Mutnodjmet (Chapter 8) - Sun 30 Apr 2017

This is an okay story well at least the plot seems to be good.

Not to be too petty but in chapter two when Kagome was attacked by Inuyasha, when Sessho took Kagome to the hospital the doctor asked for info on Kagome, Sessho said she was allergic to a few things strawberries was one of those things and that she was 24 years old. But in chapter eight you have her birthday as she was turning 24 meaning she was only 23 at the time of the attack and also her birthday breakfast the cook made for her, he had strawberries on the side with her pancakes.

I hope one day you will go back and re-edit this story. Like I said the plot is good and the characters were so out of charcter that the story was a bit confusing and not consistant. You may also need a beta to help you along.

I believe the story would be awesome if you think of the where's the who's, the what's an the why's and the how's.  When I was in grade school, my teacher said, when writing a story always think of the 4 W's and the H, if I remember correctly.

I hope you continue writing and not give up, you will get better as you go along. I will still continue to read this story because I would like to see how you end it.


cassandra (Chapter 8) - Sat 29 Apr 2017

Oh I'd love it if someone threw me a party like that!  I can't wait to see what happens next! 


MythMagykFae (Chapter 8) - Sat 29 Apr 2017

Awww, he is so sweet! Well to Kagome at least...


Lea (Chapter 5) - Wed 19 Apr 2017

So I have a few critiques for you and hope you use these as a way of improving your writing style. This is story is difficult to read in my opinion because of the overuse of bold characters. I understand you are using this style as a way to highlight dialogue, but you have already used quotation marks, so this really isn't necessary. If anything, it causes such a disturbance in regards to distraction.

Another thing that greatly confused me about your story was it seemed that there was no common sense involved while writing it. Albeit, I admit I only read a couple of chapters, but that would be due to the fact that I simply could not wrap my head around what the characters were doing and why they were doing that. It made no sense to me and came off insanely asinine. Like when Inuyasha demanded to see proof that the photos of her injuries by him were photoshopped, and then how you went about in showing the proof that her scars were real. LOL okay then. Oh and then when you wrote that whole debacle of how Inuyasha got INSANELY strong powers, strong enough that no one was able to stop him in a courtroom full of full fledged demons, and no one was able to break into a baracaded door to save Kagome from getting raped? Like you mean to tell me that Sesshomaru and all these other people were taking their sweet ass time to help Kagome when they KNOW Inuyasha is there on trial for attemped rape? Honey, that part seemed like you pulled something out of your ass so that you can spice up your story and keep it interesting. Sigh if only you thought things through a bit more.

It just seems like your whole story is trying to "push the limits" when really it just comes off quite confusing and strangely comical. You should also write a disclaimer on how totally OOC these characters are cause wow they are nothing like canon at all. Man at least give the readers a warning on how vastly different the characterization will be. I can definitely tell you are a novice writer and hope that you take a step back and reassess your writing style. Or at least post another warning that your story will be a crack-fic since this seems to fall in that category with all its tomfoolery. 


MythMagykFae (Chapter 7) - Tue 18 Apr 2017

Kagome's Mom is awesome!


Sessygurl (Chapter 4) - Mon 27 Mar 2017

Wow....I mean wow. So much action and intrigue, I cannot wait to see what happens next. Thanks for the update.


cassandra (Chapter 4) - Mon 27 Mar 2017

I wonder what sangos real agenda is in all of this and why she hates kagome so much. I wonder what she's going to do with kagomes family.  Can't wait to see what happens next! 


candy (Chapter 2) - Wed 15 Mar 2017

That was very sad Kagome can't have children. That broke my heart.


Sessygurl (Chapter 1) - Thu 09 Mar 2017

Love it!


nogooddeed (Chapter 1) - Wed 08 Mar 2017

Great start cant wait to see where this is headed!


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