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Creating A Monster. by idreamofinuyokai

"A Monster."

From the moment of his birth he understood who he was - what he was. A nuisance.

As an infant, Sesshomaru saw the silent contempt ensnared within his father's gaze towards him. Sesshomaru understood that this was because he was an unwanted burden, a child born as consequence of his father's fleshly lust. Growing into a child, Sesshomaru began to receive the full force of that hatred in the form of violent outbursts and humiliation that left him hurt and seeking justification of the beatings with his own wretched deficiency. When his father walked into a room, Sesshomaru stood on edge waiting for the moment those amber eyes would turn on him. His father knew where he was, always. Sesshomaru would watch as his father’s temper simmered and peaked to an astonishing explosion. His angry, fearful, eyes tracked the Generals movements, always waiting for the moment that his anger would turn to him, it always did.

Sesshomaru was an aristocrat in the demon society due to his father’s prestigious role in the community. His father valued the titles and pressured him to live up to the expectations he placed on him. Sesshomaru’s childhood was taken from him as he was forced to learn and grow quickly. Often, Sesshomaru's temper caused humiliating scenes that lead to beatings that left him clinging to life in his mother’s arms. He learned to contain his rage that boiled within him, as well as hide the turbulent emotions that filled him with dread and hatred.

He knew when his father was going to bloody his nose. He felt the warning in the aura like a whip that cut him to his soul. When his father’s fist collided, it was against the iron will of his son’s want for acknowledgment. Picking himself off of the ground and looking his father once more in the eyes, he knew it would set him into a rampage. His mother would try and calm him but she too would suffer.

"Turn your eyes from your superiors, your stare offends me." He growled, flinging his arms out and shoving Sesshomaru's mother aside.

His father was a man of war, his power earned from the brute force and his cunning skills in battles throughout the centuries of his lifespan. His men feared him - all feared him - and none so much as the boy that felt the brunt of the general’s frustration. Sesshomaru learned to be wary of nights where his father worked late with his men. Those were nights of which he would wake to being thrown from his bed to the ground and beaten until he fell unconscious, and his father’s rage was sated. He learned to sleep far into the forest, beyond the reach of his father’s anger during those days.

Growing, he was expected to fight and show his worth as the great general’s heir. The other males of the tribe tested and tormented him for that very reason. When he was still yet a mere welp, older demons stole the food that was meant for his mother and him, forcing him to hunt as soon as he could use his claws. He was skinny, malnourished, but his father was relentless in forcing the issue by making him travel the same path passed the boys and making him face them time and time again. He was sullen, quiet, knowing that each word spoken would be used against him by friend and foe, so he kept to himself unless forced to interact.

"Sesshomaru, I want you to be happy," his mother would tell him while soothing the broken skin of his chin and lips with salve. She brushed his silver hair from his face and he frowned. He had not been able to fend off the attacks of the three particular demons that tormented him, he had been injured too much to go hunting afterward and his stomach rumbled with the pains that meant he would be hungry until his father returned from the skirmish.

"What do I have to be happy about? Father will never be pleased with me, I will continue to be targeted by the others." He said. She was the only one he would speak openly with, the only one he trusted.

She nodded knowing that what he said was true. "You will be strong someday, Sesshomaru. You must train under your father. He is cruel, difficult to please and his temper is unmatched. These are things that have made him what he is. But I wish for you to be greater than he is, Sesshomaru. I want you to find happiness worth protecting." She said to him.

"I do not understand mother," he said.

"It’s hard to explain, perhaps one day you will be able to understand for yourself." She said and kissed his forehead. His mother was hungry too, she relied on the food that he brought for them and he knew that his father would be merciless if she was any weaker when he returned. He had placed him in charge over her well-being and he was failing miserably, the gauntness in her once rounded cheeks showed his weakness.

Sesshomaru’s mother held him tightly to her chest and tried to coax him to sleep. He struggled against the pull of sleep, his stomach in knots from hunger and anticipation for the following day.

