This was very cute.  I liked all the different emotions and thoughts from the group, Sesshomaru, and Kagome.  It was so realistic the way they both went back and forth wanted to move forward but not daring to. 

To be honest this was a little confusing to read, it took three times reading through it before I was able to understand it. It seemed like you were trying to mix a poem and a short story together, and I don't feel it worked very well in this case. It might help if you stretched things out a little with some added details and just made it a short story rather than trying to make it a poem. With a little work this can be an excellent sotry, I wish you luck and will look foreward to more of your work in the future!

oh I also wanted to add that I thought that this really speaks to a lot of modern romances too. I think everyone can appreciate the struggle you represented in this little piece.

aw, I wish you would turn this isn't a full story - like a one shot or ficlet or something. I thought it had amazing potential for extension.

I liked it. It was different. I thought I was reading a story and then its a poem. I loved it. It's true and yet romantic. Two things that are hard to get in a story. Very well done.

~Teana

I don't know if the switching between poetry and prose worked... I think it made the fic seem kind of stilted and choppy. There were a few points where your grammar was off as well, but I loved the storyline, and with a bit of work, this could end up really good!

An decent attempt but truthfully I find it's half poem and half story, which doesn't really work.  Perhaps if you dropped the extra sentences that don't start with 'sometimes' or add more to it, it would come off better.  The going back and forth between them seems to interupt your flow to me.  But with just a little bit of work, I think you would have a really nice poem here.