I am really not a fr an of the original  characters  or kagomes relationship with him

this was a good story. i liked it a lot. this was a different plot and it was a good one. keep up the good writing. c'ya

before i begin i hope the pairing is ses,kag or inupapa kag..

I'm so very pleased with how this lovely idea blossomed into a worthwhile and entertaining story. The sharp left at Albuquerque Amistad the trauma of dealing with Naraku was stunning and so very inovative. You could have spent more time with Kagura  and Nataku later,  but I'm glad you didnt. I really enjoyed the emotional development you concentrated on. It was very nicely done. Thanks for sharing your talent. 

This story was amazing and I enjoyed it, Happy New Year!

Great story well written. Thank you for all the hard work you put in to it. Happy new year.

Trouble, keep it coming

Yep. Kagura's up to no good.

Hope to read more as soon as possible.

Lovely chapters, keep it coming. Happy Valentine's Day!

Wonderful, keep it coming. Happy New Year!

Great, keep it coming. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I've stopped at Chapter 10/11 to write a review, and I'll continue reading later. I wanted to write all of this to you before I forgot it all. My memory is horrible. XD

The good stuff:

I love the fact that you've got Kagome finally telling Inuyasha off for being a childish jerk. Especially with the way you've done it - it's not just one thing that's the 'last straw' that he's done that's pushed her over the edge. You've done this in a way that has Inuyasha actually THINKING - after a while anyway - and that's great.

I also really like the fact that you used Rin as a catalyst for Sesshomaru to seek out Kagome, but that the illness was not a major part of the story or his reasons for liking her - which has become a pretty common plotline here on Dokuga.

And your descriptions on the way people look are great - I was really able to envision the Generals when you described them, and that's an important skill for an author - one that a lot of fanfiction writers don't realize they lack.

The bad stuff:

You are consistently misspelling some words, and I don't think it's deliberate, since you don't really have that many typos overall. Such as, you keep using the word 'wandering' for the word 'wondering'. Ex: "Sesshomaru is always wandering the countryside." "Kagome was wondering why Sesshomaru wanders the countryside." I would suggest looking through your story again and double checking things that might look weird to you. "Dew knot deep end on Word." It won't catch spelling errors if the word actually exists.

Also, while presentation can sometimes mean introductions - as in at a ball, "Now presenting his lordship, Sesshomaru-sama!" - generally when people are first meeting in an informal setting they say 'introduce' or 'introduction', not 'present' or 'presentation'. I've read way too many lemons on Dokuga, and reading the word 'present' the way you've been using it makes me think of when authors have Sesshomaru demand that Kagome 'present' herself for him - as in getting into doggy position.

The in-between stuff:

While your writing style is decent - you describe things well, you really get into the character's heads and you don't have too much in the way of real typos - what you might want to work on is the way that you have characters interacting.

Sessh and his beast, for one, are bickering in a somewhat childish manner - while I appreciate the way the beast speaks, Sessh insisting 'I'm NOT in love with her!' when the beast did not mention love yet, only jealousy and some interest, is not very mature and is more what I would expect from Inuyasha if he were to have an argument with his beast.

And Kagome is being a brat. Insisting that Tsukiya tell her the reason he protected her to the point where he just gives up after a few questions seems rude to a point that I didn't really think she was capable of. It also doesn't seem quite realistic. It was at this point where I would have liked to see some of the other Generals jump in and distract her or something, rather than publicly embarass both herself AND him. No one should be forced to explain that kind of feeling, in front of a group of people, by the person that feeling is for, without them being ready for it.

Also, I'm seeing almost no interaction now from the humans. Where is Miroku? His 'cursed' hand is not groping her or Sango every few minutes, and he's not even making dirty jokes in the background. Sango should be smacking him around some, which would ease the tension between them and their new youkai friends. And Shippou isn't running around playing tricks on Inuyasha. It would really be interesting to see the Generals interacting with the Inu-tachi.

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Overall I like the story and you've got a good start on writing. You just need to work on your interactions and making sure you know what your words mean. I look forward to seeing more!

Saeko

next chapter please

Good, keep it coming Happy Belated Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas

Good, keep it coming Happy Belated Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas