LOVED IT SO FAR. CONGATS ON THE BABY, HOPE YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AND HEALTHY BABY. UPDATE ASAP
I love Sesshoumaru's direct and powerful actions in ending the argument!
I think you were writing very fast in order to post this. Judging by your other chapters, you do a good job of proofing yourself. I noticed these little things:
Whether he chose to [excersize] excercise this virtue
He had spent the morning listening as the young Miko[,] begged, [pleased] pleaded, and, finally, bullied the half-breed into letting her return to her own time. (you don't need the comma after Miko, it breaks up the action. finally is used as a parenthetical phrase and so should be enclosed in commas.)
Their strategies for arguing [was] were a clear reflection of how they were in combat. (Strategies is the subject so the verb should be plural.)
A small "Coming," came from several yards behind him (The speach is not a part of the action of the sentence and should be ended with a comma in this situation.)
Never one for talk, they (introductory phrase.)
"Hnn," before
fatcatmom (Chapter 5) - Mon 14 Jun 2010
Sorry, I hit 'submit' before I got a chance to say congratulations on your pregnancy and don't worry too much about your stomach not seeing eye-to-eye with you about eating. By the time the 5th month comes around these days will be behind you and you'll have lots of little butterfly kicks to keep you happy. Congrats again and hope you are feeling better soon! and please don't let 'negative' reviews get to you--you have a GREAT talent for writing.
fatcatmom (Chapter 5) - Mon 14 Jun 2010
Great story! You are a very talented writer. Please consider writing longer installments--I loved the flow and imagry of your first chapter (I could just imagine the look on Sango's face as she got up to approach the Lord about Rin's dinner, something like 'we who are about to die salute you'). But nothing wrong with giving short snippets either (grin)! Please update when you can.
katlady (Chapter 5) - Mon 14 Jun 2010
I am sorry you got such a nasty review
I love your story and find it cute and adorable it gives me a good laugh when I need it.
I do hope your pregancy fairs well as I know how hard it can be durring the summer.
Please update soon
Ruriame (Chapter 5) - Mon 14 Jun 2010
As I predicted from "Teaching Rin," I do like your Sesshoumaru a lot! The way you include Rin works and I quite like it. You have a skill in writing these light stories of Sesshoumaru and Kagome that is a nice breath of fresh air that I enjoy when I don't feel like delving deep into something extremely complex.
#1. Congratulations! I hope you feel better soon. Babies can be so trying, but not as much as teenagers!
#2. How the hell can somebody finish YOUR story? They need to write their own damned story! Go at your pace, write as you will, this belongs to you and no one else. If I can follow Flametwirler, Quillwing717 and Grumblebear's stories for, literally, years, then I can follow this delight.
#3. Of course, he would have the Miko preserve the picture for him. He is beginning to actually see her... Love this story.
LOL! He can't make up his mind! I'm loving this.
Found one thing:
[Bach] Back and forth back and forth
On the whole, you write very well and have little need for a beta.
Darrakk (Chapter 4) - Sun 25 Apr 2010
How dare you mark this as complete!
This deserves to be continued. You should continue it or give it to someone else to finish.
why are your chappies so short? i like the story please continue to write.
Wow, it's so cute and yet so trying...I did see a few boo-boo's ..I already beta exclusively for 1 writer but I've got a lot of freetime on my hands these days and would love to help.
autumngold (Chapter 4) - Mon 12 Oct 2009
Interesting how Sesshoumaru sees thinking to himself as a battle. Maybe he should stop fighting with himself and see where his feelings take him. Nice update!
autumngold (Chapter 3) - Mon 12 Oct 2009
Thank you for the update! I'm so glad that Rin's picture is affecting Sesshoumaru too. Now he just needs to realize that Rin's picture shows something that's been there all along! Please post another chapter soon!
| I think this story is so cute. I'm sorry I couldn't review in the first chapter. My internet connection died and so I was unable. But I am able to know and I want to tell you how grateful I am that you decided to continue this. It truly is an adorable story. I just loved Rin's innocent logic in the first chapter and I like where the second chapter is leading. I hope Sesshomaru kept the picture. My guess would be that he did. Anyway I (im)patiently wait for more.
autumngold (Chapter 2) - Tue 29 Sep 2009
I was sure your title meant that Rin had drawn another picture of them together, but I like your idea even better. Maybe Sesshoumaru is considering it too?! Please! Hope you post more soon!
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | 