Thanks, starfyre I'll correct them immediately! That is a great idea, at least it'll make my poor first chapter a little longer in appearance :) thanks for the review! :)
| So far it sounds like the beginning of a really great story. There are a few minor errors that you might want to correct, like capitalization of I. I would recommend that you break up that last paragraph into several, or at least into two seperate ones. The plot is good, and I look forward to where you will take this in the future. Hope it helps for what it's worth! :) ~Starfyre    
 | It's a great beginning. I hope to be able to read more soon.    
 | This story sounds interesting, keep it coming.    
 
rose (Chapter 1) - Tue 05 Mar 2013 | i like this so far i cant wait for the next chapter    
 
xDori (Chapter 1) - Tue 05 Mar 2013 | ohh interesting..     
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