Well, I was kind of liking this until this chapter. Did you ask permission from Vyncent to use that chunck of text from her "Unworthy One" fic in the dream part? If so, keep going. If not, that's wrong and a big NO NO from me. For those who want to check it see here: http://www.dokuga.com/fanfiction/story/40/6
Okay, you fooled us. I never would have guessed the stranger that asked the question "Is this seat taken" would turn out to be Hojo. That was a funny surprise.
I think you had someone help you with chapters one and two, which was nice. Maybe that person could help you along the way and also edit chapter three. Your story is going in the right direction buy your characters could use a little fleshing out to draw out their emotions, feelings and thoughts.
Another thing, when there is one male he is a man but if there is more than one male such as two of more males then they are a group of men. The same goes for females, if there is one female then she is a woman and if tere is more than two or more females then they are a group of women. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I am not good at expressing things such as nouns, adgetives, pronouns and other things concerning grammar.
You are getting better and will get even better as you continue writing this lovely story. Good luck and great job. I am looking forward to reading more chapters soon.
So is Hojo getting married? Or is he planning a wedding for someone? Guys don't usually pick the flowers. Guess I'm still a little confused with some of the background story. Usually when you are writing a conversation, you will start a new line as each person speaks. Dont forget to use quotation marks at the beginning and end of each spoken line or dialogue. So I'm guessing the guy at the bar is Sessh? Loooking forward to your next chapter.
I love where this story is going. However, It was kind of confusing when different people were talking. Perhaps use s different font. Other than that I cannot wait to see what happens at the interview.
(Chapter 3) - Thu 09 Mar 2017
Other than the missed spelled words in all three chapters it's good. Keep up the good work can't wait for more.
Personally, the 2nd chapter is more well-written, the first one is a little bit too rush. I'm not good with words, but I've read a lot of fanfic so far, so I think maybe you should put some of the characters' thoughts or emotions, rather than ony telling how the story goes.
Can't wait for your next updates :)))))
I was a bit confused by the way you approached the second chapter. I understand you wanted us to know what had happened to everyone after the battle with Naraku. The explanations are a bit choppy. There are still a lot of grammar and spelling errors. As one of your reviewers mentioned, writing in English can be very difficult if it is not your first language. But as you write more and more, you will get better. Also, I suggest you find a few stories that are extremely well written. One of my favorite authors here on Dokuka is Stella Mira. English is not her first language but she went to university in the U.K. and she can spin a tale and write like no one else I know. Her stories are a little dark and they may make you blush or run for a dictionary to look up a word but you might learn how to better craft your stories. Writing is hard work as I think you are discovering. So keep writing and editing. I too feel that the mystery person is Sesshomaru. Cheers.
This second chapter was slightly confusing but I enjoyed reading it. Your writing is getting much better and I am glad of that. I think the person that Kagome is talking about in her letter to Inuyasha is Sesshomaru and Sessho is not aware of this yet because he cannot pick up his own scent on the letter left in the well. All he smells is another male with cologne on and his beast is admonishing him for being a baka. I could be wrong but that is my opinion.
Looking forward to your next chapter. Great job!!
Interesting first two chapters, a tad bit short, but pretty good so far. Love to see how this grows.
I re-read your story over again and it so much better than the first one posted. There are still just a few grammar and misspells but it is a whole lot better. I enjoyed reading it and you have caught my interest. You have done very well. I will enjoy reading further chapters and will be looking forward to them. Great job!
Very nice start for your first fic. Work on your spelling and grammar and you will have a good start to writing. Good luck.
I wonder who the newcomer is? Poor Kagome. She definately needs someone.
Hello. What I am about to say is a constructive critique. I think your idea is a nice one and I would love to read more but your story needs a cleanup. There are numerous spelling and grammar errors also some other errors. I think you will need a beta to help you along. I am not flaming you or anything like that. If you are not familiar with the American english language, writing in that language can be a little daunting. But I think you may do well in your writing once you get the hang of it.
Good luck and don't give up. Keep it going. I would like to see this story flesh out because Sesshomaru and Kagome are my favored pairing. Good start otherwise.