Reviews for Overcast skies by electrika

V (Chapter 3) - Thu 17 Mar 2011

Well, it's too soon to tell how you will play the graduate school card--and interesting idea btw since that's an obscure and yet very entertaining world if you play it right. Nevertheless, a suggestion: though you mentioned it would be short chapters, yours feel more like broken atemporal conversations sequenced in no particular order. You need to give them more cohesiveness by either creating conversations that encapsulate a sub-plot without leaving it hanging, or shortening those conversations and providing more descriptions of the situation or moment you're writing about. Please don't take this in a wrong way since I'm saying this with the best intentions or in a constructive way.

Good luck on your writing!

V


Hedda (Chapter 1) - Wed 16 Mar 2011

First of all, congratulations for your release of your first work! I am very glad you finally found the courage!

Your story has an interesting premise (Sesshomaru deeply involved with Kagura) and I like Kagome's world of emotion at the end of the chapter. Well done!

One technical thing, though. Given the length of the chapters this should be considered a Oneshot-Collection and not a chapter story. They must be a minimum of 700 words per chapter (average). You can change this editing the properties of the story. =)

Otherwise, nice work!

=)


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