"Shh," she hushed him as he wined low, trying to turn over once more to find a more comfortable position. He stilled knowing that his restless tossing was keeping more than just himself awake. His eyes met his mother's understanding smile and she brought her hand up to run her fingers through his hair. He wrinkled his nose at the show of affection but settled against her chest, feeling the warmth of her love for him.

The next day would prove to be difficult. Tomorrow, like every day before, he would travel by the river where the three inu males who tormented him would lay in wait for him to pass. He went through the familiar routine of gathering the baskets and readying the flasks then securing them to his pack, the proper preparations for retrieving the supplies that were much needed.

Passing multiple tents, he quietly avoided eye contact while passing the demons that would kill him for even a wrong breath. Sesshomaru could hear the gentle lull of the river before he saw it. He looked for the troublemakers that would insure his workload doubled as well as a beating for his trouble. However, they were nowhere to be seen and Sesshomaru hurried on to the village square.

In the early morning, the storage building where the rations were being divvied was only being attended by one inu. Sesshomaru approached the old demon with wariness, his distrust in the other inu apparent in his rigid shoulders and his defensive stance.

"Sesshomaru, you're earlier than usual. Are you going to the cliffside to watch for the warriors coming back from the battlefield?" He asked. Sesshomaru looked at him with apprehension and the demon read the dread on his face. "Your father will be among them, do not fear for his life." He continued, misinterpreting the look. Sesshomaru masked his nerves and hurried back to his trail with his bundle secured.

He was almost home when he was grabbed by the haori and flung backwards. He growled and lashed out, not wanting to play with these inu today. They laughed at the reaction and he felt the impact of a fist to his jaw, then the liquid that filled his mouth. He spat blood and wrenched his arm free, coming face to face with the ringleader who towered over him.

"Takeda, release me. I have no time to fight with you today, my father is near with his men and I must return home." Sesshomaru urged the boy. Amusement flashed through Takeda's citron eyes as he ran his claws through his hair and pretended to think about it. Laughing, he snapped his fingers.

"Let’s teach him to respect his betters. Make him scream then take his rations. There's no need for food to be wasted on a weakling like you, you do not deserve to be called the son of the great general... Awe are you going to cry, Sesshomaru? Or should I say “Shinta”? That seems a more fitting of a name for a soft, weak boy like you." Takeda grabbed a fist full of Sesshomaru's hair and wrenched his neck back, baring his neck to the group in submission.

Clenching his fists, Sesshomaru roared and raged against the restraints of the boy’s grasp. A spark of fire lit within him at the mention of his weakness and he found a fountain of rage that made his will concrete. For the first time, Sesshomaru felt the unquenchable urge to soak his claws in their blood. He felt the prick of their claws digging into his arms and the dull ache of his scalp intensify. Fury bled from his veins into his eyes, his face contorted with animalistic ferocity and piercing red eyes.

He pulled his arms from the grasp of the two boys with newfound strength. The boys gasped in shock before Takeda’s subordinate attempted to contain Sesshomaru once more. As soon as the fight began anew, it was over. Sesshomaru claws slit the boy’s throat immediately, remorselessly. Blood ran onto the ground, soaking into the grass and wetting the soles of his boots. Takeda’s eye widened and he growled,reaching to grab Sesshomaru by the throat. Sesshomaru grabbed his fist and broke his arm in rage. Adrenaline and testosterone filtered throughout Sesshomaru’s system, he heard his heartbeat in his ears and it drove him to kill the remaining boys. Takada looked to his two friends, one dead and the other attempting to revive him, and then to the crazed face of Sesshomaru. He quickly weighed the costs of fighting against this boy with only one working arm.

"Sano, let’s go." He said and grabbed the other arm of their dead friend. Sesshomaru panted, coming down from his high as his enemies retreating forms dissipated in the distance.

When he returned to his mother's tent, he found that she was awake and tending to the laundry. Her eyes widened when she saw the blood that adorned his pant legs and sleeves of his haori. She dropped her cloth on the dirt and rushed to him.

