Fuck...hahahah thats all i could think of when she said Naraku..Oh fuck haha i loved this it was beatfully written good job
....
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
I sincerely hope that was supposed to be comedic, because there has never been a more believable opportunity for Sesshoumaru to faceplant. Yowza, Kags! Oh SNAP, indeed!!!!! LOLOLOL!!!!
Your style is engaging, but as a friendly crit there could be some sharpening of word choice and flow, cutting down on repetition. Also, there's a bit of discrepancy with the plot: if Kagome can't remember the past 5 years, why is her mother bringing up the Sengoku Jidai? Wouldn't Kagome, having no memory of it, think her mom is a little bat-shit crazy? It may be better suited to have her mother hint at a strange past, but drop the subject when Kagome doesn't take the bait, so to speak. Perhaps include her remembering the word "Tetsusaiga" but be unclear where it comes from. It's just a little jarring that she can't remember anything and yet the idea of traveling back in time doesn't startle her.
I really liked her interaction with Sesshoumaru, though, and I found it interesting how you left the cause of her injuries up in the air. I was really attracted to their chemistry, and never expected the end!! It really smacked me upside the face, but it also makes me wonder, was Kagome gettin' a little sumthin' sumthin' from Naraku on the side??
OH SNAP
I see violent head smacking in the future XD
luree (Chapter 1) - Tue 03 Mar 2009
OH SNAP!
Brilliant twist at the end. I sincerely hope you continue this one to include Sess's reaction to her faux pas.
LOL.. Great read btw
kept lolling as i read...
after the heat filled moments...
enter Naraku.. WTF?!
LOL
wawa (Chapter 1) - Tue 03 Mar 2009
I thought a really sweet moment was coming up. Then suddenly Kagome says Naraku........can't wait to see Sesshoumaru's reaction.
Page 1 of 2
| | | | |