I must say I did love both of your oneshots, however I believe 'Pain' was my favorite of the two. It isn't very often that you actually see Sesshoumaru as the sick/dieing one, and you did a wonderful job of describing his situation. In 'Take this pain away' I was slightly confused when Kagome asked him to kiss her, it was already describing the kiss before this was written, so it just needs a little rearranging I think. There were some grammar and spelling issues that need to be addressed, but it is nothing a little editing won't fix. Overall I believe you did an excellent job and I can't wait to see more of your work in the future.

Both one shots were overall well written, with a only a few small wordage/spelling mistakes throughout.  But nothing was overt and it didn't disrupt the telling of the tale.  The second one-shot, however, far out shone the first in believability and characterization.  Pride was an emotional masterpiece.  I couldn't help but feel moved by Sesshoumaru trying to retain his dignity in the face of such painful and messy death. To see such a creature brought so low is heartbreaking. But observing the retention of his poise while he endures a slow and painful death is triumphant as he pridefully refuses to let his circumstances defeat him. 

Wow, they were both really good. I loved the second one so much more. It brought tears to my eye to see Sess trying to remain his normal stoic self in the face of impending death. In the 1st oneshot, the mere fact that he kissed her before ending her life was a little much to imagine and the fact that he called her by her name after she was already dead, implied that he didn't want to do it.

A feww booboos here and there but they were both well writtten ;)

Hey hey hey!! Ducky here!  Correct me if I am wrong but the two oneshots are not related right?  My favorite was the second one.  Pride really captures Sesshoumaru in a vulnerable way.  Reading about sick sesshou is not something I see too often.  It’s always sick Kagome being nursed back to health by Sesshoumaru.  I liked the way the oneshot flowed.  There was just enough to keep me tantalized but not enough to give me a picture of the scenario.  I like fics that keep me guessing, and yours definitely keeps me wondering about his wounds, his sickness, the nature of Kag+Sess relationship, and all that other good stuff. 

I can tell that the first oneshot was an earlier work because the angst is written a lot more skillfully than in the first one. 

I find the whole “kiss-me-before-i-die” Kag+Sess relationship a bit overplayed, so I might be biased based on my natural tendencies to dislike the general plotline.  However, you wrote it well.  I did enjoy it.  I love angst, so it’s great to see a writer devoting him/herself to the joys of causing tears! ^__^;;  I didn’t spot any grammar/spelling errors.  The only thing I would watch for is awkward sentences or structure related issues. 

For example, in the first oneshot, Take This Pain Away, there is a very short flashback scene.  A notation for flashback is only needed when it exceeds a page.  With a flashback in your fic, I think it would have made a greater impact on the reader if you integrated Kagome’s memories with her present day tears.  A choked breath remembering the last time she heard inuyasha’s voice.  Her eyes welling with tears when she remembered the white light.  A tear escaping her as her heart cried out for Inuyasha… y’know something like that. 

And also, as I said earlier, a little bit of mystery doesn’t hurt anybody.  You did a good job of setting the stage for mystery (the bodies couldn’t be found; it was Sesshoumaru that relayed the message of everyone’s death), but I think you can extend it if you don’t describe the actual fighting of Naraku in detail.  Just say she remembered Inuyasha’s voice, Sango’s frizzy hair blowing in the wind (just to highlight the fact that she’s grieving – suffering the loss of someone makes you think about the littlest things that you never seemed to notice until that person is gone), the white light…etc.  I think this would have a much greater impact. 

You have a knack for description – just don’t overdo it in angst fics (especially during recollections).  My fav was pride (4/5 stars); and Pain gets honorable mention with 2.5/5 stars.  Great job and keep on writing!

ducky out!

Wow, these were both so well written, but so sad. I really felt bad for Kagome, especially in the second one. For some reason, I think that one got more of an emotional response from me than the first one did. I think I had more of a response to that one because I never really like fics where Kagome just gives up. Keep up the good work. These were awesome!

Wow, that was angsty but really good. You definitely made me feel the moment. I did notice some capitalization errors and a few others but it was still very well-written.  Keep up the good work!

Wow, that was so beautifully written that I actually had a few tears in my eyes when I finished. I did notice a few problems, such as words behind capitalized that shouldn't have been and a few words in all caps, plus a few paragraphs that had more than one speaker in them. But for the most part, it was really well done. Even the couple of lines of lyrics that you put added to your story rather than taking away from it like they usually do. I love that you didn't try to fit the entire song into it, but just added a couple to enhance it.

I was a bit confused by the line '"...Kiss me...."' coming after he was already kissing her and the reference to her having brown hair, as she has black hair, but other than that, it was very well written and I loved it. Keep up the amazing work.