Sesshoumaru seems to have changed a great deal from his past self. It is almost as if Kagome has to get to know him all over again. But then, how well did she really know him before? The answer is... She didn't. She only knew the mask he showed to the world. So the question becomes... Has he really changed all that much? Or is he just allowing others to finally see the real him? There is no longer a need for the constant battle ready caution that he was forced from necessity to maintain.
His conversation with Kagome reveals that he is ready to make some changes in his life. Seeking Bokuseno's advice says that those changes will be significant. He hints at what those changes will be. I wonder if Kagome has any clue what it will mean for Shippo to become officially THEIR son? Probably not. She can be a little dense at times.
The story is moving along nicely. I have to say that while your English is not perfect, you still manage to convey exactly what you mean to your readers. There are a few minor grammar mistakes, and a few awkward words that are used where others would fit better, but it is still amazing considering English is not your first language. I bow in acknowledgment to someone who can do what I cannot. I look forward to the next chapter of this wonderful story.
How very cool. It's not often that I read a fic with an emotionally strong Sess. A male that will admit mistakes to a female...wow. ;) Great story. Can't wait for more.
Slowly the past is revealed to Kagome. Now the next question, where's Sesshoumaru been?
Your writing is getting better Dreamcatcher! Do you have a beta yet? They might be able to lend a hand.
well at least we know more about things than we did!! great story so far and keep up the great work!!
0o0o i like this! though again i still hope kagome can walk again! ^_^
ami (Chapter 3) - Wed 06 Oct 2010
I like this story so much , that when sesshomaru is goin over his life , it is very hear wrenching and i just want to cry because i feel sad and overwhelmed. so tell you little honey that money enjoys her brilliant work. :)
yea kouga and ayame are back!! that's great and all their children sound great. finally some interaction w/ her and sesshoumau but why so distant - it will be interesting when sesshoumaru lets on about the vow!! can't wait for more and great story!!
again those monster paragraphs are hard on the reader.
this chapter is just a tiny bit confusing on who is saying what and when I get that its Sess and Ship but i cant tell which is which in a few of these lines. I would say that you should edit and add in who is saying what from time to time. those one line back and forths are a bit off to me b/c i cant tell which of them is speaking. other wise i liked the chapter! go Ship for standing up to his would be -makeshift papa.
these monster paragraphs are hard on a reader, i find the story interesting thus far but i would love it if you would brake them up a bit.
nice job and the swimming pool is a great addition w/ all the other helpful things around the place for kagome and it'll give her the upper workout that she needs to keep motivated. too bad about loosing control of the wheelchair on the first floor... nice job and keep up the great work!!
kay, just a few things...
"catched" = not a word, should be 'caught'
"difficulties to sleep" -- difficulties is a noun, you a need a verb before you put 'to' (eg: getting to)
"stupidy" = stupidITY
and I didn't say anything before, but the way you put quotations is incorrect and kind of hard to read at times, refer to the quotations aroun the words above. But to have those commas (I'm assuming) in place before a quote is not right.
Sorry, it was just really bugging me.
A great history chapter. Now Kagome has her answers and won't have to wonder any more. She has also seen a little of how Sesshoumaru has changed over the centuries. It had to be a shock to hear him laugh. Not something she could associate with the Sesshoumaru of the past.
I look forward to Kouga's visit. And his family. I can see Kagome's delight and Sesshoumaru's annoyance. I am curious as to why Kouga never looked for her before. Was he never told where she came from? I can't believe he would bow to Sesshoumaru's orders not to have any contact with her. This is Kouga we're talking about. His arrogance is almost as great as Sesshoumaru's.
It is nice to see that Shippo is acting like a son, protecting her and helpig her. And you really have Sessoumaru in character. He gives off the aloof air of not caring, but then he goes and designs her room to give her maximum independence. He would do things that way. Never in an up front way that would show he cares, but in a behind the scenes way that would make you wonder. Good job.
Just a short note on something that might be confusing. You mention twice about restrooms with attached bathrooms. I know that there are a lot of different terms across the world for bathrooms, especially in the English speaking countries. Here in America, a bathroom is also called a restroom. So for your American readers, that might be a little confusing. I know you were referring to bedrooms with attached bathrooms. That's one of the things that makes English such a difficult language. We can't settle for one word that has a specific meaning. We have to have a dozen that mean the same thing, and that's without mentioning the vulgar slang terms. If you add those there are at least a hundred. lol
I am enjoying your story and looking forward to the next chapter.
well at least sesshoumaru is keeping his vow to rin all these yrs later and it's amazing the shippo is still the same. great that everyone is back together and the home is what anybody w/ special needs these days what are limited. nice job on the story and keep up the great story!!
You have a very good start to this story. I am most interested in seeing where you go with it. Kagome's dependence on Sesshoumaru for help at this time is a great way to throw them together and help him overcome his fear of losing another human he cares for. Now that she is truly alone in the world, it will force him to honor his promise to Rin.
I see no reason for you to apologize for your English. Yes, there are some mistakes. But rest assured, I have read much, much worse from my fellow countrymen who spend years in school and still can't string together a proper sentence in English. If only I could write in German as well as you do in English, I would be happy. And very proud.
Page 4 of 5
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | 