This looks really great ^.^ I wonder if maybe you often write just for your own pleasure or if you read a ton? Normally peoples first fics are good but not great but you've got something awesome going. Your word choice is diverse and your dialogue flows well with the stories and the character personalities and that's often a sore spot for most writers. Lovin' it so far, but I do with the chapters were a tad bit longer xD
MontiK
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