"What happened Sesshomaru?" She asked, checking him with panicked motions. Only after she inspected him from head to toe did she calm. He was fine, save small cuts and bruises that seemed to always decorate his body.

"I killed one of the boys. They ran away and I kept our food mother, we can eat today." He stated flatly and handed her the blood-splattered parcel. She took it, her eyes dimming with grief.

Sesshomaru had not expected her reaction to be so and he felt the pangs of disappointment within his body. At last they could eat, and they would no longer be bothered by the children. Why was she not triumphant for this small victory? He was both bitter and confused with the things he was feeling, the kill had felt right, they had planned on hurting him, again, and he could not allow his mother to suffer more for his weakness, he had to stand up to them.

Waiting at the cliff's edge, Sesshomaru, along with several tribe members, watched with solemn anticipation for the warriors that had survived. However, Sesshomaru was not there for sentiment. He watched solely out of duty as heir to the general.. His father’s fate was already known and thus he was not surprised when he rode into the village, galant and staring Sesshomaru down with his piercing stare.

Inu no Taisho dismounted and stepped passed his son without a backward glance. Sesshomaru knew to follow him without being told, this was expected. Upon entering their tent, Sesshomaru was thrust out and made to wait while his father and mother coupled. He sat on the grass beneath a tree not far from their tent and waited for the scent of their hormones to fade away. There would be one chance to see his father before he immersed himself into training and the teachings of a new soldier.

"Sesshomaru." His father's voice rang out.

Sesshomaru jolted from his daydream and stood. He heard his father's movements, the rustling of clothing and then he was beckoned into the tent. He went slowly, not sure why his father had called out to him. He had never done so before and it made him wary.

"Father?" He said, meeting his father's stare and trying not to wrinkle his nose against the scents that bombarded his senses. Inu no Taisho looked at his son with a sense of mild curiosity.

"Have you killed Keita, the son of my guard?" He asked.

"I do not know their names, only that he had violated this Sesshomaru's person for the last time." Sesshomaru said, knowing that his father would find out and punish him for any omission or lie. His father chuckled and Sesshomaru felt his stomach knot at the horrific sound. He ached to look up to see his mother. He scented tears and felt her sadness like a veil separating them.

"Very good. This is the day you have made me not regret your existence. You have begun to gain power enough to take life. You are done looking after your mother here. From tomorrow forward, you will become the epitome of your name, “Killing Perfection”. Leave us now and return when the sun is gone." He dismissed him.

Feeling anxiety beyond anything that he had felt before, he looked up and glanced at his mother's still form. She was kneeling elegantly with her hair veiled over her tear-filled eyes. His father growled and pushed his head down to make him look at the ground. He tore his eyes from the ground and glared up at the man that dared to ignore his existence and then rip him away from everything he had.

Inu no Taisho felt the challenge in his son's stare and stepped forward, cocking his fist back and sending the boy flying across the tent. He saw the woman ready to run to him, but stilled her with a warning growl. Sesshomaru struggled from the ground and his sire bent down to grab him by the scruff of his neck.

There was no going back now that his father's eyes had turned on him. He shook himself free of his father’s grasp and fled for his life into the forest. There, he took his rage out on the trees and boulders that crossed his still growing fists. He clenched his teeth and growled out his frustration before sitting down and panting, finally drained of his anger to the point of exhaustion. Putting his claws in his shoulder length hair, Sesshomaru cried. He mourned the time he spent in his mother's warm embrace after the harsh rants and beatings his father delivered, he grieved for the torment waiting for him the next day. Finally, he could not shed any more tears and swallowed them up into himself, vowing that those would be the last tears that he would allow. He stood and swallowed down the emotions that ran rampant through his soul, he stilled the raging growl that made his heart race, and wiped the wetness and grime from his cheeks. Sesshomaru looked down at the markings that branded his wrists. They marked him and cursed him.

