There are a lot of he's, her's, and him's and it makes it very difficult to follow who you are talking about. You should go back and re-edit it to make it clearer who is being talked about.
swift death (Chapter 1) - Sun 13 Mar 2011
sorry, meant wasn't sappy or chessy
swift death (Chapter 1) - Sun 13 Mar 2011
that was one of best well put stories i have read in a very long while, it was sappy or cheesy, i can't think of the words to describe it, well done
Beautiful! I sighed in pure contentment at the end! Love it!
Rin (Chapter 1) - Sat 12 Mar 2011
Awww that was really cute. I love finishing a story with warm fuzzies. <3
I'm going to admit there were a couple places I had to re-read to figure out how you were trying to get that first scene across though. The only way I can describe it would be that it felt like a distant narrative turned half focused in a couple parts.
I'm sorry if thats just confusing, I don't know how else to describe it. >>;
In one word...Beautiful! I really loved this one-shot.
ling ling (Chapter 1) - Sat 12 Mar 2011
awww!!! <3 it, made me cried (tears of joy) <3<3<3
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