Hi, I really like your story! :) I'm enjoying the music lyrics you add to it! :) I look forward to future updates! Thanks for writing! :D
As some readers pointed out, you've repeated Chapter 17 twice in the chapter, which left me a bit confused and (slightly) disappointed that it wasn't as long as I was thinking it was :P
I also agree with one reader's comments on how the songs of this story really detract from the flow and plot of the story. While I understand you want the songs to encompass and embody the plot of the story, it really does make everything seem clipped and uneven when you insert them inside the story itself in nearly every chapter. Putting them at the beginning or end of every chapter does seem the best thing to do (imo) so the flow doesn't become disrupted/clipped/awkward. Also, while the story is great, itself, I'm left scratching my head trying to figure out why Kagome (and the rest of the Inuyasha World) has suddenly become a Broadway Musical. While having Kagome or maybe Kikyou singing some haunting or uplifting melodies every now and again doesn't really detract from the storyline, having them (and many other characters) belt out in song in every chapter does leave one wondering what the hell is going on in Rumiko's world. Don't get me wrong: I'm all for songfics---I enjoy them, really---but there is a difference (imo) between songfic stories and Broadway Musical stories, and yours is treading into Broadway Musical Territory. When one is entering battle or engaged in such, there's very little time or thought on singing during it. It's kill-or-be-killed and adrenaline and fear skyrocket so high, singing is the last thing on anyone's mind. So, with that in mind, it seems a bit --- I don't know --- indulgent to insert songs into such high-strung situations nearly every other chapter. (I still can't buy Sesshomaru's dead inhabitants singing 'Deliver Us!' to Kagome and Co. while under Seiryu's spell. I mean... if you were the living dead and your actions were being controlled, would you be singing your wishes/pleas in song to one who could save you? I definately wouldn't. I'd just be screaming like everyone else. I don't think souls sing their pleas and wishes, but that's just me.)
Though, imo, a good example of where insert songs work wonderfully during a battle scene would have be be LOTR: Return of the King via Pippin's haunting melody for the suicidal warriors of Gondor led by Boramir. Putting that song in that scene works because (imo) he's lamenting sacrifice beget by arrogance and bitterness by the Steward of Gondor. (And, also, he's safeguarded by a huge stone city so he can partake of such things as singing... If Pippin were the one out in battle with Boramir, he wouldn't be singing, that's for sure. He'd be too terrified and anxious and focused to even think of singing, let alone put those thoughts to actions). I think songs inserted by another that's somewhere 'safe' from such horror (almost as though that character is the narrator) work the best to help a story flow; narratives like Pippin's that meld into a scene that's the polar opposite (Pippin sitting and singing in a stronghold away from battle but melancholy, to Boromir and his company being completely decimated by the enemy) show a great contrast and makes such scenes blend effortlessly because of how different they are. If you decide that your songfic inserts need polishing, I'd recommend going that route.
Other than that, I'm really enjoying the story and how it's taking shape; especially Kagome's sojourn into Dragon Territory and her developing relationship with Sesshomaru. I'm sorry if this review seems overly critical, but I tend to critique a story the most on its weaker aspects to help try and strengthen a story where it needs it the most. Hopefully that helps and sorry for the long crit; whether or not you heed my opinions is fine by me, just thought I'd add my two cents in :)
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