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Matsui Aiko (Chapter 6) - Tue 13 May 2014

More? Pwease?


cindy (Chapter 6) - Sun 05 Jan 2014

love it


joyouki (Chapter 6) - Sun 05 Jan 2014

SO CRUEL TO LEAVE IT THERE LOL!!! LOVE YOUR STORY

 


rose (Chapter 6) - Sat 04 Jan 2014

next chapter please


xoMIA ;) (Chapter 6) - Sat 04 Jan 2014

Yay love it!!!


xoMIA ;) (Chapter 5) - Thu 02 Jan 2014

Yay so excited for the next one!!!!


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 5) - Wed 01 Jan 2014

Late but great, keep it coming. Happy New Year!


Rhonda (Chapter 1) - Wed 01 Jan 2014

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for the update.

I really LOVE this fic!!!  I was thinking about it yesterday and was going to search for it so to say I was pleased that you had posted another chappie would be an understatement!!

Looking forward to more!!


consuelo marquez (Chapter 5) - Wed 01 Jan 2014

argh! just...just...argh!  Kikyo is a dumb bitch. she thinks she's hot stuff and whatnot.  i HOPE that she gets shanked so hard. im venting/raging a bit here.     well if you need any help with the story or anything, im free at any time  :)    if you want, we would exchange ideas and build from there or anything  (that...that sounds wrong, but you know what i mean) 


Kimberly Morris (Chapter 4) - Wed 13 Nov 2013

Oh, Kikyo is going down, down, down! How could Inuyasha want to be with her if she wanted to fuck Sesshomaru just to spite Kagome. What a bitch!!

On a side note, I don't really hate Kikyo, but I don't have no love for her, either.

Anyways, keep it coming!!!


Akita (Chapter 4) - Fri 08 Nov 2013

Things ARE about to go down....WRITE MORE!


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 4) - Fri 08 Nov 2013

Kagome is so cool, one man is not enough for Kikyo the little whore, she going to get her butt handed to her. Keep it coming.


xoMIA ;) (Chapter 4) - Fri 08 Nov 2013

Yay another wonderful chapter! Can't wait for the next one!!!


rose (Chapter 4) - Fri 08 Nov 2013

next chapter please


Kasey (Chapter 4) - Fri 08 Nov 2013

*Squeals and jumps around in an ecastic frenzy* Yes! I flipping LOVE a Kagome who doesn't take any crap, and I LOVE this story! More more more! you must write more! You've made a fan out of me ^-^


None (Chapter 4) - Thu 07 Nov 2013

I've read a little of your story and some of the reviews.  Your use of punctuation is actually fairly good as if the grammar, and spelling.  The reviewers are quite correct in their assessment of the Point of View changes between characters being too jarring, and distracting from the story.  

You tend to leap from one POV to another too often so it breaks the story narrative into multiple parts, good for a film-script, but not so good for a piece of fiction.  

It just confuses the reader.

Another thing is that you really shouldn't put Author Notes or A/N: Notes in the actual text of your story, A/N messages should be placed at the beginning as part of the disclaimer or warnings section of the chapter, OR, at the very end, and not as part of the chapter content.  

This is also distracting.

Additionally you need to put the dialouge of different characters into separate paragraphs.  If Kagome is having a conversation with another person it should not read like this:

"I don't need your help!" screamed Kagome.  "Well I'm going to help you anyway!  So there!" snarled Inuyasha.

These should be separated like this into separate paragraphs:

Example:

"I don't need your help!" screamed Kagome.

"Well I'm going to help you anyway!  So there!" snarled Inuyasha.

 

The separation of the dialouge as indicated above helps the reader to avoid confusion in which character is speaking when to to whom.

I believe that a beta could help you polish the above issues, but in reality you may actually need to rewite some portions to remove or merge several of the POV portions together into one narrative piece.

You can use the perspective of different characters in a chapter but it takes practice to do it consistently without resorting to posting 'POV' tags through out your story. 

 

Overall a good story but it does need some polishing to be more readable.

~ Pyre

 


Tsukiyome Thaiso (Chapter 4) - Thu 07 Nov 2013

Oh my gods !!!!Kags  have to knock that out Kiky-pig  lifeless body !I began to feel sorry for cow!!! umm........ !! I DO NOT THINK !!


Gabbie (Chapter 3) - Thu 07 Nov 2013

Wow.  Congratulations! For a first lemon, that was quick good.  Looking forward to the next chapter.  It will be interesting to witness Inuyasha's reaction to not only the growing relationship between Sesshie and Kagome but the possiblity of Kagome becoming pregnant. 

Once again, congrats and I'm looking forward to the next installment(s).


xoMIA ;) (Chapter 3) - Thu 07 Nov 2013

I love this story it's wonderful. The only thing I have to say is that you're POV's aren't really necessary and when you have them talking they should really be spaced apart, it becomes confusing sometimes reading all of what they're saying back to back. But if you don't feel like changing it then that's fine too just some advice. :) You're doing very well for your first story. I can't wait for another chapter!!!


Midnight (Chapter 1) - Thu 07 Nov 2013

^_^ I like it so far. I like the long chapter and I hope to be able to read more soon.


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