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raven (Chapter 3) - Sun 25 Apr 2010

I'am really enjoying your story.  I really like your take on Sessho's personality.  Poor Kags she doesn't know what is coming her way.  Please update soon.

SaraSama1 (Chapter 3) - Sun 25 Apr 2010

This story is really good. I love the real-life touches that you have incorporated within. It's believable that he could be that nightmare boss that all of us have experienced at one point or another in our working lives. I'm very engaged and hope that you update frequently. Good Job!

Kogasangel (Chapter 3) - Sun 25 Apr 2010

Rowdy keeps me in line, too.  Anyways, excellent fic and I am totally loving it.  I can't wait to see the next chapter.

weewooweewoo (Chapter 2) - Fri 23 Apr 2010

hey add more man this is really good


alex (Chapter 2) - Fri 23 Apr 2010

i like it please update soon.


Rowdys girl (Chapter 2) - Fri 23 Apr 2010

I am really enjoying this story. I confess, I would like very much to chain you to a desk, right beside Forthright and Tenchi, and make you write. However, I do know the consequences of forcing the creation of any form of art - it doesn't work, you end up with something less than acceptable (crap). No, I will be patient and await the blossoming of your muse, maybe throw a little plant food and vitamins its way.

Before you read this, just remember, you asked for concrit. Disregard the fact that I have fun doing this kind of thing...  >:3

belonging to whom she fondly [...] and silently referred to as

Either: belonging to whom she fondly - and silently - referred to as

Or: belonging to whom she fondly, and silently, referred to as

but for her, [...] well, let's just say Sesshomaru Taisho (Let's is a contraction of let us.)

el·lip·sis (...)

/??l?ps?s/ Show Spelled[ih-lip-sis] Show IPA
–noun,plural-ses /-siz/ Show Spelled[-seez] Show IPA.

    a.the omission from a sentence or other construction of one or more words that would complete or clarify the construction, as the omission of who are, while I am, or while we are from I like to interview people sitting down.

    b.the omission of one or more items from a construction in order to avoid repeating the identical or equivalent items that are in a preceding or following construction, as the omission of been to Paris from the second clause of I've been to Paris, but they haven't.

2.Printing. a mark or marks as ——, …, or * * *, to indicate an omission or suppression of letters or words.
And imagine my embarrassment to realize I've been spelling ellipsis wrong! 8) LOL

dash (-)

the mark or sign (—) used to note an abrupt break or pause in a sentence or hesitation in an utterance, to begin and end a parenthetic word, phrase, or clause, to indicate the omission of letters or words, to divide a line, to substitute for certain uses of the colon, and to separate any of various elements of a sentence or series of sentences, as a question from its answer.
I am going to leave it to you to go back and check this chapter for instances of misuse of the above where a simple comma would suffice. Yeah, I know, I'm a lazy bitch.
category of "very". Should be: category of "very." The punctuation goes INSIDE the quotation marks.
centerpiece in several dreams lately ... in it she was holding  How about: in which she was Or: in them she was
she had learned to bury it so deep, that, until a few months ago,
The fool on the other line had the [gal] gall to accuse
dissolving into a green puddle, instead of actually
"What is it, Miss Higurashi?"
"That was a $1,000 [dollar] phone you know. (Dollar is redundant in this case because you used the $.)
She did not see it, of course, (of course is parenthetical.)
But, then again, he
"Why are you here, Miss Higurashi?"
His voice slightly [more cold] colder than usual. (This suggestion comes from American English.)
including a high-speed satellite connection,
dragging me [of] off my plane!
"That is just as well, Mr. Taisho, as
I do, however, always keep my promises (However and therefore are generally considered parethetical and enclosed in commas.)
This is my letter of resignation, Mr. Taisho.
It should be easy enough to find someone as efficient as [her] she. (My father was a member of the grammar police. He was always correcting my pronoun use. The test for the use of her/she is: can you say it backwards. I.e.: her should be easy enough to replace or she should be easy enough to replace.)
it would be such a waste of [...] - talent - to let her go. (Talent should be set off on both sides by dashes, rather than ellipses.)
"You have your three weeks, Miss Higurashi.
"Of course, Mr. Taisho.
And that's all...

Rowdys girl (Chapter 1) - Fri 23 Apr 2010

I really enjoyed this chapter, I love gutsy, bold Kagomes! And your Kagome is blessed with a sense of humor! A major plus!

You asked for concrit and I am willing to be of service. I don't guarantee this for every chapter, but I am pretty anal retentive. Note: anything in brackets [] should be deleted.

She had been working for Taisho Corp for nearly five years. She loved her work ... for the most part. There was only one small problem. His name was Sesshomaru Taisho, and he was her boss. She had been asked once by the other women at a party celebrating the corporation's 100th year what it was like working for the man called Tokyo's "Most Successful and Handsome". Of course, being the professional and loyal assistant that she was, she merely smiled and said, [Make delightful a part of this paragraph.] "Delightful."

Because if she had said what she was really thinking: [--] (Use a colon instead of dashes in this instance.)

-- ... well, she wouldn't be out of a job, (Either the elipsis or the dashes, but not both. And Well should be capitalized)

concealing himself .. and by then it was (An elipsis is 3 dots... no more, no less.)

she saw the back of a very tall man with silver hair, tied back with a simple band, standing rigidly. (Enclose parenthetical phrases in commas to add clarity to the sentence. To determine if a phrase is parenthetical, you can write the sentence without the phrase and the sentence will still make sense. But not ALL parenthetical phrases need to be separated by commas, English does this just to confuse you; and it does it on purpose because the English language, regardless the dialect, IS out to get you.)

[Y -- You] never said that you wanted a new one! (Or: Y-you.)

But[ ..]... you didn't say that it was broken! (Elipsis = ...)

I don't know exactly what the woman did, sir, (Names and titles when being used as direct address should be enclosed in commas.)

Gasps echoed down the corridor[,] and, for the first time, Kagome felt a sliver of unease.

"I do not repeat myself, girl."

Frantically, her mind searched for an answer to the question that had only been a buzzing in her ear

Kagome [..]... remember [..]... a professional is always cool

Another woman came in, who seemed to be a friend, and said she would take it from there.

Hurry up, woman

Whatever for, sir?

Scowling, he motioned her into a private lift,

Instead of: She had to force the urge to tap her foot down as she waited for him to answer.

How about: She had to force down the urge to tap her foot as she waited for him to answer.

I don't care if you are a Kami himself but, if you don't back up, you are going to be in a world of hurt!" (I LOVE this sentence, I'm still laughing over it!)

Coughing softly, she clasped her trembling hands in front of her.["]

Not quite, sir.

I trust the pay is sufficient, as well as the medical and vacation time ...

Also, my weekends [..]... aside from any business trips, of course, are my own.

And, if she didn't know any better, he seemed pleased.

Please don't think me harsh. You actually did a tremendously good job of writing this. These are the little things that an author, concentrating on getting the story written, is likely to miss. Or, something I often do, re-read the work and see what I expected to write and not what I’ve actually written. Frustrating. The story itself, now that I’ve gone over it closely, is really good. You’ve certainly captivated me, and this is just the first chapter!

Sophie (Chapter 2) - Fri 23 Apr 2010

I had really good time reading this. Your style is light and characters are interesting, but not out of original characters. I will make sure to read next chapters. Good work =)

redpixie (Chapter 2) - Fri 23 Apr 2010

Interesting beginning ! I can't wait to see how Sesshoumaru's gonna "survive" alone :p

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