Reviews for Ravished by Luna C.

xDori (Chapter 1) - Sun 24 Feb 2013

whoa, intense scene... 


smcandy (Chapter 3) - Mon 28 Jan 2013

Looking very promising I hope you’ll update more when you can ^^

Sincerely,

Authoress smcandy


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 3) - Sun 27 Jan 2013

Keep it coming, Happy New Year!


LinguisticFanatic (Chapter 2) - Mon 31 Dec 2012

Once again another good chapter.  I'll be waiting for the next.


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 2) - Mon 31 Dec 2012

Keep it coming.


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 1) - Thu 27 Dec 2012

This story sounds interesting, keep it coming. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


*~*Missy*~* (Chapter 1) - Thu 27 Dec 2012

Oh my dear, I love it so!  I cannot believe you left off there!  I'm so intrigued now.  Write more soon, i'll be anxiously awating *goes to fav this story*


LinguisticFanatic (Chapter 1) - Wed 26 Dec 2012

Good first chapter.  I'm looking forward to seeing where this is going.

 

The only thing I can comment about is as I was reading there was something weird going on.  I've been trying to pinpoint what it was, but can't pin it down to anything other than "It seems like you're changing tenses or POV in the middle of paragraphs, but it only shows up on individual words and not in complete sentences or thoughts."

Since that's in no way shape or form a useful paragraph I'll give you an example of where I started catching this:

"She leapt over a root, shrinking beneath quivering branches and reaches a field."  I think my issue with this sentence all revolves around the word "reaches".  My brain kept stopping on that word and going "No!  Reached...she reached a field.  She either "leaps" over and rood and reaches a field or she's "leapt" over a root and reached a field."  There were a few other instances of this (I think I only paused about three or four times.) throughout the chapter.

Other than finding random words here and there I had no problem with the story.  I'm sorry if it seems nitpicky about wording I annoy people who talk to me in person with such things as well, and if I came across harsh in how I conveyed it I'm sorry.  My brain normally has one tone of voice when I write comments, but sometimes people read my them in another.


INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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