Sesshomaru did not stay long. After all trace of his breakdown had been covered, he returned to the place where his mother waited for him. Inu no Taisho was gone. He was across the village, living amongst his men. He dared not to look in the direction of his father's dwelling place, the place that would be home to him as well. He opened the flap to his mother's home and bowed to her. She beckoned him close and drew him into an embrace.

Instead of resting, his mother suggested a walk through the forest. Soon they strolled silently, an air of contemplation between them. Their thoughts were interrupted shortly as the scent of drunken beings filled the area. Out of the darkness of the forest, two humans stumbled and crossed the  path of the demoness and her pup. Taking him behind her, Sesshomaru watched his mother summon poison to her claws and growl a warning. The humans came closer, their bodies poised to fight even in their drunken stupor. Perhaps if they had been sober, they would have noticed that a demon stood in front of them.

With amazed eyes , Sesshomaru watched his mother dispatch the humans and wipe the dirt from her hands and robes. "Humans are filthy creatures. If you let them, they will destroy you. It is much better to destroy them first." She said and urged him to accept her wisdom. He nodded and they continued. He thought about what happened, rolled it around in his mind and he still did not understand his mother's actions. She would kill humans in defense of him, but she had been heartbroken when he had made his own kill earlier.

"You will be cared for. The soldiers get rations first because you are our first line of defense. You see, there you will be taught to fight, be given a weapon and allowed to accompany your father on missions when you are skilled enough. This is a chance for you to gain some of the respect that will allow you to thrive."

"Mother, I know that I am small for my age, father thinks I am a disgrace. Yet since I have killed this one enemy, he means to make me into a warrior, is that correct?" He asked with eyes far wiser than his age. She nodded and he sighed, crossing his arms behind his head. The moon was full that night and Sesshomaru felt the strengthening aura given by the moon's light.

"You are incredible, Sesshomaru. You will become stronger even then your father. I believe in your strength and your heart. Please don't forget the things in which I have taught you." She asked him.

Sesshomaru looked at his mother, not understanding the way she urged him to promise. She had taught him so much, he could not imagine forgetting all of it and so he nodded. "Mother I could not forget.”

And so they continued to walk, silence resumed.

Three months passed in waves of misery and pain. Sesshomaru fought constantly to keep what little dignity he had managed to retain among the ranks of new soldiers. The more experienced soldiers kicked him and stole from him like the enemies of the village did. He was near feral, starving and becoming more ruthless with each day passing. He began tearing and snapping at the limbs of inu soldiers that tormented him, until his reputation of eating the flesh from bones was a true fear among the squads.

His snarl grew more vicious, his claws were sharpened on the bones of his enemies and they began to leave him alone enough to eat. His father watched on with apathy. He snickered at his weight loss and criticized his form when brawling for the scraps given. But when he became big enough to fight for his nourishment and win, his father allowed it and gave him his rations due.

When he began to claim the nourishment he needed, his being flourished and filled.

At night, by the light of the watch fires, he stared at the stars that shined above him and waited for the next challenger to try and stain the ground with his blood. He was beginning to be feared among the newer recruits. Even his father's stare had begun to soften. At last, he was becoming great. Soon, he would be even greater than his father.

When five years had past with solid training. Sesshomaru was allowed to accompany his father on missions, they were mostly raids though. Sesshomaru had become a wiry youth of fifteen, skilled in hand to hand combat and with the only temper proven more deadly than the general’s. He did as his father asked, and with every kill and every victory brought home to the village, his heart became more closed off until nothing could faze him. Not even the blood spray of his comrades as they fought side by side in the years to come.

At the age of twenty Sesshomaru was stronger than most and completely shrouded in a dark, brooding silence from the years of training battle. He was given his own commission having surpassed his father's expectation and gained the respect of the village leaders. He was not rewarded though. His father handed him the commission to invade the territory of the spider and walked away. By the age of twenty, Sesshomaru was broadened from the years of training, his muscles were hard from the battles and beatings he'd survived. Even his amber stare held an edge that made the inus wary.

