Reviews for Haunting past by Ava 365

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TruGemini (Chapter 5) - Tue 08 Dec 2009

I like the character development for Kagome and the direction you are taking Sess. Another great chapter showing Kagome conquering her fears and getting back into life. Keep up the awesome job!


WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 5) - Tue 08 Dec 2009

I'm glad that things seem to be getting better for Kagome. I wonder how long it will take for her not to cringe in Sesshou's presence. And will Kagome date other guys before she gets comfortable being around him? What will Sesshou think of Kagome dating other guys? I look forward to seeing how Sesshou plans on repenting. Keep up the good work and update soon :P


WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 4) - Mon 07 Dec 2009

I wonder what the Taishos will say once Jaken reports in? I really hope he gets a beating. And how does this affect the Higurashis opinions of the Taishos? Keep up the good work and update soon :P


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 4) - Sun 06 Dec 2009

I like your story very much. Keep up the engaging writing. Hugs and smiles.


knifethrower (Chapter 4) - Sun 06 Dec 2009

Nasty Jaken!  But it is not so long ago that Sesshomaru and Mrs. Taisho were just as bad...  I love this story, especially the Christmas element you brought into it through Rin.  Keep up the great work, because I am eager to read more of this wonderful story.


mary (Chapter 4) - Sun 06 Dec 2009

damn that jaken! stupid imp! 

i think  the pace now isn't too fast. it was great actually. the father and son moment was particularly endearing. i just can't help wonder how you'll make this into a short story with such a plot. there's so much drama to be had!

sango the therapist made me smile. i couldn't help compare her to the canon. 

must this be a short story?


ADHD Neko Hanyou (Chapter 3) - Sat 05 Dec 2009

I'm a little confused. I thought that Sesshoumaru and Kagome had made love and then after they had sex he had gone cold on her and left her....not raped her. Can you clarify this please??

-ADHD Neko Hanyou


mary (Chapter 3) - Sat 05 Dec 2009

pacing is important in a story. i believe the pacing here, is too fast. she was raped and i think she would have at least been more hateful to seshomaru. also, his parents too. john olson, (powers and in the shadows) said in an interview by randy ingermanson that 

"Readers subconsciously assume that reading time is
proportional to the timing of the events they're
reading about. If a writer takes time to describe the
wildflowers beside the trail, the readers will infer a
leisurely pace. If the story gives a quick succession
of vague impressions, the readers will assume a rapid
pace -- like the POV character is moving too fast to
process all the visual information streaming past her
eyes. 

That's why you should never describe the wildflowers
while a vampire is chasing your heroine through the
woods. That's also why words like quickly and rapidly
should be avoided. Not only are they evil "telling" –ly
adverbs, but they also work against what they're trying
to convey. Inserting them into a sentence actually
slows down the sentence (which slows down the action in
the reader's mind even though it's supposed to make the
reader think the action is speeding up). The word
slowly, on the other hand, doesn't work against itself,
and is much more acceptable even if it is also an evil
"telling" –ly adverb.

Pacing is tricky. There are hundreds of ways to
inadvertently slow down a fast-paced scene. One of the
worst culprits is what I call "order out of" which is
when the author presents information to the reader in
the wrong order. Take, for example, the following
sentence:

A gloved hand burst through the wall and clawed at
Dash's face.

On the surface this looks like a perfectly good
sentence, but if you look at what's going on in the
reader's mind, you'll see why it slows the action down.
When readers read the words "a gloved hand," they
picture the gloved hand in their mind. Then, when they
read further and read that the hand bursts through the
wall and claws at Dash's beautiful face, they get
confused and have to readjust the pictures in their
minds. 

Their first impression of the gloved hand was on the
wrong side of the wall. They could see it in their
minds, so they automatically put it in Dash's view,
because he's the POV character through whose eyes they
are viewing the action. But when it bursts through the
wall and claws our hero on the face, they have to back
up and readjust the picture so that the hand is on the
other side of the wall. These kinds of readjustments
break the flow of the narrative and slow the pace
down -- usually at times when we're trying to speed the
pace up."

 

sorry if the quote bugs you, it's just that i couldn't have said it better without messing up what he said. i hope it helped though.


TruGemini (Chapter 3) - Fri 04 Dec 2009

Not bad at all. one question though? Is she really that comfortable with him touching her and so on? I mean he raped her yes, but outside of that the trust issue alone would make me thing she would not want him to be too familiar with her. It is good she is letting him be with his sone, but that is seperate. Overall this is a great story.


Hentai-Hime (Chapter 2) - Fri 04 Dec 2009

Very nice chapter. I'm hoping that the next chapter will go more in detail of Kagger'z thoughts on this


raven (Chapter 2) - Thu 03 Dec 2009

This is an exceptionally well written story with great character development.  I can't wait to read your next update.


WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 2) - Thu 03 Dec 2009

Has Sesshou ever told his parents of what he did to Kagome? Is she the reason that he adopted Rin and changed his way of thinking toward humans and hanyous? What will Kenji think of his father when he eventually finds out how he was conceived? This chappie was soo very well done that I almost started to cry for both Sesshou and Kagome. Keep up the amazing work and update soon :P


autumngold (Chapter 2) - Thu 03 Dec 2009

I hope that Kagome will tell Kenji soon that Sesshoumaru is his father.  If she tries to hide it, he might find out why she didn't tell him in the first place.  How will Kagome's family treat Sesshoumaru?  I bet her grandfather will want to kill him.  Thanks for the update!


michelle (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009

this is a really great story that i like and love a lot since i first started reading it and i was wondering if there were going to be more chapters to this wonderful great good story please because its very good. your a great and wonderful author who wrote this great and wonderful god story.


elisavet (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009

I love this story. Its really good.I hope you update soon.


Peaches (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009

Really good Story... I cannot wait to see what happens next... I was so holding my breathe at the end... I thought Sesshoumaru was at the park wit Rin. Wow... So cannot wait for the next chapter...

Many Blessings...


TruGemini (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009

That was definitely an eye-catching first chapter. I think he needs to suffer the guilt a little while longer, but hopefully the next chapter will see them meeting at the park. This seems like it will be a great short story.


alana (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009

i luv it is so cute


Athemea (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009

So far so good. I really like the storyline of this fanfiction more so than the others that have been coming out recently. Please continue this story soon. The more chapters the better. ^_^


Ameire (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009

This is good. Thankyou ;)

Sooo, just to be clear....he rapes girls who are interested in him that he considers to be beneath him so that they wll hate and avoid him afterwards?


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