched Sesshomaru gloomily stare out the window as he sat down, lifted the antique tea pot and began to pour himself a cup of the steaming fragrant tea. Too late he realized the maid had mistakenly brewed the tea that Kagome had favored, a jasmine hibiscus white tea blend that Sess had hired a local tea merchant to create just for her. He'd named the blend Kagome's Kiss, saying it reminded him of the way her mouth tasted upon his own lips.

 Touga hurriedly set the pot down, reaching toward the bell that would call the maid back so the tray could be removed and a new pot brewed. One with not so many memories attached to it.

 "I am so sorry, Sesshomaru. I thought I had removed that blend from the kitchen. Let me just call Kimi back to dump this and make a new batch for us, hmmm?"  He said quickly as he watched Sesshomaru's nose twitch at the familiar fragrance and moved towards the small table the tray sat upon, his golden eyes clouding with painful memories.

 Sesshomaru reached out and stayed Touga's hand before reaching out to pour a cup for himself.  "It's fine, Father. Kagome would appreciate the knowledge of us drinking her special tea."

The older Inuyoukai watched his grieving son carefully as he lifted his own cup to his mouth sipping at the hot liquid.  Sesshomaru closed his eyes, seemingly to savor its exotic fragrance and taste. A small tremor was his only warning as Sesshomaru suddenly flung the delicate cup away to smash against the opposite wall scattering pieces in all directions and the fragrant liquid run down the scarlet wall to pool on the oak flooring below.

 An anguished howl suddenly filled the room.  Sesshomaru sped over to stand in front of Kagome's painting. He lifted a green claw as if he were going to rend the picture in many canvas ribbons.

 Touga, who had followed his son, caught his arm before he could. "Pup, if you destroy her picture it won't help. Believe me, I know." He gently pulled the shaking arm down.  "When your mother died I shredded three pictures of her in my pain. Now, it is something I deeply regret for they showed just how lovely your mother was."

 "It hurts so much, Father." Sesshomaru whispered brokenly as he bent his head, long silver-white hair falling forward to obscure his face. "How do I live with the pain and guilt of what I did to her? Sometimes the hurt is so much I wish to die. I think of taking my own life every night but don't as I am not worthy to join her in the place of the Kami's."

 Touga wrapped his arms about his grieving son. "The pain will ease, my boy. There will always be an ache but it will ease."

 He pulled back to gaze at the younger Inu. "Why don't you go to your room and rest awhile? Dinner will be served in a couple hours and this will give you a chance to calm yourself before you join the family."

 Sesshomaru hesitated a moment before giving a slight nod and slowly walking from the room. Touga followed slightly behind him, watching from the hall as he climbed the staircase and headed towards the family wing of the house.

 The older InuYoukai sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Kami but he felt so old right then. This wasn't what he had planned with his life. In his daydreams he and his second mate, Izayoi were supposed to be spoiling grand-pups, watching with pride as their family grew.

 'Where had it gone so wrong?' He again questioned in his churning mind. The plan hadn't included his sons hurting the woman they both loved or attending a memorial service for her.

 Touga's dark and depressing thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the insistent ring of his cell.

 "Touga here." He answered brusquely, moving towards the privacy of his den.

 "Sir.." spoke an urgent voice on the other end. "You need to come to the Center quickly. There is a problem with the "client"."

 Touga tensed fearfully at the man's words. "What problem? Did she die?" he growled urgently, already making his way out the patio doors of his den to the garage.

 "No sir." The voice hurriedly assured him. "The client is still alive. I can't explain over the phone but it is imperative you get here immediately."

 The Inu growled irritably into the phone as he slid into his car. "Fine. I'll be there in a half hour."

 Snapping the little cell closed, he tossed threw it into the seat next to him and proceeded to roar down the drive, failing to see a pair of heartbroken brown eyes staring after him.

 :Hiding behind wall: Is it safe yet?

 I hope you all like this chapter. I apoligize for taking so long but when you live in a motel the internet connection is kinda crappy. we are hoping to be home soon. Would have been home now but we found black mold in the house. And as most of you know, Owl is severely ashmatic at times, so we can't go home until it is all gone.

 Hope you enjoy this chapter. Next one will answer a few questions and add more. <eg>

LadySafire