Inu no Taisho saw the growth of his son both physically and mentally. The boy was no longer a soft whelp, looking for his mother's comfort. He had the edge of a warrior and the instinct of a killer and it pleased him. But, he was still so weak.

Sesshomaru faced each mission with the utmost respect and cunning. His father entrusted him with the missions that required the most amount of sacrifice and hardship. At times, he laid siege on a neighboring village. Others, he fought merciless bands of demons bent for domination. He was hardened by battle and, with each victory, he grew more proud.

As more time passed, Sesshomaru began to wonder whether his childhood had all been a test to prepare him for this moment. He was a machine, built for slaughter and he excelled at it. He felt nothing as his claws sliced through flesh and bone, only the satisfaction of the kill and knowledge of his strength.

His father's amused stare would find him often, and he felt the rage build up in him from years of neglect and abuse. His father went out of his way to make his work harder, sometimes reducing him to a heap on the ground from the lessons in sparring. These times enraged him beyond words. He hated to lose. He often felt the gnawing ache in his claws to shred his father to pieces, but he dared not show it. His control was too good to let this rage slip. If it did, he would die before he could exact his revenge.

Sesshomaru became a master of calm. He meditated constantly, pushing pain and anger to the back of his mind to make room for the information he pursued. There were rumors among his village that he had sold his soul to the power that he gained in leaps and bounds. He surpassed demon after demon, not caring whether that demon was a novice or an expert in his craft. Sesshomaru did not lose to anyone. He would not allow his will to be bent and his resolve became iron His newfound sense of being even planted the seed of fear in his father from the power he gained so quickly. The amber stare that Sesshomaru once had no longer showed fear or hatred. His calm facade showed nothing save the calm of an undisturbed pool of water. And so, Inu no Tashio began to  watch his son with wariness.

Sesshomaru visited his mother frequently, though she grew more and more distant from him. He saw the disappointment and the anger in her eyes when she looked at him, and he wondered what he had done to earn her displeasure. She never said anything, only welcomed him into her tent and embraced him like she did when he was a pup. He did not respond to her pampering, having hardened his heart even to his her.

Sesshomaru came to see whether she was taken care of and checked her rations and her hearth. He found both to be adequately furnished and he left her company after an hour of resting. She stared after him and whined low when he closed the door behind him. Sesshomaru frowned and shut the feelings aside that made him want to turn back. He could not look back, only forward.

Taking his place in the soldiers barracks, he sat up listening to the sounds of the inus' slumber all around him. He hated the smell of these dogs, he hated the fleas and the smell of sweat in the area. Sesshomaru stood from his place and walked into the night. It was not his turn for guard duty, but he had to escape the crowded room. Close by, he could hear the sound of his father's footsteps. He was coming closer and Sesshomaru stood his ground, ready to face his father no matter what. The huge aura of his sire met him with dominating force. He met a similar amber stare and did not flinch when his father's hand raised to slap him. The resounding smack echoed through the camp. "You dare meet my eye when you are not even fit to walk on the same ground that I stand on."

Sesshomaru felt rage and attempted to suppress it. Yet a part of him snapped inside and Sesshomaru looked at his father with an eerily calm confidence. "Father, I am fit to do only as you have created me to do." He stated.

Inu no Taisho growled and brought his fist back to slap him once more. "Oh, and what were you created to do?" He dared, waiting for the comment that would lead to the most recent of pummeling.

"It is simple father… I have learned that I was created to become a monster." Sesshomaru replied,waiting for his father’s fist to connect with his flesh once more.

Inu no Taisho considered his son's words and lowered his hand. "Then you finally understand." He murmured and walked passed him, descending into the night.

Sesshomaru looked after his father with a sense of wonder and loathing.  I was created to be a monster. This is what I am

Thank you and I hope to see you soon! 

-Inuyokaidreamer, out


INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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