Did you know that you tense jump? From past tense (had, was, said, pointed) to present tense (has, is, says, points)? I'm so used to it being one way or another, with the exception of dialog, that it kind of throws me for a loop. I tend to pause and reread all the places where it's written in present tense in past tense as that is what most of the chapter is in. The pausing kinda... um... torments me because I get taken out of the groove of the story. There are a tiny sprinkle of oddities where your words don't always match up, for example drown (to lack the ability to take in air underwater and start to die) instead of drawn (to be pulled toward).  I wasn't sure you knew, so I just wanted to bring it to your attention. ~~~~Beyond that, I can say I truly do enjoy the story so far. Well written, baring the oddities, well planned, well executed. I quite like the lead in. It's simple, clean, but far from boring. Your story is so interesting, I can't see myself NOT reading because of the few odd words here and there. Trust me, that's saying something. I'm so lazy I could be the poster child for it, so mentally correcting generally does not work with my personality. However, by your hand, I have been sucked in when no chance of escape. I look forward to the rest. Onward, my lady. Lead me where you will. 

--KD

I love this story! I am on the edge of my seat sitting here at work reading this! I sooo can't wait until the down and dirty smut begins! The anticipation has my heart pounding! Please, please, please, please, and PLEASE undate soon!!!! xoxoxox

Aha, the plot sure thickens around this mysterious kelpie! He's still so damnably hot though...it's ridiculous *huffs* Miroku realized a little too late that hell hath no fury than a woman scorned lol! He should be more careful in the future and learn from this lesson. I'm really curious to know what Yasuhiro is going to do now, hm....

Lovely chapter, angel! I enjoyed it a lot and can't wait for the next! keep up the good work ^_^

Looks like I need to go back & watch teh anime again, I halfway remember this episode or something similar. Just as an FYI when Kiyo-hime bites Miroku withering is something plants do when they die, to shrivel; fade; decay, the word you wanted was writhing, to twist, as in pain, struggle, or embarrassment.

Both chapters are great, keep it coming.

Ahhh, what a sexy new character you've added to the mix here. Yasuhiro really gives off sensuality in thick waves...I do envy Sango *chuckles* I can't wait to see what's his history and what you're planing to do with him next! I believe I've mentioned before that Naraku may be a sadistic bastard, but he definitely brings out this feeling of twisted pleasure...I'd love to see some hardcore lime with him *drools* Ignore that comment lol Miroku could sure use a taste of his own medicine! Make it extra bitter xD

Loved the chapter! I'm waiting anxiously to see what happens next ^^

My only wish is for a fantastically happy ending and to keep enjoying this my continuing to read :] 

OKaaay...I was expecting the whole lesbian thing, but not the Naraku thing. Wow.

I'm currently procrastinating going to sleep...I want to read more :D

Sounds like thsi is going to be good. I mean, if the prize in a game was Sesshomaru, I'd definitely want to win.

Keep it coming.

Looks like everyone is contemplating something. I wanna see what is next for Sango and Miroku! I love separate journeys that somehow all seem to come (back) together. I also really like Haru's story and hope we get some more of her and if she finally cracks, considers herself Kagome's friend, and therefore spills the beans on her status as mate. I can't wait to see what happens next :)

I love this story, please update soon :) Sesshomaru is so sexy in it!

Very well put!  

As someone said to me not too long ago: 'If a wrong conclusion can be reached, it will be reached'! Lol Poor Kagome, thinking she has become a dirty mistress...Thankfully, Sesshy finally cleared that misunderstanding up! Now, if only she could set aside her lingering feelings for Inu and realize the great opportunity that lies before her...

Great chapter!! I especially enjoyed the naughty lime! Well written, my friend, well written :)

I can't wait for the next exciting chapter! Don't think I have forgotten that you promised some drama for my delight!

such a great chapter though I'm nervous at how upset kagome is going to be at sess when she wakes up lol... so much tension from all coners. sai, sango& miroku.. Inuyasha and the fog... you have so many pots on the stove but you seem to be handling it well.. I hope the next update is soon!!! :)

Your beta missed a misused word:

"Torch"er\, n. One who gives light with a torch, or as if with a torch. [Obs.] --Shak.

"Torture" is the word you were going for.

I love the pace you've set the story to.  Too many writers try to rush everything.  I like all the little details that you bring out in the story.  That includes actions and thoughts of others, too.  I feel sorry for Sai but I still would not trust her.  She's eventually going to go completely psycho when she discovers the real Naraku and that he is merely using her.  Also, when she is faced with the truth that she can never have Kagome.  I don't see her keeping her sanity after she's confronted with those 2 discoveries.  I think she will feel betrayed by them both and try to kill them out of revenge.  Of course, if she does away with Naraku, that's OK.

Gah! One conversation would solve amuck of their angst, yet still leave plenty for the story! Talk, dammit you two! lol. Can't wait for her to find out that SHE is his intended mate, please let it happen soon!

Keep it coming, Happy New Year!