HENTAI?

Lemony good, excellent descriptions especially in the first three quarters of this one shot.  At the end it looses some of it's impact.  What starts out as very descriptive and highly sensual, changes into something more banal.  The ending is rushed and the beautiful language that you started with is gone with sophistication that the characters initially displayed.

Overall a nice lemon.

A nice one-shot full of lemony goodness.  It seemed a little rushed here and there, but I think that was kind of an effect of having a lot of short sentences in one paragraph, instead of smoothing it out with more complex sentences.  But overall, it was good.

Oh goodness!  What a lemony gift! I liked the flow of the story as well as Kagome's characterization.  You had some spelling problems here and there but nothing that really took away from the enjoyment of the fic.  Nice job.

ducky out!

Not bad.. It was an enjoyable read.  The only thing that really bothers me is that there are way too many sentences that begin with He or She. 

example:

"You taste so good." He mumbled against her shoulder. She grinned and pushed him away gently. She straddled his leg. Her lips met his as her hand slide down his bare well toned chest to his waiting manhood. He whimpered against her lips. She turned his head and ran her tongue up his cheek to his ear. She nipped it as his arm went around her to her thigh. His claws dug into her outer thigh dragging them up her leg. She stroked his manhood while she nipped at his sensitive ears and neck. Blood clouded the water as his claws slide deeper into her thigh.

Instead of - She grinned and pushed him away.  She straddled his leg. -

You could have said - Gently pushing him away, Kagome stradled his leg with a grin. -

Beginning so many sentences with he or she, followed by an action, becomes monotonous.  Aside from that, it was rather nice with a minimum of spelling errors, and those were very minor - like using 'slide' when you meant to use 'slid'.

The biggest problem I noticed with this story is there is no real flow to it.  There's too many short sentences saying that he did this, then she did that, over and over.  Try combinging some of the sentences to help things move more smoothly.  Also quite a few typos as the other reviewers have mentioned.  I'd really recommend getting a beta and having one will do wonders for you, and help you improve your writing.

I liked this very much, and while there were a few inconsistancies, a good beta should be able to help. Sometimes, you can even catch this stuff on your own. Slide vs Slid, Stork vs Stroke, and kio vs koi. A thesaurus (now I think I am spelling that wrong ^^;) will help you to not be so repetitive with adjectives. Anyways, I hope you continue. I would like to hear about why Kags likes pain, and why they agreed to meet in 2 days but went back to camp not hiding anything. The backstory is always fun for me. I will have you on alert. Kudos!

There were a few inconsistencies with the grammar/spelling and with additional random words:

*If he only knew when he she was hiding - I guess you were missing something here

*he slide into the water - should be slid

*storking it - stroking

All in all, the composition and story is well done, even though you repeat descriptive words very closely, sometimes within the same sentence or paragraph.

My only question is why have Sess & Kagome agree to seeing each other again in 2 nights and then have her confess to InuYasha about them being together, kinda takes away from the mystery of it all.

your had a good plot for your story, however your follow through left me a little confuzed at some points to be honest... you did a fine job don't get me wrong, but my recomendation would be to have a beta look over it, or just proof read it yourself a day or so after you have written it so you are looking at it with fresh eyes and are able to see things you may not have been able to see before...i will  look forward to reading more of  your stories in the furture!